Is there a point for me to even try to date?

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Hey all,

My name is Troy, i'm 22, have asperger's syndrome (diagnosed at 19), and can't seem to get out of living with my family without getting robbed or failing to get a job and ending up living with my family again. I've never been one for dating or anything as I never knew if a girl was interested in me or even what maybe they where smiling at me for etc. The only times I've ever had a girlfriend would be for instance if the girl came up and talked to me about it or maybe sent me a little letter.

But now i'm out of high school, i'm not very lonely, and I've always been content with being alone as I get involved in many intellectual pursuits. My mom always seems to be disappointed in me some how as my sister is a social butterfly and it just reminds her of how different I am. She insists that I try putting up a profile on a dating site and trying my luck but the problem is I don't see the point in it.

I don't drive as my family only has 2 cars and they constantly use them, I only have 1 friend and he's always been busy with college so I can't even drive his car. For example going on a date or meeting someone somewhere. I live a ways away from my nearest town (like 20 miles) and the only things I'm really good at are all computer related or things girls don't find fascinating haha.

I don't have an income so it's not like I can bring my date/s anything or bring them to nice places all I can really offer is companionship and a loyal friend really. She insists I try it to "cross my thresholds" as I don't talk to people much. Am I wrong to not attempt all this dating stuff?

I always say that if people want a relationship, they should try and start one. But since you're content being alone, and you're only looking into it because of social pressure to do so, I'd advise against it. Just focus on what's important to you, not on what your family want you to do.

Your mom is right that you should be trying to "cross your thresholds." If you don't challenge yourself, you don't grow. And you can overcome the challenges of Asperger's--it takes more work for an Aspie to be social, but social skills are something that you can learn.

However, just like you can't learn to paint without ever picking up a brush, you can't learn social skills without ever being social.

Does "being social" have to mean getting a girlfriend? No. In fact, I think at this stage of your life you probably shouldn't seek out a girlfriend. Romantic relationships are rewarding, but they're hard--harder than a normal relationship. If you're still learning how to feel comfortable spending time with people, it's better to start by pursuing some friendships.

And yes, I realize that you're not lonely, and you prefer to spend time alone. Some folks are introverts and some are extroverts, and it's ok to enjoy solitary pursuits. But everyone needs relationships--it's just the way people are wired (yes, even Aspie people.) If you've never had strong friendships, you might not know what you're missing, but the need is still there.

So I would encourage you to brainstorm with your mom some ways that you can gain some social experience. Perhaps she would give you bus money to go to a computer event in town, or agree to drive you to a weekly social meeting. Ask her to be your social partner--someone you can come to with social questions or encouragement. If you work at it, I think you'll find that relationships become more enjoyable and more comfortable for you. At first, this will be hard, but few things worth doing are easy

Good luck!

Stick to your guns, buddy.

If your pursuit of happiness barely involves an other half concentrate on your finances and your studies/career prospects.
Getting into relationships as you feel it is something expected of you in a part of your life will leave you empty in a relationship and your partner hurt. You never know you could meet someone and she'll be the love of your life but just let that happen on its own. Chase your dreams, and let the women chase you

If your content with being alone, you don't have to date. See you seem to be at an age where people are starting to bug you about not having a significant other. I'm around your age and people are starting to bug me about not getting a bf. If you don't have the desire for a significant other, I don't see the point.

The only reason for you would be sex, so you can date on this basis and be clear about it.

You're not a Long-term material yet.

Thanks for all the replies people, I've read them all and all make good points. I guess it is better for me to stay away from relationships for now as I am currently working on getting into college on a grant/scholarship/student loan. I would much rather be in a good book in college then in a relationship that is constantly challenging my patience and social comfort. Not to say I won't pursue at all, you never know I guess. Could meet a friend in class or something.