How do you show someone you're interested in them?

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I mean other than just telling them since thats a bit too forward. I'll ask 3 questions...

1. Do any of you have particular methods of flirting?
2. Do you find they usually work for you?
3. Does your approach differ depending on the setting and whether you know the person?

1. Do any of you have particular methods of flirting?

No. I don't flirt with those I'm interested in. If I want them to know I'm interested, I say so.


2. Do you find they usually work for you?

No


3. Does your approach differ depending on the setting and whether you know the person?

Nope.

1. Do any of you have particular methods of flirting?

No. I don't know how to flirt. Sometimes, people mistake my friendliness (and readiness to talk about certain subjects) as flirting, but I don't know how to flirt. When there's a guy I like, I just stare at him, impossible to say a thing. And if he talks to me, I barely answer, all in fear I'd embarrass myself by saying something stupid.

2. Do you find they usually work for you?

No, not really. If he's interested, he will be interested. If he isn't, no matter what I do can't make him notice me.

3. Does your approach differ depending on the setting and whether you know the person?

No, I usually block, unless the guy is my friend.

Many people with AS are terrible at flirting.It is certainly not a strength.Flirting involves game playing and undertanding of subtle body nuances.It might be beneficial for men to read books/references on how women flirt/show interest in men so they will be aware if a woman is trying to show interest.However, to think someone with AS will be able to replicate flirting techniques is expecting a lot.Many Aspies are honest and direct so maybe we should approach potential relationships with that kind of mindset.

flirting methods differ in gender.

smiling, however, is universal. if you smile a LOT and are confident, it will go a long ways.

also, remember to have good breath and smell nice. good clothes helps too. its all in the 'presentation' i guess.

are you a guy or a girl? gender would help here.

one thing i can also tell you is that these 'flirting skills' will come with practice. they wont magically appear simply because you read something in the internats. you can grab some ideas and food for thought here, but if you arent going to put them into action the information gained here wont yield any results. you are likely to suck at flirting at first, just like most people with AS XD.
not to put you on the spot but it sounds like you lack confidence, or think of yourself as 'not worthy' or something. dont think this way! you are a beautiful individual. if you are in your shell all the time, feeling bad and anxious about what people will think of you, you might miss out on opportunities for guys who are oblivious. really. guys being oblivious is more common than you would think. heck, some of the guys you probably disregard like 'theres no way he likes me' might actually be into you but not know how to express themselves because of THEIR OWN lack of confidence. i think, in general, if you put yourself out their with your best foot forward you will have a lot more success than if you were to hold back all the time and just hope someone sees thru your 'shell' into the wonderful person im sure you are underneath it all.

1~ I sometimes act like I'm flirting when I'm just trying to be nice & friendly & have no intention of flirting. I'm not good at flirting when I want to but I do flirt a little & my style is a little playful or self-depreciating joking or I'll talk about how I relate & would like to find someone too when a girl is talking about wanting someone.

2~ Not really but it sometimes entertains the person or cheers them up.

3~ I mostly do it online on forums. I rather the more direct approach but I don't usually use that unless I know the girl a bit or I think I may have a real chance.

Last edited by nick007 on 12 Dec 2011, 4:26 am, edited 3 times in total.

I'm not very good at flirting or picking up hints, I'm completely oblivious. Most of the times a girl has liked me, she has been the one to ask me out or hint at me taking her somewhere.

Thanks for the encouragement and I agree with the above. I guess I didn't make myself clear. I am married and not looking. But what I wrote is true: I can't flirt. I never learned how to do it, and yes, it's true I lack confidence in this department.

But for some reason, it never really prevented me from dating or marrying. I mean, sure, most of the time, guys ignored me or rejected me, and it wasn't pretty. But at the end, flirting abilities didn't prove to be so crucial in this matter because I've dated guys and now I'm married, and I still don't know how to flirt or how to approach or how to realize a guy is interested.

I guess I'm trying to say is that you don't really need all those skills. Granted, it works a bit differently if you're a guy, but it's possible to have a good love life even if you suck at approaching girls and flirting. It's not easy, and you'll probably face rejection. Still, it's possible to find someone who is interested in you even if your flirting skills are non-existent.

Some girls might find that quirky or cute if someone with AS is trying to make an effort to flirt, some girls do like shy guys. However, she will only think this if she finds the guy cute, if she doesn't find the guy cute or like him, he will be perceived as creepy.

I agree, also being modest and down to earth can sometimes attract a similar type of girl, some girls like guys who don't act like the sun shines from their rear. It's a myth that every girl finds traits such as arrogance or being pompous to be attractive, I think many good guys end up being jerks because they think it will help them attract women. In many cases, nice guys end up being bitter and passive aggressive because they don't realize the line between confidence and arrogance.

This is true. I know many women (myself included) who like shy men. However, the problem is, shy girls don't have courage/confidence to approach guys, and shy guys are often too shy to approach... See the problem?



This isn't an AS thing. Women generally don't appreciate any unwanted attention. Your flirting skills might be excellent and you can look like Brad Pitt and she'll still think you're creepy if she doesn't think you're cute and if she isn't interested in you.

On the other hand, if she likes you, you can fail at every single step, you can lack flirting skills and you can say stupid things and she will still stay.

I tell them I'm interested, 'cos I'm impatient. It doesn't work, and I don't recommend it.

A better way would be to smile, if you're a girl anyway.

I'm poor at this.

Yes but many nice shy guys end up aspiring to be players, pick up artists or something out of an MTV music video because they think that's the way forward, pick up artist advice may be good for a short term fling but when it comes to maintaining a stable relationship, it doesn't have the slightest clue. Generally it won't work for the nice guy anyway and he will end up being perceived worse off than he started.

I do see the problem, ask a nice shy guy and a pick up artist how many girls they have approached this year and you'll find the pick up artist has approached a significantly higher number than the nice guy. Shy nice guys should accept responsibility and accept who they are because that's what real confidence is, instead of putting women on a pedestal for the wrong reasons and being bitter towards them when they don't reciprocate. They have a better chance of finding and maintaining a relationship if they are content in who they are. Bad boys aren't attractive because they lead exciting lifestyles, it's because they are comfortable in being themselves and have a sense of assurance and security. Successful people are also persistent, if they are rejected, they won't take it personally, they will move on and go after the next open door.



I agree and in that case, they would be putting emotion before logic, I also think this is possibly what leads to domestic violence and women being taken for granted by men? To me, if someone stayed with someone who said hurtful things, that would be an indicator of someone who doesn't have self respect.

i don't flirt intentionally but i imagine i might do flirty stuff unintentionally. i am pretty blunt and have had mixed results with that. i always preferred to be the aggressor and got scared off by men who made the first move. one exception was when it was completely mutual, which was awesome, like a dance. bruinsy33 i agree with what you are saying there - it works best to come to terms with what comes naturally and learn to work with that.

run and hide run and hide!

I talk to them, make friends, then if I still like them, I will ask them out on a date (but fairly quickly, before I get friend zoned).