Why do we want what we can't have?

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I seem to have found myself in a fairly complex situation. It has been several months now since my last "relationship," and that had started as an affair. I'm not proud of my past actions, and that situation and its aftermath caused strain on friendships and relationships, since she's back with her man.

Now, I'm friends with a girl who is friends with that couple but also already has a boyfriend who is a mutual friend of all of us, and yet, we had been spending more and more time communicating through text or online and hanging out together, and I believe she and I have unexpectedly developed certain mutual feelings. To complicate matters further, she and her man are aware of my past, which might put things in a negative light.

Nothing has been going on, physically speaking. I was under the impression that we were only friends, and that there was no attraction or chemistry on either end, and I thought we had nothing in common, but the more we talked and hung out, the more I've been getting used to it and relying on our companionship. The last time we were together, something was suddenly different, and I started to get an attraction that hadn't been there before, and I'm worried it showed. What's more, I think the attraction is returned, though I'm not sure. I've been told before that I inaccurately gauge my own social skills and ability to read the feelings and motives of others as much higher than it actually is, so I could be misreading signals in a situation such as this.

Unfortunately, I could tell by the end of the night that things were awkward, and she seemed very stressed and bothered by something but wouldn't say what. I hadn't said or done anything wrong. She had even been flirting with me earlier, unless I misunderstood, which wasn't her usual behavior toward me, so my assessment of the situation was that she was realizing she liked me at the same moment I was discovering I've grown attached. But she is already spoken for, and this fact combined with my having been through a similar experience once before (and not wanting to be a repeat offender) means neither of us would be comfortable with things going any further at this point.

So sadly, she seems to have temporarily ceased communication with me, so I'm leaving her alone until she decides to contact me again.

Meanwhile, my main "crush" is a girl I've liked since we met about a year ago now, and she knows it, but doesn't return said feelings. Unlike the other girl and myself, this second girl and I have a great deal in common, and now that I know more about Asperger's, I'm under the impression that she's most likely an aspie herself as she has a mix of mild dyspraxia, epilepsy, and social phobia. The problem is she spent the past year obsessed over a guy who didn't like her back either, and is just now getting over it, and so is finally paying me more attention, which re-piqued my interest, though I still doubt there is any potential for a relationship here. So we might be too much like each other.

Essentially, I'm now divided between the person who likes me except it couldn't happen for now, and the one I've liked though she doesn't return it. *sigh*

Stop going for taken women.

sounds like none of it is serious and you are wasting your time. if you truly loved someone you wouldn't be flitting back and forth with all of these people. further it sounds like you don't know yourself very well or what you want. which leads me to believe you may be only using these relationships as either a diversion or ego gratification to your own internal conflicts/dishonesty. in addition you have very minimal morality which is never attractive to respectable people. either way, I think your only respectable mode of operations is to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want independently of anyone else and then all of this will come into place for you. Best of luck!

Well, it isn't something I'm actually DOING. I had never had any dating or sexual experiences whatsoever until the past few years of my life, and this was contributed to by an underlying anxiety towards single, attractive women resulting from near 100% failure rate with any of my attempts, due to my former nervousness and awkwardness. Being around someone who is unavailable, or who I'm not attracted to, or who shares the same traits and characteristics I do are the only times I've been able to be comfortable and be myself, so I think that essentially answers my own questions. They're able to find me likeable because I'm NOT trying. I seem unable to control who I'm attracted to, though, and it just happens seemingly at random, whether I want it to or not. I'm not "going for" anyone.

Edit to add:

Mainly in response to the post above and to clarify, I'm not talking about love. It would be silly to say I "loved" someone I wasn't in a relationship with, at least as anything more than just friends. The girl I like I who suspect is probably Asperger's had been "in love" with her guy friend, and I used to be the same way that I would fall for someone easily and then stay stuck at that same person for a LONG time, and it would seem fickle and shallow to me to "date around" or be open to being with different people. Then I realized, this is an unrealistic worldview, and most romantically successful adults appear to have many acquaintances, friends, first dates, and so on, until they find someone who they really "click" with and that grows into something more serious. They don't get emotionally involved right from the start.

I'm merely commenting on the emotional stress of unexpected developments and not understanding how to properly handle complicated interpersonal relationships. I also used to have a HUGE mental complex where I believed "liking" anyone was something inappropriate and not acceptable, and I still occassionally fall back into that way of thinking. I'm trying to get over that, while also learning how to maintain friendships, which I've discovered healthy male-female companionship can potentially result in attraction on the part of either party, regardless of ones relationship status. Thoughts and feelings are not "immoral" but actions can be. I was told that once in therapy back when I went, and think it's a good reminder to prevent inner turmoil over things beyond our control.