I'm home too much...

Post Reply New Topic

Well, I really don't know what to say...

I am sick of being 19 and single. I only have had one boyfriend in my entire life, but it was only for two months and he died of cancer later on. We broke up because I was going through probably my darkest phase of my life I ever experienced and I was depressed and suicidal and not looking forward to graduation and just plain hated how cruel the world was to me and the fact that Asperger's was not a temporary problem and I was tired of dealing with it. My boyfriend gave me something to live for until I found out he had cancer and he found out that I had depression and he silently broke up with me and never talked to me again and I was devastated. As if he did not want to deal with me... Since he died, even if we were to stay together, I would never marry him anyways and would probably be even more upset than I was.

Fortunately, I'm ready to move on, but so far, I haven't had anything.

My mom says that if I stop being a tomboy put some effort towards my appearance and wear makeup that I might attract guys, but I don't like the way that makeup feels on my face at all. However, I did decide that I would wash my face twice a day for her just so she could be happy.

She also says that I need to put myself out there more and that I isolate myself from other people and that may be the reason why people may be too afraid to approach me. I don't understand though because I don't try to isolate myself and I have no idea what she is talking about.

One thing that I can agree though is that I am home way too much. I go to a community college and when I'm not there, I'm basically at home studying on the computer or playing Skyrim.

I do try to put myself out there, though, I am in a Dagorhir group, but it feels like all of the guys there are already in the relationship or are not the types of guys that I want to date or if they are, they completely friend-zone me. Another thing I do is pilates, but to be honest, most of the people at the pilates studio are women or the few guys that come there are old men. Finally, my classes... Well, there isn't a lot of interaction between people. There was one guy named Ethan that I sort of bonded with who had Asperger's like me, but after the semester, I really am unsure whether or not I will see him again and I never really had any opportunities to hang out with him. I really hope I meet him again, but I only know his first name.

My mother is really trying to get me to seek out Ethan and says that I could have had a great relationship with him if I only wasn't so self-absorbed and give off the impression for people not to approach me when I am just being myself. I'm just not really into what most people my age like to do. I mean, don't like parties unless they are quiet and I mainly turn down invitations to them because I just can't handle them, but people don't understand that.

I would do more activities, but there just isn't a lot of stuff that really strikes me as fun.

I feel like everyday I'm just getting older. Maybe I'm having unrealistic expectations. I don't know, but it really bothers me for some reason... It makes me feel even worse when the reason I'm not meeting any guys could be because of the way I'm acting towards people and I don't even mean to half the time and I'm not even aware of me doing it.

Have you tried looking for someone online? Dating sites tend to have a high ratio of men to women. You could get to know the guys a while before you meet up & you could discus how you act offline with them so they'd be less likely to misinterpret your vibe when you do meet up. There's lots of guys here on WP who are looking including me if you'd be willing to date an Aspie

Dating sites sound fine, but the only problem is that I need to find a good one that is free and isn't a total scam.

I did look on a few reviews on geek2geek and I did hear that it was a scam. You can hardly do anything on there for free.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not really fond about paying for a dating site membership because I'm a poor college student.

If you let it be known that you're available, the men will come. They always will. Men are essentially programmed to want women (assuming they are heterosexual at least). Then it's just a matter of picking through and finding one you can connect with. If none suit you, just continue to wait.

It takes time, but in my experience it generally works. Seeing how you're aspie, NT guys will see you as a little weird, you may well find that works in your favour. The normal quickly becomes the boring.

Are you one of the people who tends to be very clingy and needy? If you are, let the guys know about this beforehand. Some guys just can't deal with it, some guys crave girls like that.

Above all be honest with both yourself and guys. Let them know what you want (after you figure it out for yourself) and don't be afraid to be a bit upfront about it. I find aspies can easily confuse other people as to what they're looking for.

You don't need to put up a facade to please others, just be yourself and find someone similar to you. Sports classes like Pilates aren't very communal or outgoing, people tend to just go for the event. I think you would have a better chance of meeting someone or making friends at a youth club or perhaps an internet cafe, art class, photography class, somewhere you can share discussions with others and get to know people better. Find someone reserved that enjoys and shares your interests, someone you can hang out with and feel comfortable around. For instance, someone who goes to bars every weekend isn't going to exactly be ideal for you.

I wouldn't worry about what your mum or society says, if you feel more comfortable and confident without make up, that confidence will show through and make you appear as a more attractive person. There are also plenty of guys on here that are looking for a relationship and a few of them probably live in your area so you could possibly meet someone on here.

The paid sites are mostly poor quality clones of okcupid. You will probably get messages from a few dozen guys per week, and the membership is completely free.

Keep in mind that being home is not a bad thing, necessarily, as long as you are enjoying your life.

A guy will likely invite you to activities and events, which adds variety to life. Email communication is often adequate for companionship if you are uncomfortable giving out your phone number.

Dating one guy at a time keeps things less confusing.

if you tired staying home. I suggest go out and have some alone time go see a movie by your self, eat out at interesting resterunt, go shopping, sign up for fun classes. There is endless possibly you can do. You might even find new friends and a partner while out enjoying yourself. I myself do this about ones of month.

You need to meet some new people. Don't you feel boring when you stay at home. Look at the other girls who are in your age. make some new friends and go out with them.

as i have read somewhere some time ago (cant really remember where though), go on a date with yourself; you know what you like so it's likely gonna be the best date you ever had.
i often do so myself, if there is a movie or stageplay i want to see, but noone wants to join me, i invite myself and have a good time at it.

Ok well first of all if you don't like make up or going out of your way to look especially feminine that is ok, you'd probably prefer a guy who accepts that about you anyways. My lack of make-up and boyish clothes have not stopped me from having boyfriends and its never been the reason for breaking up as far as I know.

As for putting yourself out there it sounds like a great idea, but much easier said than done..........I run into that myself. I get lonely and sad feeling if I sit in the house too long so then I want to 'go out and meet people.' but uhh where? So I know how that is, not quite sure what to do about it though. You did mention you're going to community college.........are there any clubs you might be interested in joining? that might be a good way to meet people.

I do this as well, but sometimes it just makes me feel more lonely then I did in the first place....like if I go to a movie and then I'm alone in the theater with a big screen and lots of empty seats. Lol I prefer if there are other people in the theater even if they don't talk to me.

Kind of funny, but I just found two awesome guys on OKcupid and so far it's looking good. One of them seems to be better than another, though.

I think I seem to be frustrated with now having a boyfriend when I'm ovulating and it kind of makes sense when I think about it.