Why am I so awkward?

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Alright so I decided to meet up with another dude from okcupid and I ended getting along with him really well and ended up staying over at his house over the weekend. I did enjoy it but I just keep getting worried I'm going to screw it up and make things awkward or something. I mean it seems like I can't really get close to anyone which for obvious reasons makes intimate relationships hard. So I feel like it makes me come off as disinterested or bored.


I really do kinda want to see where this relationship goes and I don't want to expect too much at first because it takes a while to get to know someone. But I don't want to end up screwing it up by giving off the wrong impressions and then failing to verbally explain it. I don't know if anyone has any advice about this, but it just kind of sucks so I thought I would ask.

Maybe you're just over thinking it?

That is probably part of it, because I probably can explain things........but the initial problem of not feeling like I can get close to people or outwardly express as much emotion or whatever is still there. Hence why I'm concerned I could come off as dis-interested or bored.

I have the problem where I over think things. Almost anything relating to other people I will divert great sums of time and energy to thinking about. Generally the very outcomes i'm trying to think of ways to avoid, are the ones which wind up coming about by this behavior. But it is almost impossible not to do it. I wish I had some sort of advice, especially since my own recent cries for help have largely been met with derision and personal attacks.. but unfortunately if you stayed over at the guys house already then you are well past the last signpost I got to and nothing I say is really going to be of any use.

I wish you the best of luck regardless.. and while I know it's hard.. it's probably best to try everything you can not to over analyze whats happening..

Then there is the problem of not enough energy for intimate activities, and feeling too embarrassed to just straight up say that. That was over-thinking on my part because it was not even a big deal to him.

Lack of energy can be anything from clinical depression to low vitamin levels.

The feeling of not being able to get close to people is probably something you learned from past relationships. Does it manifest like a lack of trust? A mental barrier kind of deal?

It's probably the clinical depression...as well as the anxiety and PTSD symptoms taking up some of my energy as well. I am sure this dudes not going to decide he wants nothing to do with me if I explain that too him. I guess I am just nervous about talking about it.

Also it probably has to do with past experiances, but not just past relationships because I noticed this problem the very first time I attempted a relationship back in 8th grade to. But yeah I have had some negative experiences that could contribute to that.

Hmmm... I always feel the same way. I find it's easier to warm up to people by doing something with them. Like playing a game together. Board games are usually good. Just sitting in from of the television or watching a movie together isn't as good as it's not very interactive.

Conversation gets hard when I run out of things to say. It happens much quicker when I'm depressed and don't have many things on my mind that I really feel like talking about. It helps to try and ask questions to try and get the other person sharing about themselves. Then as long as you're somewhat interested the focus is off yourself. It's hard if they're on the quiet side as well as you. It always feels like it's my fault when there's long awkward silences, but it's probably more of a mutual dynamic.

Just getting the energy to talk to anyone at all is hard when I'm depressed.

Anyways, good for you! You should at least give yourself credit for taking the initiative.

I know you will hate me for saying this, but if it's a past experience thing then you need to prove to yourself not every experience will be like your past ones. You need to buckle down And go for it anyway. Just be careful not to exert yourself for someone who will just reaffirm your past. It's a gamble, but it's the only way I know of to alleviate the issue.

My way of expressing to people that I like them is to make things for them. I don't know if you're crafty or into that sort of thing, but it seems to work well for me. It's a lot easier than vocalizing feelings so early on, anyway. Maybe you could bake him some cookies or something!

Well I agree, if I want this to go anywhere I kind of have to go for it...but yeah that is why I'm not expecting a whole lot at this point, because I don't want to get too attached early on only to find out it wont work.

Yeah I can do things like that, which can help.....but there are some things that do have to be discussed which I have trouble with, but its probably nothing I can't more or less get past or compensate for.

Now I've ran into something else a freaking cold sore........lol do I tell him about it before asking if he wants to hang out later, or wait till we meet up and explain the situation? obviously such a terrible thing get's in the way of various things because their contagious. I've seriously been worrying about this since yesterday which is probably ridiculous.

I'd leave the cold sore out of it, unless its in an obvious place! LOL
Otherwise, I think all of us here probably over-analyze things. I try to "logic" out emotional issues. Well, getting better but it still happens.
Like with my female friend at work.
Like others said, doing something together helps, with me at least. Guys like for their friends to DO things with, even if its just drinkig a beer. Its how we are. Me? I like to walk or bike, or run. Maybe talking along the way... This isn't ASD, just Male.

Matt

Well on the lip is a pretty obvious place, and I would feel bad trying to hide it because it seriously could cause problems if things got intimate if you know what I mean because of what a cold sore actually is.......but it's not an issue anymore I'm stuck at my friends house this weekend so even if he did want to hang out this weekend he'll have to wait till next weekend. It will be completely gone by then I am sure.

But yeah I think if I just try not to over-analize everything things should be alright, another issue is texting though, I get really self concious about it and worried I'm coming off the wrong way and stuff. Like I texted him yesterday to ask if he wanted to maybe hang out this weekend or next weekend(before I knew this weekend would not work due to me being stuck at my friends house)...maybe a better approach would be I pick a time I would like to hang out with him and text something like 'hey would you like to drink with me tommorrow' so that way it's more direct and includes an activity we both enjoy.