What does it mean to want a girlfriend?

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Now most of the time someone posts a topic saying they want to get a girlfriend they just get told that they just like the idea of having a girlfriend (not saying that isn't true). But could you explain the difference?

And a lot of the time that someone puts a topic like that someone has a complaint about "getting" a girlfriend. They are bothered its worded like its a prize. How else should they have worded it in the subject?

I am not worried about "getting" a girlfriend for a few months anyway

It's hard to talk about it without sounding selfish. I find love to be pretty selfish anyway - only, you have to give as much as you take, or the relationship may not work out.

I think there are some reasons that might only lead to failure, such as looking at it like a prize or trophy or a status symbol or whatever else. Such a narrow minded view won't bring any true or meaningful happiness; only instant gratification. I would think that looking for somebody who is really compatible with you and being honest with yourself would save a lot of unnecessary heartache. That is still a bit vague, and it is hard to describe, but I'd say it isn't worth it to get hung up on "facts" and has more to do with pure personality.

i'm using girlfriend/she/female terminology in my response as that relates to the thread title, but all of this can easily apply to women who want "a boyfriend".

it's because women (and men) are not just paper dolls to fulfill a role in someone else's life. they are individuals who want to be desired because of the things that make them special.

desiring a "girlfriend" is like desiring "a job". if you go into an interview desperate for any job without caring about the employer or the duties, then it shows that you have no desire to actually work in THAT employment position at THAT place. it just shows taht you want to do something. and no employer wants an employee like that, just like no person wants to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) like that.

wanting to have a girlfriend that badly is like desiring a woman for what she can do for you as opposed to desiring to be with a real person. it means wanting to have the relationship more than the girl herself. it depersonalises the females as they are seen as interchangeable cutouts to fit into the relationship that you desire.

when a man just wants "someone to love" it makes a woman feel like she is "any-old person" and not "the one". something that can't be emphasised enough is that men who are very sucessful with women know how to make them feel like they are desired/heard/cared about as important individuals. not that these men put women on pedestals or buy them gifts... they give the impression that they valued women for being who they are instead of the role they can play.

again, women do this to men too.

To be fair, guys who do what Hyperlexian describe have every intention of being the best boyfriend they can be, at least at first. But a well attended trophy is still a trophy, after all. Obviously, most everyone wants to have a relationship with someone, and they're not all suffering from low self-esteem and viewing the opposite sex as a commodity to be bought with pickup lines and gifts. But when you talk about women having all the 'power' in the dating game or struggling to understand why they like jerks instead of nice guys like you, you're not seeing women as individuals any more, but just a species of creatures in skirts who you hope to figure out the mating call to one day.

^^^^sacrip, the men you are describing would be objectifying themselves as well, by trying to become cookie-cutter "boyfriends". it doesn't really work too well as it removes the people out of the relationship. it becomes a set of roles to fit people into.

it's ultimately self-defeating. 1000 reasons can be given as to why people start viewing each other that way but it is usually not an effective way to build a relationship.

(it's not just a male thing, and it isn't just caused by women - members of both genders have this tendency).

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiU5lnYcHDY[/youtube]

IMO, there is a little too much pummelling of people for wanting to "get" a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Doesn't everyone start out with such notions? Do two 15 year-olds (or however old people usually are when they start dating) really have that much thoughtfulness and conscientiousness (not to see each other as symbols or status-objects)? It may be a bit much to expect anyone low on experience (and that includes me, so I'm not talking down to anyone with that) to go from zero to perfectly conscientious in one leap.

A lot of things in life start out as dreams which are composed of lots of imagination and very little factual understanding. I.e. "I want to be a scientist when I grow up." "I want to be a mommy when I grow up." "I want to be rich when I grow up." You have to start somewhere. (And I suspect it's where everyone starts.)

I don't see how wanting someone to share yourself with is selfish. Sure, some have selfish reasons for wanting a partner, but that's in no way the case for many here.

Nick007, the problem is that trying to find any-old partner doesn't work. at worst it feels like a person doesn't care about you as a human and dating is a non-starter, and at best the people eventually realise once they get together that 'just anybody' isn't good enough.