How to stop thinking so hard about getting a girlfriend?
Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ]
16 Feb 2012, 1:27 am
I know I am worried way too much about getting a girlfriend. It's making it harder to just make friends. And although more friends can improve the chances of a relationship forming, I can't have getting a girlfriend as the primary motivating factor for making friends. I'll probably just end up making very marginal "friends" who I force myself to be around even though they bore me to tears. Video games are a better use of my time than that.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
16 Feb 2012, 3:34 am
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I know I am worried way too much about getting a girlfriend. It's making it harder to just make friends. And although more friends can improve the chances of a relationship forming, I can't have getting a girlfriend as the primary motivating factor for making friends. I'll probably just end up making very marginal "friends" who I force myself to be around even though they bore me to tears. Video games are a better use of my time than that.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
Ill be honest I dont think its safe to pretend to be happy single. Yea some people can manage this but its not something you can force upon yourself. I also call BS on most of those "ohh dont worry people your age are just like that" which usually comes from people whove had plenty of success. All I can say is keep going at it
16 Feb 2012, 4:05 am
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I agree but you have to remember most of them are hitting up clubs and bars every Friday and Saturday night and have social circles. If you are sitting inside and not making any approaches, that could be the reason why, it's a possibility you aren't approaching enough women. Even people that aren't on the spectrum experience and successful people experience a fair amount of rejection, it isn't something that is exclusive to people on the spectrum.
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
16 Feb 2012, 4:13 am
Wolfheart wrote:
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I agree but you have to remember most of them are hitting up clubs and bars every Friday and Saturday night and have social circles. If you are sitting inside and not making any approaches, that could be the reason why, it's a possibility you aren't approaching enough women. Even people that aren't on the spectrum experience and successful people experience a fair amount of rejection, it isn't something that is exclusive to people on the spectrum.
thats very true too. Usually people will have social circles which may or may not collide with other cirlces which allow them to meet new people in nice ways, much better than approaching someone at a club or whatnot.
16 Feb 2012, 4:29 am
MXH wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I agree but you have to remember most of them are hitting up clubs and bars every Friday and Saturday night and have social circles. If you are sitting inside and not making any approaches, that could be the reason why, it's a possibility you aren't approaching enough women. Even people that aren't on the spectrum experience and successful people experience a fair amount of rejection, it isn't something that is exclusive to people on the spectrum.
thats very true too. Usually people will have social circles which may or may not collide with other cirlces which allow them to meet new people in nice ways, much better than approaching someone at a club or whatnot.
I agree, a random approach takes a fair bit of charm and social skills to pull off, it's far easier in a social circle because you already have comfort and familiarity. Doing random approaches eliminate that comfort factor, most nightclubs approaches are dependent on non verbal communication and body language so that makes it even more difficult for people on the spectrum. I think the best thing to to do is play to your strengths, if you are more comfortable in a library instead of a nightclub, approach librarians.
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
16 Feb 2012, 4:46 am
Wolfheart wrote:
I agree, a random approach takes a fair bit of charm and social skills to pull off, it's far easier in a social circle because you already have comfort and familiarity. Doing random approaches eliminate that comfort factor, most nightclubs approaches are dependent on non verbal communication and body language so that makes it even more difficult for people on the spectrum. I think the best thing to to do is play to your strengths, if you are more comfortable in a library instead of a nightclub, approach librarians.
I think its something quite overlooked by people here. Though its hard for those without social circles to get through.Usually the people that can work magic by themselves are people that already have great success in social circles and are just branching off. Not someone who is trying to start from scratch
16 Feb 2012, 10:14 am
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I know I am worried way too much about getting a girlfriend. It's making it harder to just make friends. And although more friends can improve the chances of a relationship forming, I can't have getting a girlfriend as the primary motivating factor for making friends. I'll probably just end up making very marginal "friends" who I force myself to be around even though they bore me to tears. Video games are a better use of my time than that.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
You can always date a woman much younger than you if you have to. Most women are not adverse to the concept of dating a man 8 years older than they are.
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
Most people at my school were single. Most of my classmates were single when they graduated and most of the masters and PhD students were also single. Concerning bars, most of those people are "players and posers" and I doubt a real relationship ever comes from those "hook ups".
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
Maybe you should try striking up a conversation with a woman in a book store.
18 Feb 2012, 1:41 am
Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I know I am worried way too much about getting a girlfriend. It's making it harder to just make friends. And although more friends can improve the chances of a relationship forming, I can't have getting a girlfriend as the primary motivating factor for making friends. I'll probably just end up making very marginal "friends" who I force myself to be around even though they bore me to tears. Video games are a better use of my time than that.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
But I can't just will this worry away. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's OK to be single at the age of 27 - or even 37 - I still feel like I'm doing horribly in that area of life, which could drag down the other aspects of my life. I want to have children, and to do that I need a job, and someone who I love to have the children with. The job will come VERY easy in comparison. Assuming I end up with someone my age, there's the menopause clock hanging over my head. I've heard about it being extremely difficult for women to get pregnant in their 40's, so I might have a decade or less!!
Part of it could be that I still don't fully believe what my parents have said about something like half of 27-year-olds being single. Part of me thinks that 99.9% of people at my college are NEVER single for more than a few months at a time, and for quite a few getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is as easy as going to a bar and "trying their luck" with 5-10 different people.
I also know that desperation turns off all but the most desperate women. So as long as I want a girlfriend, I can't get one. Unless I can somehow want one only about 1-10% as bad. Just enough that I can see opportunities for it, yet not even close to desperate.
Learn how to match color patterns and dress well. Get a fitted suit.
Get either a decent haircut or shave it all off if you are going bald.
When in doubt of what to say in a group convo, remain quiet and listen. You'd be surprised at what people divulge to you.
Get really REALLY f*****g good at your computer skill set (Be able to do anything in MS Office, Get really good at Enterprise Document Management type programs.) Make yourself irreplaceable in a office environment.
It is better to have one long job history on your resume than a bunch of sh***y contract gigs. Job history is "malleable". HR monkeys are some of the stupidest and most vapid people you will ever meet.
Smile and say hi to everyone you pass by. It makes interaction a lot easier.
Hire a good well-reviewed GFE attitude escort between the ages of 25-35. A decent escort can be hired for 250-300 for the hour depending on your city.
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