aspie men and DPD effecting dating.

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I was wondering if some aspie men who have a lot of difficulty getting a relationship may also have co-morbid dependent personality disorder?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_ ... y_disorder

I think this as Ive noticed some of these guys are over dependent on their parents and are not good at looking after themselves and often are not able to take responsibility in their lives. The qualities of DPD are ones which are especially frowned upon in men and viewed as unattractive so i could see that it would make it very hard to attract a mate, which would leave the man even more dependent on his parents and not moving forward in his life.

anyway whats your opinions?

I'm inclined to believe that dependent men are dependent due to the beliefs that they have about themselves. They get discouraged easily. The trick for them is finding out what's causing them to be discouraged about seeking their own success and independence in life, and finding the willpower to seek those things.

I do not have the insight to judge most aspie males, all I can say is that it is certainly true for my ex (who also was an aspie). he was lousy at managing. I mean he could live independently but he would rather buy lollies and crackers and ice than actual food. He'd use his money too quickly and have too much time left until the next pay slip would arrive when his money had ran out. I dont have count of how many times he claimed that he needed me to help him with these things.

he'd often say that he needed a woman who'd look after him and would be nurturing.

He came off as a boy looking for a mother more often than not to be brutally honest. He could be extremely exhausting in a lot of ways

He was not very dependent on his parents though, in fact he couldnt actually rely on them.

I think it's a matter of social conditioning and dependent on whether life skills were implemented as a child. I don't think it is directly linked to the people on the spectrum, I think life skills can definitely be implemented as a child to help them later in life.

I have friends that are unemployed and living with their parents or getting their flat paid for by the Department of Health and Social Security and they are successful with women so I don't think it's a major factor that is unattractive or a deal breaker. There are financially successful and wealthy people on here that have trouble dating and maintaining a relationship so I don't think those traits listed are the source of the reason as to why dating is harder for people on the spectrum.

I think it's more to do with the lack of social skills, initiating, emotional reciprocation or escalation and communication that is the fundamental issue in why some people on the spectrum could have difficulty when it comes to finding a partner. Men are also expected to initiate and lead in a relationship so that could be a reason why more men on the spectrum are single.

the Not owning a Car thing is a virtual death sentence not only when it comes to looking for dates, but basically for life in general. If you don't live some place with a good public transit network.. you are basically doomed.

I admit, I live with my mother, but I'm not dependent on her, I am dependent on people to give me rides though.

I'd be perfectly happy living on my own, I simply can't afford to move to a place where I can get the infrastructure I need.

I think some of the people who answered are looking at DPD as requiring actual physical dependence. It doesn't. I have a close friend in therapy for DPD now, and she's told me about it. About DPD, sent me articles, talked about therapy etc. I'm no expert by any means but I want to pass on some of what I've learned.

You can be physically independent and have DPD, or not have it. You can be physically dependent and have DPD or not have it. While some people with DPD may have an emotional need to have someone else responsible for them physically, most people with DPD have an emotional need to have someone else responsible for them emotionally. Some central figure(s) there in their life who is the arbitor of how things should be. Whether or not this person's ideas of how things should be agrees with the DPD persons, determines the amount of conflict in the relationship. Many DPD people will abandon their own beliefs and even ethics at times, to conform to the person's who is their central figure, while others will not and they will have emotional conflict until they transfer the responsibilities to another central figure.

They also invest heavily in pleasing others or at least not upsetting others. The opinion of others, about them, carries a lot of weight in their own self identity. Being validated by friends and family is very important, and they may have a lot of self doubt if even one person who is close to them, disagrees with them. Other's opinions always seem to be more important than theirs, and they are easily doubtful of a decision that they have made on their own and struggled with.

Single DPD's can quickly fall for someone who they are seeing, even after one or two encounters, especially if that person has even a slightly dominant personality. That person may become in their mind, someone that they need and cannot function without. If the relationship does not work out, they are likely to either be devistated at the loss and feel that the relationship was more than it was, and may act and feel like they are getting over a divorce from a long marriage when in fact they only dated someone for a short time and it didn't work out, or they may engage in stalking type behavior where they repeatedly contact the person in an attempt to persuade them into coming back.

Many DPD's are overly dependent on parental approval. They may alter their lives and activities to please their parents, rather than simply not mentioning to their parents the things that may displease them. They may be unhappy with the way that they feel they are forced to live/act/etc by their parents, or by a spouse, or whoever is the central figure, but they normally will not risk losing the affection of the person(s) by putting their own needs and desires ahead of the others.

That's just some of what I've learned from her. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone who has DPD, but it certainly does to her.

I don't know about whether or not many AS dudes have DPD as well, but I would probably say that it's certainly a sign of it if they seem overly emotionally dependent on others and other's opinions of them, and also especially if they fall for the girl too quickly and believe that it's moving faster than it is. The "she's the one for me, I have to have her" within the first few months instead of "I think this could really turn into something good, I'm going to wait and see and hope it does" is a big red flag.

_________________
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