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OICU812
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11 Feb 2012, 10:20 pm

About how bad of an idea is it to ask someone out at work?

I've worked at a grocery store for over a year and there is a girl I really like in another department but I found out she had a boyfriend. However, today she told me she broke up with her boyfriend. So I am wondering, is there an appropriate way to ask someone out at work or should I avoid dating at work completely?

Also its worth noting that her old boyfriend worked for the same company but a different building so I would guess that dating co-workers would not be offense to this person.



AScomposer13413
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11 Feb 2012, 10:33 pm

Personally, I wouldn't do it, but it depends on a lot of factors. For example, how long a time gap was it between when she broke up with her bf and when she told you of it? Because if that's small, you could be in for some trouble (especially if the bf has contacts to your boss).



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11 Feb 2012, 11:35 pm

I made the horrible mistake of trying to ask out women I worked with at WalMart & at IHOP when I worked there. The women got really upset with me; a couple were lesbians that I did not realize & a couple women thought I was gay & I think a couple were mad because they saw me as someone they could use for emotional support. The women went out of their way to make my job difficult by causing spills & giving me lots of attiude when I was cleaning them till they left.


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11 Feb 2012, 11:43 pm

Dating someone from work is generally a bad idea, since a break-up could have an adverse effect on morale, pay, promotion, or job retention.



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11 Feb 2012, 11:45 pm

Not a great idea in my experience.


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OICU812
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11 Feb 2012, 11:54 pm

AScomposer13413 wrote:
Personally, I wouldn't do it, but it depends on a lot of factors. For example, how long a time gap was it between when she broke up with her bf and when she told you of it? Because if that's small, you could be in for some trouble (especially if the bf has contacts to your boss).


She broke up with him last night lol

I was thinking about asking her out later this week or next week so I don't appear to have just been waiting for them to break up.

Fnord wrote:
Dating someone from work is generally a bad idea, since a break-up could have an adverse effect on morale, pay, promotion, or job retention.


I agree actually and I've even answered when two other people have asked me out that I don't date at work but for some reason this girl is an exception. Still, I am thinking that because we work in different departments that if we did break up her attitude would not affect my work too much. After all, as stated before, I've been asked out at work before and while there is some obvious bitterness towards me from that person for not giving her the time of day, it doesn't hinder my work.



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12 Feb 2012, 12:06 am

Dating at work is pretty common today. As she's in another department I wouldnt have a problem with it.

if she told you about it, that's a good sign depending on how it came up. If you want to ask sooner rather than later, say it in a joking way and see how she reacts. Respond accordingly.



bruinsy33
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12 Feb 2012, 12:48 am

nick007 wrote:
I made the horrible mistake of trying to ask out women I worked with at WalMart & at IHOP when I worked there. The women got really upset with me; a couple were lesbians that I did not realize & a couple women thought I was gay & I think a couple were mad because they saw me as someone they could use for emotional support. The women went out of their way to make my job difficult by causing spills & giving me lots of attiude when I was cleaning them till they left.
It sounds like they were the ones with the problem.As long as you asked them out in a socially appropriate manner what was the big deal? I don't think you did anything wrong ,perhaps you made the mistake of getting friend zoned first and maybe it wasn't that appropriate since the boundaries of the relationship had been established [at least in their minds].



hyperlexian
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12 Feb 2012, 12:48 am

simon_says wrote:
Dating at work is pretty common today. As she's in another department I wouldnt have a problem with it.

if she told you about it, that's a good sign depending on how it came up. If you want to ask sooner rather than later, say it in a joking way and see how she reacts. Respond accordingly.

yes, agreed.


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12 Feb 2012, 1:03 am

The problem happens if it doesn't work out, but you still have to see each other all the time at work. There's something very unpleasant about that situation, even if you broke it off in a friendly way.



nick007
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12 Feb 2012, 1:19 am

bruinsy33 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I made the horrible mistake of trying to ask out women I worked with at WalMart & at IHOP when I worked there. The women got really upset with me; a couple were lesbians that I did not realize & a couple women thought I was gay & I think a couple were mad because they saw me as someone they could use for emotional support. The women went out of their way to make my job difficult by causing spills & giving me lots of attiude when I was cleaning them till they left.
It sounds like they were the ones with the problem.As long as you asked them out in a socially appropriate manner what was the big deal? I don't think you did anything wrong ,perhaps you made the mistake of getting friend zoned first and maybe it wasn't that appropriate since the boundaries of the relationship had been established [at least in their minds].

I'm pretty sure that's it. I think part of my problem is that I am completely oblivious of things like that


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12 Feb 2012, 1:48 am

Some relationships can work out by such situations, but it isn't something I would do or recommend, because if it didn't work out, it can affect job performance.


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12 Feb 2012, 5:33 am

I have found it isn't a good idea. Each to their own though.



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12 Feb 2012, 6:32 am

Pros: Being with your partner more often, having a mutual interest to talk about, working the same hours.

Cons: It could turn ugly if it doesn't work out, you will have to face that person every single day, it could ruin your reputation and let personal feelings get in the way of your job, being reminded of a past relationship everyday when you are trying to move on.



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12 Feb 2012, 6:44 am

Well the problem I see is that if she says "no" to going out with you, or if you get together and then break up then you will have to see a lot of each other.

This could be rather troublesome for you.


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