Dating an ex-girlfriend's former roommate

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I have an issue that is quite sticky. I have a slight crush on my ex-girlfriend's former roommate. The two met last school year, their first year of college for both. I went out with my now ex, but I somehow found my ex's roommate easier to relate to in many ways (she was the outcast of four girls in her suite). I know my ex and this old roommate chat from time to time, but there's no best friend thing going on here. The former roommate's best friend is back home (who is one of my Facebook "friends", coincidentally).

So, is this verboten (bad) or not a big deal and go for it. The former roommate and I live about two and a half hours away and our colleges are the same distance away as well.

I say go for it.

I don't date any mates of ex's at all. It is just asking for trouble. However differant people have differant ideas on what is acceptable. If it doesn't bother you, go with it.

The main reason that I feel comfortable with this is that this girl no longer goes to the same school that I and my ex both attend. That being said makes things much more at ease.

i dont think this would be a problem. i mean.. unless your breakup with your ex was super awful so she like hates you and would try to inhibit your happiness / relationship. if your breakup went well i'd say go for it. if not, then i'd stray away.

i mean.. you two broke up. your finished. so anything you do with her ex roommates is YOUR business, right?

then again.. the one you like might not be ok with the idea..

i think there's no problem here at all, but in the course of my dating history i have had mutual friends with the person i'm seeing about 90% of the time. so, i'm used to the idea.

regardless, it seems like there's not a lot of potential drama here. go for it.

I've gone out with exes' friends and friends' exes, and have had my exes get in relationships with my friends. [My life has been very dramatic at times... ] Sometimes it's OK with everyone and sometimes one or more people gets upset. That just depends on the situation and the people involved.

Personally, I tend not to care too much if my friend gets together with my ex, except for the one ex who is completely off limits to any friend of mine past present or future ~ but under normal circumstances ~ unless she (hypothetical friend) started seeing him (hypothetical ex) while he and I were still together [which, sadly, has happened ~ obviously the friend wasn't such a good friend to me as I believed her to be ~ until I accidentally interrupted her and my boyfriend having sex ~ in my guest room ~ with the door open, and while they knew I was home! although I guess they thought I was sleeping . . . so, incredibly disrespectful though it may be, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that something like that can happen] . . .

It also would bother me if a friend of mine shifted alliances in any way after getting together with my ex, especially if it seemed she was taking his side against me... I wouldn't be comfortable if she were taking sides between him & me in any way, for that matter. I think what that comes down to is that for one of my friends to date any ex lover/partner of mine with whom I still had ongoing issues, such that there would be sides to take - it would be outside my comfort level, although I also recognize that it would be stupid & futile for me to waste energy trying to get them to behave differently -

Stupid, futile and wrong ~ because despite the saying, "All's Fair in Love & War" ~ obviously doesn't mean that all is fair in love and war ~ because clearly nothing in life is fair, much less in high-risk, high-stakes, unpredictable circumstances like love and war ~ so it must mean, instead: Nothing is really fair when it comes to Love and War, but that's just the way it is ~ Sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn't ~ No relation to whether or not you did the right thing ~ and yeah, it could ruin or end your life ~ again, even if you did your best ~ and it's not fair, as we usually understand the concept of Fairness ~ 'cause nothing can ever be fair to everyone in such highly competitive arenas ~ but it's not unfair either, although it often sucks: it's just reality. The definition of "fair" is different when you are talking about love and war. It means "not expected to be fair" and "incapable by nature of being fair" ~ just something you may as well accept, if you are going to play the game(s).


Now ~ some people (possibly even most?) do think it's inappropriate to get involved with exes' friends/friends' exes ~ for example I think I've ruined and/or damaged friendships before, by going out with my friends' exes.

Context matters a lot (IMO!)~ the amount of jealousy in each person's nature; degree of closeness for each relationship: how intense it was in the past ~ and what it's like in the present. Like I would not date my ex-husband's best friend ever in this life no matter what ~ nor the hypothetical ex husband of my kid's best friend's mom, b/c he was very close to her (husband) and I expect to spend a lot of time with her (with our kids being best friends) ~

But (if I ever decide to get involved with people again, - currently debatable) ~ but it might be OK for me to start dating a former co-worker of my ex-husband, who used to eat lunch with him every week, if they are no longer co-workers and have fallen out of touch ~ assuming there were no unusual issues between them ~ (strictly hypothetical).

If a boyfriend or girlfriend ends up dating one of my friends or exes then that would just give me more evidence for why that person was not good for me and confirm the realization of the fact it was not real love to start with. These are good things to discover about someone the sooner the better. I would be sad of course finding out or confirming my prior thoughts. Bc even though I'd rather know the truth than not, I still would like to think the best of my exes as people if possible. That being said, a lot of us (auties) aren't that great at picking out partners. And I guess that's why it takes a lot of experimentation and LEARNING from prior mistakes to find out things about people which can in the end be disappointing. But the thing is, I have learned not to put my faith in others to be a certain way to me, so such behavior would not make me feel less of myself but more or less weighs on the character of the person committing the indecent act. I only put my faith in myself and my standards bc that's what I can control, so to me that's what really matters. I hope this helps you although for the record I personally have never dated an exes friend or relative, nor would feel comfortable doing so or see myself ever doing so, and also would not continue a friendship with someone who did/does at this time.

Usually I would say Bro's before Hoes (or whatever the female equal to that is) in scenarios similar to this. But it's not like your ex and her former roommate are super close seeing as how they only chat from time to time.

If you and your ex's former roommate were to get together then your ex probably wouldn't take it very well to start with but once she gets past the surprise factor, I think it'd be ok. Perhaps it would be a good idea to try to think about the situation reversed and consider how it would be if someone you knew started dating one of your ex's?

It's a tricky situation but you shouldn't compromise your own potential happiness just for your ex's benefit. Give it a go, if nothing happens then you've nothing to worry about anyway.

I'm going to go for it, and if she's on Facebook the same time I'm online on Valentine's Day, I might strike up a conversation.

In this situation I would say go for it. From what I read it seems like your ex and her ex-friend were never really good friends in the first place.

If you see her on Facebook before Valentines day I would ask her if she would like to meet somewhere for coffee (or something else you like). Meeting for coffee is non-threatening for most people. Keep in mind that I am making an assumption that you would be up for this sort of thing since you are seeking to have a relationship with her. I find the longer I wait to do something the higher my anxiety gets and the harder it is to do that thing.

I hope this works out for you and that you at least get a friend out of this. A person can always use a good friend to talk to from time to time.

1) They aren't ex-friends, and they do chat from time to time.
2) I do want to get together with her ASAP!

I'd say go for it, they weren't super close friends or anything like that. Stuff like this happens all the time sometimes people even end up dating friend's exes.

Also something that I forgot to mention (creepy yet friendly). The old roommate's high school aged friend (actually, the girl's BFF from home) added me on Facebook in December. Obviously, I accepted the friend request, as I try to be kind. That has given me a hint of something being up from the get-go, something I like. This is now a matter of getting back to her (the old roommate).

UPDATE: No news is good news. I want to swap numbers with her, since it's hard to catch her on Facebook.