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nina
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26 Oct 2006, 6:17 pm

Now that I know there is no future in my marriage, I have started looking at other men. This is something I would never have done while happily married. At my job, there are men who check me out all the time, but there is one who I am very attracted to. He's the assistant manager and he's the one who interviewed me. I've caught him checking me out on several different days. He knows I'm married now, but how do I let him know I'm getting out of this relationship and ready to look for a new one. He's only 28 (I'm 34) and I know he is completely single and looking to date. I wonder, too, if he would still want to go out knowing I have 2 kids. I'm pretty sure that's a deal breaker and will make it much harder for me to find someone new.

I would really appreciate any suggestions. Thanks.



Paula
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26 Oct 2006, 7:00 pm

In all honesty. It's alot better to wait till you are completly out of your marriage before you start to date other men.You have enough on your plate right now, you really should wait and take it slow. It looks better in court if a custody hearing should come up if you didn't cheat on your husband. Even when seperating that can be used against you. Also less baggage for the person you are interested in, and you don't come off as someone who would cheat.



lowfreq50
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26 Oct 2006, 8:08 pm

I don't understand this whole deal trying to find a new man BEFORE ending your current relationship/marriage.

Why don't you try being single for a while. Don't let your current emotional states affect future relationships.



Alicorn
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26 Oct 2006, 8:44 pm

lowfreq50 wrote:
I don't understand this whole deal trying to find a new man BEFORE ending your current relationship/marriage.

Why don't you try being single for a while. Don't let your current emotional states affect future relationships.


Women are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch until they have another in hand.



Claradoon
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26 Oct 2006, 8:55 pm

I'm worried about your job - get another before you wreck this one with an office romance.



lowfreq50
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26 Oct 2006, 9:13 pm

Alicorn wrote:
lowfreq50 wrote:
I don't understand this whole deal trying to find a new man BEFORE ending your current relationship/marriage.

Why don't you try being single for a while. Don't let your current emotional states affect future relationships.


Women are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch until they have another in hand.


Yeah, and thus they end up with a different branch that has the same problems . . . termites, rot, etc.



Beenthere
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26 Oct 2006, 10:04 pm

Do what you feel you should do, only you know when you're ready to make that jump again...personally I'd take a break for awhile. Spend some time getting to know yourself, do some things that make you feel happy...figure out what you need in your life...and make a list of what you don't.

I adopted a cat, bought new clothes, re-arranged my house and painted my walls a different color...I've got enough hobbies lined up to keep me busy for 10 years at least (that's the cool thing about being an Aspie LOL )...good thing too, I don't think I have enough sanity left to deal with another relationship for about that long.

8O


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nina
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27 Oct 2006, 2:21 pm

I can see all of your points. I just hate the thought of being alone (I'll still be with my kids, but you know what I mean). I'm already looking for another job because they have just cut my hours pretty much in half. Is it really considered cheating if the marriage is over and only a marriage on paper? He chose a motorcycle over letting me have another baby after promising me we could 7 times in the last 3 years. He also is an alcoholic who I just can't tolerate any longer. How much longer do I have to suffer alone?



Topher
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27 Oct 2006, 2:31 pm

Im only 17, so i can't say i understand how you feel, or even say what it can be like to go through such tihngs. But the fact is that if you are looking for other men and trying to finish your marrage, that is a lot to put on one plate. it's hard, and divocres or annulments can be a stressful time, and simply dating people while stressed can cause more hurt, that much i know, and i think managing what you do and doing one thing at a time can make this easier for all. As a male, i know that men can enjoy folllowing those to play hard to get, so if you like this other guy, try to keep him interested while you shake off those bad chains of marrage. If your husband is as bad as you make him out to be, don't hold back and get out now. And then once your free the world is your candy store. :)

I wish you good luck in whatever you decide upon. :)

Chris