Stuck in confusion

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Joined: 3 Jan 2012
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17 Feb 2012, 11:35 am

I am in a wonderful relationship with a girl whom I love dearly. She's beautiful, smart, kind and everything I want in a girl. So I hang out with her a lot. Recently though, other girls want to hang out just for the hell of it. They are friends of mine from High School, and I am confused what to tell them. I know that it can be a little irritating for my girlfriend because she doesn't want it me to feel or be put in awkward situations. Plus she is a smidgen bit possessive. I want to make everyone happy, but I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with my decisions. Also, I have this tendency to try and help people with their problems by being supportive, so I am a little afraid that some have a small crush on me. I'm beginning to feel like one at my college does already. Overall my question is, what do I do? Should I just not hang out with other girls at all, or just try and make group hang outs so that my lovely won't feel uncomfortable.

circular
Deinonychus

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17 Feb 2012, 11:47 am

I don't know, but maybe you have got to realize that helping someone is not always the right thing to do, or in other words that you cannot always help someone. If you are more here for someone who's got a crush on you, well you are not helping that person. Maybe you can ask someone else to take care of it.

hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 5:21 pm

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

Zinnel
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18 Feb 2012, 2:42 am

Marxeus wrote:

I am in a wonderful relationship with a girl whom I love dearly. She's beautiful, smart, kind and everything I want in a girl.

So I hang out with her a lot. Recently though, other girls want to hang out just for the hell of it. They are friends of mine from High School, and I am confused what to tell them. I know that it can be a little irritating for my girlfriend because she doesn't want it me to feel or be put in awkward situations. Plus she is a smidgen bit possessive. I want to make everyone happy, but I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with my decisions. Also, I have this tendency to try and help people with their problems by being supportive, so I am a little afraid that some have a small crush on me. I'm beginning to feel like one at my college does already. Overall my question is, what do I do? Should I just not hang out with other girls at all, or just try and make group hang outs so that my lovely won't feel uncomfortable.

this would be the best thing you can do!! ! however I would like to point out that as long as you are clear that your not going to try anything with these girls then your girlfriend shouldn't need to worry. And dont hang out with just one girl at the movies or something like that. If they want to hang out then just invite them to a group activity with other friends and such. Its usualy the best way to be respectful and still hang out with friends that are the same gender as your significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend.

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Subotai
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18 Feb 2012, 5:44 am

I know this is unrealistic, but I wish people could hang out with the opposite sex without their partners getting jealous. I mean WTF? Even if one of them might have a crush on you!

tronist
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18 Feb 2012, 10:20 am

Marxeus wrote:

I am in a wonderful relationship with a girl whom I love dearly. She's beautiful, smart, kind and everything I want in a girl.

So I hang out with her a lot. Recently though, other girls want to hang out just for the hell of it. They are friends of mine from High School, and I am confused what to tell them. I know that it can be a little irritating for my girlfriend because she doesn't want it me to feel or be put in awkward situations. Plus she is a smidgen bit possessive. I want to make everyone happy, but I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with my decisions. Also, I have this tendency to try and help people with their problems by being supportive, so I am a little afraid that some have a small crush on me. I'm beginning to feel like one at my college does already. Overall my question is, what do I do? Should I just not hang out with other girls at all, or just try and make group hang outs so that my lovely won't feel uncomfortable.

if your GF is important to you, ask her first, then do whats best.

The_Sleeper
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18 Feb 2012, 3:03 pm

Subotai wrote:

I know this is unrealistic, but I wish people could hang out with the opposite sex without their partners getting jealous. I mean WTF? Even if one of them might have a crush on you!

I think it's rare for a lot of people to be able to completely trust the other person in a relationship. So yeah, unrealistic. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

I think im trustworthy, i hold other people to high standards but the flip side of that is that i hold myself to the same standards. I'd trust someone like me.

CrazyStarlightRedux
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18 Feb 2012, 3:11 pm

The answer is so easy to answer you have not even considered it.

Invite your MALE friends if you are planning a group hang out....these female friend of yours may fall for them instead.

hyperlexian
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18 Feb 2012, 4:52 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:

The answer is so easy to answer you have not even considered it.

Invite your MALE friends if you are planning a group hang out....these female friend of yours may fall for them instead.

^^^this is a very good idea.

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rabbittss
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18 Feb 2012, 5:42 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

Wait.. weren't you just telling me that I should get more female friends?

If I'm not supposed to hang out with them once I have a girlfriend.. then why would I need more female friends who I'm then not supposed to see or talk to?

I'm not being snarky.. I'm just curious..

hale_bopp
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18 Feb 2012, 6:11 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

As far as I'm aware, you don't have a girlfriend.
And no, I didn't say that.

You have to realise that social dynamics change when you become a couple. For example one of my married parents isn't likely to kick around with single people of the opposite sex. It just isn't normal.

There's a reason why couples mainly hang around with couples. The dynamics change.

rabbittss
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18 Feb 2012, 6:27 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

I think what is being said is it would do you good to have some female friends that you aren't attracted to simply for the life experience.

That sounds suspiciously like you telling me that I need more female friends. If they are 1/2 of a couple, I'm not supposed to hang out with them because that is unseemly.. and if they are single, I'm not supposed to want to date them either. What you are suggesting in other words is, to purposefully remove a whole bunch of single women from my pool of potential girlfriends. Seems a bit like turning the garden hose on and letting it run out onto the road for a few hours.

I don't have a girlfriend, and am highly unlikely to ever get one. But even if I hypothetically had one.. I would hate hanging out with couples. In my experience Couples are boring gits who spend all their time picking out drapes and arguing over when they should go to Ikea. Partners on the other hand are a totally different animal.

Who_Am_I
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18 Feb 2012, 8:54 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

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hale_bopp
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18 Feb 2012, 9:16 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

You're missing the point. It's not about that.

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

hale_bopp
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18 Feb 2012, 9:20 pm

rabbittss wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

I think what is being said is it would do you good to have some female friends that you aren't attracted to simply for the life experience.

That is my advice, said to you, as a single male and based on your experience alone.
I didn't imply that at all. I suggested you do that because it would do you good, in YOUR situation, to be able to see women not only as something to date, at the time being.

That isn't what I was suggesting at all. Your views are completely warped by the fact you're so desperate to get a girlfriend.

When I replied to this thread, I was NOT TALKING TO YOU. Your situation is different to his.

If you don't want to hang out with couples, don't. I don't like hanging out with them either. But don't expect for your GF to like the fact you spend half your time giving attention to single women.

Who_Am_I
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18 Feb 2012, 9:26 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Pay your GF some respect and don't hang out with gaggles of single women.

What about her giving him the respect to trust that he won't jump into bed with a woman the second he's left alone with them?

You're missing the point. It's not about that.

Clearly you don't understand social dynamics.

Well, what is the point then?
If she can't trust him to resist advances, why is she with him in the first place? Is it a given that all humans will jump into bed with any member of the opposite sex who shows interest, unless they're kept on a short leash?

Oh, and that last sentence of yours comes across as just insulting me because you have no good argument against my point. Naturally, if I'm mistaken and you do, you'll be able to present it.

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