I fell REALLY hard for Autistic man this summer.

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I am female NT, mature, & nice looking. I used to talk to a really nice guy in my local store a few times a week. I did not realize that he was a high functioning person in the ASD spectrum.
(I didn't discover that until MUCH later)
After about a year & 1/2 of chatting, I finally had the nerve to ask his 'status'. He said he was "Single, sort of".
When I asked what that meant, he said that he had been in a relationship for "2 or 3 months", & didn't seem very happy about it. I think he expected me to move in, & sneak around & help him break it up without much effort on his part. (He can't seem to handle those kinds of things & seems to ask for help from other people.) Is this just him or a part of ASD?
I declined. I'm was not comfortable messing up an existing relationship, & I told him "If things changed he could look me up." (I also had some misgivings about his blame assigning.) He had done this to me before over something accidental that I had done. I apologized each time he brought it up, & I had explained things to his employer to get him off the hook. It was my fault.

I felt pretty awful after asking him his status, I felt put down by his answer, since he assumed i would cheat. I felt bad about what he seemed to be saying about his girlfriend too. I stopped going in to see him after that. (I haven't actually been face to face with him since the end of July.)
After I stopped seeing him, a bunch of his friends began yelling at me from passing cars about him. One even said that I had, "told him to break up with his GF." I did not say that.

After that I began to be followed around town by some of these people. I was initially afraid, but then I just got very angry, & that made me more resolved Not to ever see him again. Somebody took a photo of my car & license plate, & I'm pretty sure pix of me, without my permission, & circulated them to more men.
This gets complicated by the fact that we often pass each other on the way to work. This area is on the Escarpment, & I can take the same rd. as he does or take the highway, which is often clogged with accidents. There are no other ways to get to our respective destinations.
At this point I didn't know that he had left his previous job, & was at another location. This was a place where i now shopped, since i was avoiding his former place of work. He carpools, & runs friends to his former work place, hence the passing each other, several times in a week.

When in line @ the checkout, another former employee of his former work place spotted me, & went scurrying off. He (I guess?) phoned the guy I used to like to warn him. When leaving the parking lot, The Guy drives very slowly past me with his window down. He is wearing a long wig (I used to tell him his hair was nice & would better a lil' bit longer). He also has mirrored sunglasses, & really Tight T shirt, & has it pulled up over his bicep. This is not so much a disguise as maybe "eat your heart out, ain't I purty"?

The disguise thing went on for a while. He even seemed to have people in a car behind him checking my reaction. He'd be bouncing around in the car seat in disguise. (pretty hard to ignore!) He even seemed to have a friend or 2 who would wait @ my daughter's work place when I dropped her off, listen to find out what time she was finished work that day, so now I'm getting Really P.O.'d!
When I tried to confront him with this stuff he actually 1) called in his family to say that I was stalking him, & 2) had his sisters & ! ! His Mother!! ambush me. Is it possible that his family believes that? (He is so good at this stuff that he must have done it before.)
The following has tailed off, but not completely stopped, as I guess his friends got bored with it.
A few weeks ago my daughter's live in B.F.'s truck needed repairs, & he borrowed a car from his Mom to get to & from work. Now "The Guy" seems to be around almost every time I leave the house. There was a big light flash one night @ the end of the driveway. I think Somebody had photographed the "new car" in my driveway. He thinks I have a live in boyfriend, I guess? This controlling behavior makes me nervous & upset! He has gotten very close recently.
I don't think I'm in any physical danger....Do You?
Is this typical controlling of some but not all ASD men?
What can I do to stop it? I don't want to call the police into this. He prob. has a hard enough life without that.
Is there any point in trying to face to face reason with him? (I doubt that i could since he would not allow that.) I did seem to get through to him before by making eye contact.

It sounds like you are dealing with a highly sensitive person... more sensitive than usual. I feel more inclined to avoid conflict with people that I believe hate me. chances are, he was avoiding a very emotional situation since he obviously can't handle it.

Sending his friends after you.. seems very weird. I don't have any friends I would even dare ask or even want to do such things for me. There are a lot of things I would rather handle on my own. There are some friends I will ask in helping me do the right thing though.

Anyway, the manipulation or control thing... not sure what to make of it. He obviously misinterpreted what you said to begin with when you asked him about his status.

Last edited by aspiemike on 26 Nov 2013, 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

1) I have NEVER heard of a guy with ASD doing this. That's not to say that they don't, but this is the first time I have ever heard this.

2) Are you sure he has ASD and not something else? How do you know he has ASD?

3) Call the police to file a restraining order. This is escalating too much and could be potentially dangerous for you or your loved ones.

That's not Autism, that's Ka-Ray-Zee, and the two are in no way related.

If you feel safe enough, speaking with him is the best option. In a pubic place, like a restaurant or a Tim Horton's or something.

If that's not an option, MadeUnderground's #3 is the next go-to.


As for him not being able to end relationships easily, I can give you an anecdotal confirmation: this was also my experience. It was incredibly hard to end relationships for me.

I'm with Willard on this one.

I've heard that stalking, narcissism, & controlling behavior can be a part of Aspergers, & ASD.
I'm not sure how he could misinterpret status, unless you mean that he & G.F. had an "open relationship" & I didn't get that. I also wonder if the G.F. was really a caregiver, or maybe G.F. + caregiver. An ad appeared in the local weekly paper right after for a caregiver for an Autistic man, but this could have been a co-incidence.

+1

Seriously.
Even if he really is diagnosed ASD, which by the way seems relatively unlikely to me considering how manipulative and plugged in socially this guy seems to be even from your short description, that wouldn't change the fact that he's a complete wacko and an a** who's choosing to harass and stalk you and is responsible for those decisions.
Get a restraining order.

Check it out: autistic people are just people, and we'd prefer to be treated as such for the most part.
Please don't cut one of us a break for deliberately harassing you just because you feel pity for us.
In case you're wondering, yes, not wanting to call the police on him because you think his life must have been bad enough already because he's autistic is pitying him for being autistic.
We don't want your pity.
We would appreciate your understanding, occasionally your courtesy, and perhaps even your friendship, though.

Protect yourself from this nut job, please.
Thanks, and good luck!

Thanks again! If anything bad happens, I sure it will be via one of his friends. He likes to be blameless. I take all the normal precautions & some that have become kind of 'abnormal'.

This was just a friendly relationship. There never was any physical contact of any kind, not even fingers touching during a purchase. When I asked him his status, that seemed to turn on a switch with him. I went from a friend to the enemy, or maybe quarry.
One of the things that made me think ASD, after the fact was the conversations. He would often introduce random subjects or information. I enjoyed that. It sort of keeps you on your toes. Another thing that was odd... he seems to have no perception of what he looks like in comparison to other people. He assumed that I could not tell him apart from several other men in the store, & gave me a general description of each man who worked there. (he is prob 8 or more inches taller than the others, & has a very distinctive face.) Odd to think that you tell a man that you like him & he thinks you can't tell him apart from the others?! !

He had been 'interested' in the past, but I had the 24/7 responsibility for a parent who has multiple handicaps, so I declined, since I really had no spare time & was tied to the house all the time. He may have taken this as a rebuff. It wasn't. I had no time or energy for a relationship.
I did try to explain it to him, when I asked him about status, but i just got a dirty look. (He didn't care about my life.)

^^^^^^ So, you don't know if he has ASD or not?


Because I strongly suspect he doesn't. He seems like he could have some sort of personality disorder though.


If he was though, it'd be the first case I ever heard of an ASD man physically stalking AND having friends back him up and do all this stuff for him. None of it sounds like ASD.

None of this guy's behaviour sounds anything like autism. I'd go with crazy and I'd be very creeped out and scared by what's happening.

As others have said, this does not sound like ASD at all. I'm not sure where you heard that stalking, narcissism, & controlling behavior can be a part of Asperger's and ASD, because I have never read or heard this anywhere. Also, from what you describe of him he sounds very manipulative, which is pretty much the opposite of most ASD folks. His reactions also sound highly emotional and irrational, another sign that this is not ASD. He sounds like he does have some type of personality disorder, but not this one.

If I were in your situation I would call the police right away and have a restraining order filed, or at least have your calls/complaints on record so that, god forbid, something happens to you, they will know where to look. Maybe this guy will turn out to be harmless and this will all blow over. Or maybe he will make up something to one of his friends or family members and they come after you and you are hurt or even killed.

Personally I would not want to take my chances.

I initially tried to break this up into quoted points but you have just too much that needs addressing.

1) you never explain how you "discovered" he has "ASD"
2) and where excatly did you "hear" that "stalking, narcissism, controlling . . . " are all part of ASD? Actually quite the opposite is true, most with ASD AVOID such behavior as it requires INTERACTION, something we have difficulty with and have to learn.
3) Why do you assume that all ASD men are such criminal deviants? I could not determine this from any of your posts, yet your strongly posts suggest that you certainly believe this. and "I heard that . . . . " is certainly not a valid qualifier in my opinion.

You've "painted a picture" where some guy has actually gotten an entire community to come after you and your children in an very organized and concerted fashion. While it is not "impossible", per se. it is HIGHLY unlikely.

I'll offer an apology right now because the rest will not be comforting nor consoling. But in a nutshell, I think you personally should see a professional and get help for your own issues. The following is why:

I am not saying you haven't had some sort of trauma from some jerk, I don't know. But what I see when I read your post and responses is heavy paranoia and blame assigning. Again I will reiterate that I don't know what you have or have not been through because I don't know you nor your situation.

What I do know is what I have studied, and I have studied psychology considerably, and your writings suggest that you need to see a professional yourself to address your own personal issues, simply because even if everything you write is 100% true and someone is even misleading you about ASD, etc. then you should be getting help for your getting "suckered into" these situations. However your writings suggest you have issues, at the very least, with exaggerating things, (an entire group of people including his parents? this guy is a diabolical genius according to what you've written. Either that or you live in one really screwed up community).

I have seen multiple posts like this in the past and on multiple forums, that essentially try to "paint" anyone with ASD, as some sort of criminal psychopath, and more often than not it is someone with his/her own issues and expecting those with ASD to just agree with these ugly lies that this person has come to believe, for whatever reason. Often (not always granted, but often) this type of post comes from a person who has his or her own issues and wants to lash out at someone, and suddenly decides that "those who have offended" him/her has ASD and then S/he lashes out at online communities, while "seeking help" from them.

ASD is NOT a condition that CAUSES any of the behavior that you have described in your first post. Other issues might, and ASD can certainly be accompanied by other issues, even those that would or do. However, ASD is not some condition predominantly characterized by "psychopathic behavior". which is essentially what you've described, in addition, people with ASD are most usually not capable of organizing, executing and controlling such "group functions" that you have described of all of these people.

In short, according to your post, 'everyone' is ganging up on you and your family. Classical paranoia. There is always the remote possibility that everything you say is 100% true (in regards to what you have 'experienced'), but again, it is extremely unlikely.

As much as I might get flamed for all of this. I suggest you seek professional help yourself. Print out your original post, and include the comments about this guys parents and siblings ganging up on you, etc. and let the professional read it all. If S/he is 'worth his/her weight in salt' then S/he will start asking you some very uncomfortable questions that, if you truly want help, will require you to address issues in your own life.

I cannot say for certain as I don't know you nor your situation, but I am inclined to believe that you are in need of help yourself to address and manage your own psychological problems. Even if you have experienced all this and none of your story is fabricated or exaggerated, then you need help for the trauma you have faced. But again, take your posts to the psychiatrist (and I do strongly suggest a seasoned psychiatrist versus a psychotherapist or other social worker type 'professional')

Forgive me for sounding skeptical and being so blunt., but that is my thoughts based off of reading such a fantastical story.

Last edited by FlanMaster on 28 Nov 2013, 10:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

I's like to apologize to everyone here who has taken the time & effort to reply to me.
Sad to say, but when I Googled stalking to see what I was up against, in a surprising number of articles Aspergers, & the ASD was mentioned front & center. I hope that I have not offended anyone. I know that creepy behavior is in a category all by it's self.

Again thanks everyone for your kind & thoughtful replies.

I'm going to stop right here and ask you the following:

Why mention you're nice looking? What's the purpose?

Just curiosity, that's all.