Did I do anything wrong in this conversation?

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The_Postmaster
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02 Mar 2012, 6:12 pm

Hi, (her name). We didn't have any chem homework, did we?
Me
Nope!
Her
Thanks. By the way, I saw your status- you're going vegetarian for a month?
Me
I am!
Her
Wow, that's great. Any particular reason why?
Me
Meat.org. That's why.
Her
Yeah, I can see how that would get a lot of people to convert.
Me
It just feels like a better diet, too.
Her
Fair warning: you may feel some discomfort at first. Your body is accustomed to eating meat, if it doesn't get it, it may become confused.
Me
How long does that last?
Her
From what I've heard, about a week, maybe a little less.
Me
You're vegetarian, right?
Her
Yes, but I don't know much about what you're doing except from what people have told me. I was raised vegetarian.
Me
Oh, why's that?
Her
From a young age my mom told me that animals are our friends, and shouldn't be eaten. It sounds silly, but it stuck with me.
Me
Is all of your family?
Her
No, just me and my mom.
Me
That's still cool.
Her
Thanks, I don't often get the opportunity to meet (no pun intended) other vegetarians, even temporary ones, so this is cool.
Me
THat is cool!
Her
While you're a vegetarian, I have to recommend that you go to Veggie Heaven. It's a restaurant in Teaneck. If only to be able to say you experienced vegetarian cuisine.
Me
Well, the thirty days is just a starter, but I'm hoping I'll be able to make it part of my lifestyle. And thank you! You've been?
Her
Yes, the food is really quite good. And that's great. I was under the impression it was temporary. We might actually be getting a permanent convert.
Me
Well, it's starting as temporary. If I can make it the thirty days, why not longer?
Her
That's a good philosophy. It will be a little hard to integrate into your lifestyle at first, though.
Me
I'm sure it will. But I'll do it.
Her
Confidence is certainly a good thing. But don't feel bad if you can't do it, I've known people with wills of steel who just couldn't make such a major change of lifestyle.
Me
It's only food. Whatever. I'll be happy for the month that I do it for.
Her
That's good. That's really the main thing, regardless of other factors, isn't it?
Me
Of course. Always.
Her
Anyway, I have to go now, but it was nice talking to you. See you in chem on monday
Me
See you!
Her

I had to rewrite some of it from memory. Anyway, this is sort of the first genuine conversation I've had with this person, though I've admired her from afar for a while. Any advice would be appreciated. This is probably being paranoid, but I really hope she doesn't copy/paste our conversation and Google it, because then this might come up.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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02 Mar 2012, 6:27 pm

Two possibilities, quite different:

1) the conversation may have gone on for too long, or

2) she may have been hoping you'd ask her out. And was maybe a little put off that you didn't. Still ample time to recover graciously.

These are two very different possibilities, and the trick is to kind of suss out which is which. Maybe a series of medium steps where you're neither putting her nor yourself too much on the spot? And I wish I had more specific advice than this.



Orr
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02 Mar 2012, 6:35 pm

I do not know, but may be this could be in the 'members' section, which I believe is outside of google search, to assuage your fear.


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The_Postmaster
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02 Mar 2012, 6:38 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Two possibilities, quite different:

1) the conversation may have gone on for too long, or

2) she may have been hoping you'd ask her out. And was maybe a little put off that you didn't. Still ample time to recover graciously.

These are two very different possibilities, and the trick is to kind of suss out which is which. Maybe a series of medium steps where you're neither putting her nor yourself too much on the spot? And I wish I had more specific advice than this.

Huh. That second possibility is really quite weird. At my therapy group we've established that you have to be friends prior to asking someone out. Maybe she's different.

Also, it may be better in the member's section, but I doubt she's going to copy/pasta the convo and google it. That would be creepy, I think.



Hero
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02 Mar 2012, 6:44 pm

Perhaps, you could elaborate?

I'm failing to see a "wrong" in this conversation. It was pleasant and cordial, maintained over a decent length. It also ended with a simple and pleasant response. What exactly is "wrong" about it?

Is there more information beyond this conversation, or amongst the conversation you are not telling us or would like to know?

Are you automatically assuming she was lying to you and trying to run off? That does not seem to be the case. If there was non-verbal sentiments directing you to that conclusion, it is likely she merely became flustered or did not want to damage an otherwise good conversation from the introduction of a bad response. I see nothing in this conversation leading me to a "wrongful" or "Bad" conclusion.



ghostar
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02 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm

Wow! I think that conversation was perfect for a first in-depth encounter.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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02 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm

The_Postmaster wrote:
. . . At my therapy group we've established that you have to be friends prior to asking someone out. Maybe she's different. . .

That's one pattern. But sometimes two people can go on a light date, like going out to eat, as part of getting to know each other.



WhiteWidow
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02 Mar 2012, 6:54 pm

This totally sounds like she was asking you out.



The_Postmaster
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02 Mar 2012, 7:22 pm

To verify, I was the initiator of the conversation. The name below a statement is who said it, not above. Sorry for any confusion.
@Ghostar, thanks!
@Hero, no, I'm not leaving anything out. I don't see anything wrong either, but that's the point. I wouldn't. That's why I need people with a more seasoned eye to look at it for me.
@Whitewidow, was your assessment made knowing which one of us was saying which thing? I don't see how this could possibly be her asking me out.



Marcia
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02 Mar 2012, 7:26 pm

I don't think it sounds like she was asking you out, but it was a friendly conversation which gives you the opportunity to ask her if she'd like to go for a meal with you at the veggie restaurant she recommended. :)

Ok, just read your last post. I got it the wrong way round, but it was still a friendly conversation, and you could still ask her out for a meal at that restaurant.



cathylynn
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02 Mar 2012, 7:41 pm

great conversation between two folks with a common interest. wish i had more of those myself.



ebec11
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02 Mar 2012, 8:39 pm

Marcia wrote:
I got it the wrong way round, but it was still a friendly conversation, and you could still ask her out for a meal at that restaurant.
I completely agree, may say you want to try out the restaurant with somebody, and would like to take her out? It can be completely as friends, it's just nice to go out with a friend, especially in a new place. From there, you can build a good friendship, and if you see more signs that she could possibly be interested in a relationship, push it towards the romantic route a bit.



minervx
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03 Mar 2012, 12:12 am

1 - if she were to copy/paste google it, she'd have no grounds to think any less of you for asking for advice about it because she'd be internet stalking you. 99% chance, that's not happening.

2 - i think the conversation went well overall. one mistake you made (which is not too big of a mistake) was writing all of that about will and confidence after she said "i'm sure it will but i'll do it". it wasn't necessary as you already expressed that view numerous times before. after that her answers were getting curt and you did the right thing by closing the conversation shortly after.



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03 Mar 2012, 1:30 am

I didn't see anything wrong, really. You even ended the conversation first when her answers were getting a bit shorter, which is a plus. If anything, you could have taken a small risk and asked her out to that vegetarian restaurant, something like

That's still cool.
Her
Thanks, I don't often get the opportunity to meet (no pun intended) other vegetarians, even temporary ones, so this is cool.
Me
That is cool!
Her
While you're a vegetarian, I know this restaurant in Teaneck, where they sell some quite good vegetarian food
Me
Really? Which one?
Her
Veggie Heaven. We could go there some day, so you get to experience some real vegetarian cuisine
Me
Her: Meh, I won't delude myself or others into thinking I know how it would go from here. You might had gotten yourself a date without being overly blatant, or made her think about spending time with you in the future, which is good, or just made her wonder why would you jump so fast at the opportunity of taking her to lunch. It really depends on how long have you known her, and the way she sees you. Now you know she's vegetarian, and next time you want to start a conversation with her you can use it to your advantage, like "hey, how is it going with your diet" or the riskier "hey, are you still vegetarian or did you go back to your evil ways" (that has to come off as a joke, complicated in a text environment).
And those things I call risky would be perfectly normal for some guys I know, who in turn get away which worse stuff heh.



GlendaGoodWitch
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03 Mar 2012, 9:01 am

You did nothing wrong. Did you notice she checked your "status" and discovered you were a vegetarian too? Then the conversation took place. She found something to talk to you about. Tell her you are thinking about going to the place to eat over the weekend, ask for suggestions and ask her if she'd like to go with you seeing that she enjoys the place already, you would love some company and you are not sure what is good off the menu. Make sure you tell her any time is good, you pick the time. The worst is that you've made a new friend. (If she turns you down, which I do not think she will, shrug it off and say, ok, thanks anyway for the food suggestion. maybe some other time then.)

I definitely think she was hoping you would ask her out. But all is not lost. Use the "can you make a suggestion line followed by would you like to join me". And if she does say yes, insist on paying for her. Girls love gentlemen.

Good luck.



The_Postmaster
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03 Mar 2012, 10:27 pm

GlendaGoodWitch wrote:
You did nothing wrong. Did you notice she checked your "status" and discovered you were a vegetarian too? Then the conversation took place. She found something to talk to you about. Tell her you are thinking about going to the place to eat over the weekend, ask for suggestions and ask her if she'd like to go with you seeing that she enjoys the place already, you would love some company and you are not sure what is good off the menu. Make sure you tell her any time is good, you pick the time. The worst is that you've made a new friend. (If she turns you down, which I do not think she will, shrug it off and say, ok, thanks anyway for the food suggestion. maybe some other time then.)

I definitely think she was hoping you would ask her out. But all is not lost. Use the "can you make a suggestion line followed by would you like to join me". And if she does say yes, insist on paying for her. Girls love gentlemen.

Good luck.


Sorry for the confusion, but the person whose name is written under the statement is the person who said it. I was the one who recommended the restaurant.

In addition, I'm feeling a bit self conscious now. Someone whom I know vaguely from school- we're in a couple of classes together, but I've never spoken to her before- posted a youtube link to a song on her wall, saying that it's by the same group she played for her after "THE INCIDENT." Could that be related to me starting a conversation with her? Could that be viewed as some sort of moral/social trespass, and be classified as an "incident?" Or are they referring to some other incident? I'm probably over thinking this.