I don't know who I am or who I should be...

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Okay, first of all, hello everyone. I thought this would be a great place to discuss my dating problems since other sites that include venting threads include people who ridicule me and harass me about my views on woman and dating as a whole.

I should say, I went through my entire childhood (including high school up to graduation) unable to properly talk to girls. I had a few girls who were friends, but I could never figure out what to do after that step. Needless to say, after seeing how happy everybody around me were as they were in relationships, I began to hate myself and eventually attempted suicide (this was after a tremendous heartbreak moment which I will get into later). After high school, I focused on my looks. I studied the kind of guy that girls liked and changed my entire appearance. I spent a lot of time on my hair, straightening it into one of those emo swoosh things, I wore tight shirts and tight jeans...suddenly, girls were all over me. I can tell that girls are now crazy about me and I get a lot of girls flirting with me at work. But, after being rejected all through high school (not counting of course the dozens of girls who ignored me) I began to hate women. I hated how when I was ugly they didn't care to get to know me, and when I was "attractive" suddenly they couldn't care about what I was into, instead lying about it in order to make me happy ("Yeah, I like video games!" "What do you play?" "Oh, you know. Halo or whatever...").

Anyways, I finally met the girl of my dreams about two years after high school. We had so much in common. Though, she had just started dating one of her old friends at the time we met, so it didn't feel right for me to take her on dates. I entered the friendzone again. Years go by and I was still obsessed with her. Now, this guy she was dating broke up with her numerous times, but she did everything she could to win him back (I hated him with a passion, not only because he treated the only girl I ever loved like crap, but he was also a womanizer. Participating in threesomes and sleeping with a 16 year old). I've still never had sex and neither had she. The first time he broke up with her was because she didn't want to sleep with him.
Anyways, I confessed my love to her one day and she said she still loved him (it had been months since they broke up). She called me her best friend. I was heartbroken. This was when I tried to down all my anti-depressants and blacked out for a couple hours. I can't properly convey my feelings for her in text. We did everything together and she hurt me.

She tells me a year later that she's pregnant. The night she overcame her fear of sex was the night she became pregnant with the man I hate's child. She did this in order for him to "take her back."
Now, since he's such a scumbag, he dumped her again. So she keeps complaining that no one will ever date her now. I still would. I would gladly raise that child with her, but she's still lusting after this...I can't even lump him in the human race. He's disgusting.

So...now I seem to get some sort of sick pleasure of having women fall in love with me, and then never letting them into my life. I hate myself for it...and it seems to happen uncontrollably. I make a few passing remarks on what I think is horrible behavior on women's part on the internet, and I get flamed into the dirt for it. I just don't think I'll ever understand them. I seem to hate everyone I date...and it just makes me want to cry because I'm so sick of the loneliness.

I dunno. I probably sound like a horrible person. I just don't know what's become of me.

I no longer have feelings for this other girl either, she has lost my respect.

It's not unreasonable for people not to want to have relationships with those they consider unattractive. In your case, it sounds that it was simply the way you dressed that they found unattractive though, and you were able to rectify that situation. As far as not being interested in what you are into, most people are not interested in everything their partner or friends are into. The wives of men who are really into cars and football probably aren't really into cars and football, they just respect that their husbands are interested in those things. You might be into video games but it's ok for someone you date or associate with not to be interested in them.



I understand you feel very deeply for this girl but there are a few things you should be aware of.

1. High school romances rarely result in marriage, and the marriages they do result in tend to end in divorce. Even if you two did date, it would be highly unlikely that things would have worked out, and your relationship with her may have ended up worse than it is now.

2. You were hurt because she did not reciprocate your feelings for her, but she did not intentionally hurt you. She cannot turn on attraction for you any more than you can turn off your attraction for her. We generally don't choose who we are attracted to, we just acknowledge that we are attracted to them.

3. I have more to say in regard to the above text block, however maybe that would best be said some other time as I do not feel it would be constructive to you at the moment.



Even if she were not still lusting after this man, it does not mean she will fall madly in love with you and move in.



Maybe it's time to explain number 3.

It would likely be an understatement to say you are understandably upset about the whole situation, but your anger towards women in general is misplaced. You were hurt to the extent you were not only due to the (innocent) actions of this girl, but because of your own actions and inexperience in dealing with situations like this from the beginning.

When a person is highly attracted to another individual who does not reciprocate those feelings, it's best for everyone to move on. When you linger in the friend zone just to keep yourself close to the other person, it results in situations like the one you experienced. Your mistake is not unique. There are at least four other posts on this website which tell the same story and it is told by girls and boys, men and women alike.

That being said, you need to forgive this girl, and yourself, and you need to let yourself discover that, though women can be daunting and socially complex, not all of them are, and statistically speaking, there is likely a woman out there who you can have similarly strong feelings for and who will reciprocate those feelings.

It wasn't a high school romance. I met her in college. And I did forgive her, that's why I've been dating again. I tried dating a girl who I shared a lot of interests with, but I wasn't attracted to her and only dated her to fill a void. Then I dated another girl who after three dates, I found out had a boyfriend (which is probably why she never returned my texts).

I'm at a point of extreme apathy. I no longer care about being in a relationship or dating anybody. Of course, working at a movie theater, I come in contact with a lot of couples and I want nothing more than to do something to split them up...or whatever. I'm honestly considering asexuality. I mean, I have no attraction to men, but I can't get past my hangups with women. I can never tell who if I'm attracted to a girl based on looks or personality...or neither.

Sometimes it's neither. Sometimes you will just be attracted to someone due to phermones. I don't think it's necessarily bad to be apathetic about dating as long as you don't actively close yourself off from it. You might actually be able to pursue healthier relationships now that you don't care so much about whether it results in anything or not.

It sounds like you were in a difficult situation and you became overly attached to someone that you felt unrequited love for, if she was only a friend and made it clear that she wanted to be friends, you should have let go of your feelings for her instead of feeding them.

She wanted what she couldn't have from this guy and he was pulling her along on a thread whereas she knew she could have you in a moment because of your unrequited love for her. The situation put you in a vulnerable situation and she valued the other guy more than you because he was playing hard to get. She made it perfectly clear that she was interested in another guy yet you still persisted on with your thoughts and obsession over her, it was unhealthy for you to be attached to her and at least you have walked away knowing that now.

I think if you have the tendency to fixate or obsess over a certain girl and not allow potential marriage partners or women that realistically want to date you, that could be a reason why. You will look back on your life in a few years and realize this girl wasn't any more special than any other girl out there, it's your obsessive and fixating thoughts that lead you into this situation. I think therapy could be a potential help for you and might definitely help you overcome fixating or getting infatuated.

Sorry to say this but that girl is really stupid... -_____-
And you're clearly having the typical excess obsession on a girl.

The truth is that even if you do date her, she will probably never love you, she will only appreciate your help. This girl is the worst kind, don't date girls who get screwed up by their boyfriend over and over and still get back with them. And common, a baby... She just had to wear a condom.

Sorry if this is harsh.

No, you're right. I should also point out that I don't BELIEVE that I hate women. I was told this and I stupidly believe it. That's another problem of mine. Years of being ignored and constant rejection tore apart my self-confidence.

Asexual would more mean you have no desire for sex....and that is not the impression you've given.