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Onewithwings
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17 Feb 2012, 10:20 am

I say this a lot, but it's really true.

I am not in a good place to date anybody, I really have to work on me. I have no plans on getting in a relationship any time soon. But it seems like I am ALWAYS developing crushes on people, most of whom I know I'm not even really compatible with. I wish I didn't have to deal with these kind of random people obsessions, it would make my life a lot easier. Given time, they usually go away on their own, but a new one always pops up in its place, and I have to deal with the whole thing all over again! Also, I am a huge flirt, and don't seem to have a hard time getting guys' attention, which usually leads to me taking things a bit further than I wanted to. I just get carried away, not sure why, maybe just human nature or whatever. Still, I wish there was an easier way to fight it.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Feb 2012, 10:34 am

I don't crush too often (very few people in my lifetime), but my crushes were always crashing and lengthy.



MisterSpock
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17 Feb 2012, 11:54 am

I get this too - I must have had a crush on someone for the last 4 of 5 years at least. I have no way of dealing with it yet. Next time I'll nip it in the bud as early as possible, see if that helps.



unduki
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17 Feb 2012, 11:57 am

Finding someone you can trust and committing to a monogamous relationship helps this, but... find someone you can trust...


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Onewithwings
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17 Feb 2012, 12:26 pm

It's not them that's untrustworthy, it's ME.


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techstepgenr8tion
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17 Feb 2012, 12:47 pm

I don't know if this has just been my own mind's mechanism for opting out of crushes or if its sincerely the root cause that I've hit but I found that when I was crushing a lot I saw traits in people that I admired that I wished to have myself, and part of my resolution was either working to instill those traits in myself or, when that couldn't be done, finding out why I could make those things manifest from my side. In my mid 20's people found it absurd even that I had so many people who I indicated that I could learn something from, for me it was because I'd been horridly overmedicated from age 11 to 19, either lost those years or moved at half or one-third mast, and because of that I was still kind of filling a developmental gap of sorts.

Don't know if your scenario is anything similar in mechanics but I figure the more you untangle your own mysteries the less of a problem you have. The only word of caution - be a bit careful what you wish for; too much crushing does suck, on the other hand when you can go years without being touched or moved by another person's integrity or character it does leave life feeling a bit hollow.


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CrazyStarlightRedux
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17 Feb 2012, 4:02 pm

This may help you next time you "crush".

Image

Seriously though, it does suck when you constantly get it though.



Onewithwings
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19 Feb 2012, 4:03 pm

So, the guy I'm currently (for whatever reason) crushing on told me that his mom is going out of town for a bit starting this Thursday, so he'll have the house and car to himself. Asked if I wanted to come hang out there for a few days. :chin:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2012, 4:11 pm

Onewithwings wrote:
So, the guy I'm currently (for whatever reason) crushing on told me that his mom is going out of town for a bit starting this Thursday, so he'll have the house and car to himself. Asked if I wanted to come hang out there for a few days. :chin:


Your crush wasn't too subtle to him, I assume.

Go, but keep in mind that he may want to exploit your crush toward him sexually.



starryeyedvoyager
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19 Feb 2012, 5:14 pm

Had the same problem some years ago when still at school. Started to tell myself everyday that there would be no way I could ever be with that other person, and some day, it just went away. Now I rarely have that anymore.



Onewithwings
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19 Feb 2012, 8:27 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Onewithwings wrote:
So, the guy I'm currently (for whatever reason) crushing on told me that his mom is going out of town for a bit starting this Thursday, so he'll have the house and car to himself. Asked if I wanted to come hang out there for a few days. :chin:


Your crush wasn't too subtle to him, I assume.

Go, but keep in mind that he may want to exploit your crush toward him sexually.


As long as he doesn't ask me out it's all good with me.....


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techstepgenr8tion
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19 Feb 2012, 10:05 pm

Onewithwings wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Onewithwings wrote:
So, the guy I'm currently (for whatever reason) crushing on told me that his mom is going out of town for a bit starting this Thursday, so he'll have the house and car to himself. Asked if I wanted to come hang out there for a few days. :chin:


Your crush wasn't too subtle to him, I assume.

Go, but keep in mind that he may want to exploit your crush toward him sexually.


As long as he doesn't ask me out it's all good with me.....

:salut:

Lead on! We'll have high-fives awaiting your return.


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19 Feb 2012, 10:13 pm

Well... you could try being less adorable :P


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Onewithwings
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06 Mar 2012, 9:40 pm

So I ended up staying over for a week... I had a good time, it actually went better than I thought it would...

But now he's started posting stuff on Facebook like this:

Quote:
all ways the friend, the escape, the stepping stone,the therapist, the sex toy but never the boy friend


I kind of feel bad now, even though he didn't say it was about me, I'm assuming it was, or at least, that I fall into this category.

I actually really like him, and probably would have dated him under different circumstances, but a) we're both moving across the country soon, and b) I am just not ready for a boyfriend right now.

Is there something I can say to that without making assumptions or making myself sound stupid?


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