Mom is critiquing my bf.

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So yeah. I've been dating this guy for almost 8 months now and I'm really happy. My bf and I can't tell if she likes him or not. She has given me her "observations." Basically she thinks he's been babied too much (she's taken to referring him as "buttercup" when he's not here), as his parents have money and he needs 12 hours of sleep (he's 27), and has acid reflux and a sensitive stomach so there are a lot of foods he can't eat. He also has allergies. Apparently these things make him a baby. She also thinks he's controlling and has "mental problems" and I take offense to that. He's a little hyper, yes but he's just excited about life, what's wrong with that? He's hardly controlling, he's just better at making decisions than I am. I told him to not worry about my mother as she wouldn't be satisfied even if I was dating Jesus Christ himself. Should I tell my bf of her critiques or let them roll off my back? How can I manage it when she starts talking smack about him again because I just get stunned as he's the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever dated and I can't imagine thinking ill of him. Yes he's impulsive sometimes and has a bit of a temper when it comes to people being rude or flat out stupid but he's gotten better with that and he would never hurt me. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?

definitely do NOT pass on mom's critique. they may hurt his feelings and will definitely change his feelings toward her.

is your mom the type who generally runs people down? if she is, there's probably nothing you can do about it. try not to react so you don't add fuel to the fire.

luckily you're an adult and can decide what advice of mom's is worthwhile and what to let go.

Erisad I have talked to you about my lovely mother before. I have told my boyfriend all the stuff she says, why? i don't want him to understand exactly why i get upset. It is her behaviour that is in appropriate. If my boyfriend loves me, he will care about things which upset me too. i am also not going to lie about her behaviour when i owe her nothing to do so.

No. Don't tell him what your mother has to say. He might take it personally and think because you're telling him this that you are also critiquing him and are not interested in him. Your mom is entitled to her opinion, but you don't have to acknowledge it. She might actually be jealous that someone makes you happy. Perhaps, she is afraid of losing you to this guy that you really love. Moms can get weird like that.

honestly, i think its best to be direct with your mom. tell her you are with your boyfriend for a reason, and it really makes you sad / upset / mad / whatever when she trash talks your boyfriend, and refers to him disrespectfully, like he isnt good enough. if you love him, tell her so.

if she keeps it up, just walk away when she starts badmouthing him. every single time she talks trash about your BF just get up, stop whatever you were doing, and walk away. eventually she'll get the message, and hopefully stop her behavior.

i wouldnt tell your BF about what she says, though. surely this wont make things better. it will just make your bf react differently to her. if he previously thought she didnt mind him, or was just a bit iffy on him, and he learns that she basically hates him (or w/e), he'll act a lot differently, then she might start to dislike him even more!

There is no boyfriend who will ever get your mother's approval. This isn't about him (even though she made those highly specific comments). It's about the relationship between her and you. She doesn't want to fade from influence in your life and will fight anyone or anything that threatens to become more influential in your life than her.

There is nothing you can do to change her. This just is how she is. So don't try to convince her that her criticisms are unfounded. That will fail and you might wind up second guessing yourself. And definately don't tell your boyfriend. He doesn't need to hear hurtful things.

Instead, don't take the things she says seriously. Think of them as just chatter that is irrelevent to your life or relationships. Don't analyze what she says. Don't try to think up a compelling counter-argument. Just let it go in one ear and out the other.

For a fun game that might help you take her comments less seriously and better be able to ignore try thinking of critiques she might have if you were dating legendary people from history. You said she wouldn't be satisfied if you were dating Jesus Himself. So have some fun and think of criticisms she might come up with if you were dating him, ("his clothes look rather raggedy", "I'm concerned about his distant relationship with his father"). What if you dated Ghandi? Or the Pope? It's all silly but that's the point. If you make a game of trying to think up objections she'd have, it might help you distance yourself from the objections she actually is having to your bf.

Your relationship does not involve your mother, so her opinions are not relevant in the slightest. If you two are both happy then simply discard the "observations" and keep being happy. You might also want to tell your mum that you find the comments offensive and, although she may only be making them lightheartedly, you would like her to stop, or at least stop when you're around.

I would suggest just trying to ignore it. You still live with your mom & are dependent on her so you don't want to risk causing too much conflict between you guys; least she's allowing you to date him instead of kicking you out for it.