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baka-kun
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11 Mar 2012, 11:12 pm

me and this girl both have aspergers, im new to the aspie community as i was only diagnosed a year ago so i have no idea how to respond to or read anyone with aspergers or other forms of autism.
we dated from november through the first half of january, when she decided or realized that she didnt want a relationship just a "firend and maybe a lover" and we stopped dating but we still talked,even though she had almost completely shut down only giving really short replys to all of my txts. a lot has happened in our lives in this past month including her brother passing. lately shes been a lot more open and talkative then she has been sence we stopped dating, and we're going to hang out next week. im still really attracted to her on a number of levels and i want something with her even if its not a full blown relationship, any advice?



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11 Mar 2012, 11:26 pm

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Arman_Khodaei
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11 Mar 2012, 11:27 pm

Keep things simple and end the date with a hug and a kiss to the check. See how she reacts and then say we should hang out again, or maybe even say, I've missed how you smile, let's do this again, and then for the second date, I guess talk about your feelings and kiss her if she seems interested.


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nick007
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11 Mar 2012, 11:29 pm

Give her some time to deal with the death of her brother & then you can try talking to her about how you still want to have some kind of relationship with her. I find the direct approach is best for us Aspies especially sense you both are.


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baka-kun
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12 Mar 2012, 12:25 am

the plan is to wait...



Tim_Tex
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12 Mar 2012, 12:41 am

baka-kun wrote:
the plan is to wait...


You're doing the right thing with that, and it is considered very offensive to ask someone out on a date that shortly after a death in the family.


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Arman_Khodaei
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12 Mar 2012, 1:01 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
baka-kun wrote:
the plan is to wait...


You're doing the right thing with that, and it is considered very offensive to ask someone out on a date that shortly after a death in the family.


But, he already said that they are hanging out. I don't know why he can't hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek. That will show her that he at least cares about her. As a matter of fact, after her brother died, she might be looking for someone to give her a hug and be there for her and maybe she does need the attention to help her heal. When we are going through times, we often we want someone there to help pull us through that, and she might be looking for that. You never know.


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nick007
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12 Mar 2012, 1:54 am

Arman_Khodaei wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
baka-kun wrote:
the plan is to wait...


You're doing the right thing with that, and it is considered very offensive to ask someone out on a date that shortly after a death in the family.


But, he already said that they are hanging out. I don't know why he can't hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek. That will show her that he at least cares about her. As a matter of fact, after her brother died, she might be looking for someone to give her a hug and be there for her and maybe she does need the attention to help her heal. When we are going through times, we often we want someone there to help pull us through that, and she might be looking for that. You never know.

Some Aspies have problems with being touched & she may consider kissing a very intimate act. That gesture could be interpreted as him coming on to her & he should be showing her that he respects her boundaries.


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Arman_Khodaei
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12 Mar 2012, 1:58 am

nick007 wrote:
Arman_Khodaei wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
baka-kun wrote:
the plan is to wait...


You're doing the right thing with that, and it is considered very offensive to ask someone out on a date that shortly after a death in the family.


But, he already said that they are hanging out. I don't know why he can't hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek. That will show her that he at least cares about her. As a matter of fact, after her brother died, she might be looking for someone to give her a hug and be there for her and maybe she does need the attention to help her heal. When we are going through times, we often we want someone there to help pull us through that, and she might be looking for that. You never know.

Some Aspies have problems with being touched & she may consider kissing a very intimate act. That gesture could be interpreted as him coming on to her & he should be showing her that he respects her boundaries.


I'm not saying for him to make out but to give a goobye kiss on the cheek. She might see it as intimate. I guess it depends. But, I do think at least he should give her a hug for sympathy. That would show her that he cares about what she is going through.


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nick007
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12 Mar 2012, 3:10 am

Arman_Khodaei wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Arman_Khodaei wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
baka-kun wrote:
the plan is to wait...


You're doing the right thing with that, and it is considered very offensive to ask someone out on a date that shortly after a death in the family.


But, he already said that they are hanging out. I don't know why he can't hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek. That will show her that he at least cares about her. As a matter of fact, after her brother died, she might be looking for someone to give her a hug and be there for her and maybe she does need the attention to help her heal. When we are going through times, we often we want someone there to help pull us through that, and she might be looking for that. You never know.

Some Aspies have problems with being touched & she may consider kissing a very intimate act. That gesture could be interpreted as him coming on to her & he should be showing her that he respects her boundaries.


I'm not saying for him to make out but to give a goobye kiss on the cheek. She might see it as intimate. I guess it depends. But, I do think at least he should give her a hug for sympathy. That would show her that he cares about what she is going through.

As an Aspie guy I would have real problems with a girl giving me a sympathy hug because I HATE being touched unless I am in a relationship with the person & I might would misinterpret that gesture if I knew she had feelings for me. He could show he cares in other ways like being supportive; that's how I would show it.


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12 Mar 2012, 6:46 pm

It's for the best.


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baka-kun
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12 Mar 2012, 10:27 pm

Well we hung out today... And shes almost completely shut down, we walked around for an hour and she barely spoke... but she still want to be friends