My problems with girls..

Post Reply New Topic

As an aspie, I have a lot of problems communicating with girls. I always find myself wondering why girls rarely even talk to me. I feel like the way I make eye contact with not just girls, but with most people in general, can just be really weird. Especially with girls, I feel like I get judged by them when I'm probably not. I try to be nice and personable with girls, but it never seems to work. Sometimes I wonder if I should just be a complete jerk to girls to get anywhere with them, but I don't think that would work either, because I'm sure I'd find a way to screw that up too.. I don't think I'd be a bad boyfriend, I'm easy going and people tell me I'm funny and I always do favors for people, even though that usually winds up biting me.

I wonder if I just care too much about getting a "relationship." Blah

Do you do favors for people when it's a big inconvenience for you and most people would not go out of their way to do the same favor for others given the circumstances?

From Thilo at Ninjapirate.com.

I got no advice.

Definitely don't act like a jerk, there's a difference between being witty as opposed to being a complete jerk and if you don't have the confidence or reciprocity to pull it off, you will just come off as a negative guy. I'm not saying everyone else will have honourable and good intentions either, there are many people that will try to outwit you or go below the belt if need be.

As for the body language and eye contact, that can take time but watch sitcoms, film, theatre plays, try to mimic what you see in the mirror. Observe others and see how they reciprocate and respond to each other, this will really help.

that is pure horsecrap.

the bolded part may be your problem. there is another thread in the forum called "breaking the desperation cycle" or something, which may be of assistance to you.

"nice" and "personable" are not marketable traits; they are socially expected behaviours. hairstylists are nice and personable. so you'll need to cultivate something more than that. keep in mind that doing the opposite doesn't work either. what i mean is that you need to be something MORE. you need to be interesting. some of the highly successful people in love and dating are those that have a strong sense of themselves and are aware of their own strengths and worth.

also, make sure that you aren't doing favours for females in the expectation they will reciprocate with any sort of romantic feeling. a sense of indebtedness is not an aphrodisiac.

I think this is something that the males (not just here) who look at movies as a way on how to live get wrong. In movies the main lonely guy helps a girl and she seems to finally look at him in a new light and they end up together. In reality that wont happen, whats more likely to happen is she will ask for more help.

And i agree on the horsecrap comment. Theres no doubt women seem to like a**holes but i dont think its a mental challenge.

except women don't usually like a**holes. most prefer civil men.

Has not been my experience and neither the same of mny guys out there, both nice and otherwise

you're evidently not seeing it clearly.

if 99% of men date someone eventually, that would mean that you are calling 99% of men a**holes. after all, they are the ones who are dating. that is ridiculous.

umm, where did i say that? Theres a difference between falling for a type and going only for one type. Example, I like redheads. That doesnt mean i only go after redheads. If it did then me not having someone would be down to my choice in looking for just a redhead and not on the actual female population. (that was not real btw before you all start giving me crap),

That's a bit of a generalization, but it's true for a lot of women, unfortunately. Bad guys exude more testosterone, and many women will (subconsciously) pine for them to get strong offspring. It's basic evolutionary psychology. After he served his purpose, the nice guy can pay for the upbringing of the child.

thanks for all the advice everyone.

you said that women seem to like a**holes. if it isn't 99%, then how many is it? i sincerely doubt that most women "settle" on a nice guy because they can't get an a**hole. that would not make sense.

no.... it's actually not true, which is why most women don't date a**holes (or if they do by accident they don't stay with them).

Unfortunately, there is a phenomena that exists during a female's menstrual cycle, about the time of fertility if I remember rightly, where a woman will choose an aggressive male ove a nice one. It is almost an instinct & driven by pheromones.
I am not saying girls actually LIKE jerks, but this is how they often end up WITH jerks as partners.

Sincerely,
Matthew