Suicidal over Aspie+Aspie breakup

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The breakup feels like "the straw that broke the camels back"

My ex and I met five years ago through one guy I'd known for 7 years; i was his best friend and he was mine. I had to call the cops on him for felony entrapment he committed on her. he was such a manipulative liar that he would make up something outrageous about himself such as an accomplishment and would then say something like, "lets go to my house, i have the paper there; i'll prove it to you." He'd lie when he didn't have to lie and he believed his lies; aspies like us couldnt help but believe it either.. I don't know if he's changed, but we have one associate in common and when I told that associate, that same manipulative guy calls me the same day- yesterday.

He said, lifes to short to hold grudges and that I can come over and play games and guitar with him. (music is my "savant" ability and the only reason ive ever met anyone)

I'm not sure what to think of this other than, "Efff that!" I unintentionally got into a long term relationship with his ex after they broke up and he found out quick through our one asociate. he even threatened to kill me and said i was lucky murder is illegal.

Thats enough of a backstory- here's the topic: we were in a relationship for 1 year, 8 months, she has aspergers like her father. Her father has no friends, but we got along well enough. her mother loved me. my whole family loved my girlfriend.

My main problem is my anger; I did so much for her; I pushed her to graduate college, earn a certificate later on, and I even helped get her job that i wanted so badly. she didnt even thank me and i confronted her with my anger. She said in her own words that she would not have any of those things if I werent in her life and that she'd very likely be worse off.

I am very self absorbed and selfish and it does not make me happy just that she's happier and better off without me now!

I wanted her to push me to do great things like I did for her. She didn't do anything for me other than give me my first relationship which is kind of pathetic considering that I myself just got lucky and was in the right place at the right time to take advantage of the previous breakup.

She drove me crazy wih her insecurities throughout her relationship and near the end it was so bad that I was calling her horrible names without even being prompted. The relationship has shown me what a horrible, jealous, and angry person I can be and it's really hurting deep inside to know I can no longer talk to the woman I qite literally lived with for one year and 8 months as we were so co-dependant. We decided to go "no-contact" two months ago but last week we broke up.

I think it was very bad for my first real relationship where I was really in love with the women to involve me living with her for that long. my other relationships lasted -4 months and i knew were shallow. There ere so many good times and I can't stop missing her. I drove to her apartment this night and "stalked" her. i feel like im going crazy and ive seriously been worrying that if i dont kill myself, ill end up a drug addict, homeless, or worse, a psycho-killer.

ive had suicial ideations since i was being bullied at around age eleven. ive been working so hard in therapy for the past several years to better myself but i see no results. im still the same
freak that ive always been.

the relationship brought a level of happiness to my life id never before experienced...ever. and i was just lucky to get her. i have no real friends, only people that tolerate me. i dont connect with people, not even family. my mother has final stage cirhhosis of the liver and will soon die, were in deep debt due to her immense medical bills, i met my dad for the first time 3 years ago and i dislike him, when my grandpa dies we have to move, and my autistic traits keep me from holding down a job or developing meaning relationships. these are permanent problems and i need a permanent solution.

What do you think?

I apologize for it being so long, I just feel so crazy and I needed to get it all out.

Well it's no reason to kill yourself that is not the solution to any problem.

its a problem to me because i dont want to accept that im going to always be different. i want to be able to have friends, hold down a job, etc.

I have a job and friends being a aspie shouldn't keep you from having those thing's a lot of us on WP have those thing's in our lifes just got to make the best of thing's can't let it bother you or you will obsess about it.

Whilst I cannot relate to everything you write, I can understand some of it and hope that this response goes some way to help. I have felt suicidal in my time, and even attempted it on more that one occasion. At these times, I did not have a job or a relationship, and had not really managed either of those with any success. Thankfully, I did not succeed in my attempts and am now happily married and have been working for a number of years (part-time, admittedly, but that is necessary for my sanity and survival!)

That may seem simplistic to you at present, which I can appreciate. The length of time and amount of effort between the person I was and the person I am were both fairly significant. I am not for a moment saying that life is not a struggle - it has been, and still is at times. I only recently realised that many of my 'issues' in life have been down to the fact that I am an Aspie. Understanding this, and 'being kind to myself' as a result, has helped me to cope with life better.

I would not be totally honest if I did not add that my Christian faith and the friends I did make through this faith have also been a great source of strength and instrumental to this change. I know that the idea of a loving God is hard for some people to accept, and I apologise if the mention of this aspect of things is a problem for you. I would not be telling the whole story if I did not mention it, though, which strikes me as unfair.

Anyway, I hope and trust that things begin to improve for you soon. Hang in there, it can get better. I am living proof of that.

You found her. You had a very in depth learning experience. You will meet someone new. You will use what you learned about yourself in your past experience to not make the same mistakes. This situation brought you more experiences than you every thought you would have. Now, think of the possibility that in the future you will have more experiences that you never thought possible. I know it is hard to not be fearfull of change, but everything is constantly changing. You can't stop change. So, no you will not always be the same. You will change too. Keep a positive attitude and the change that comes will be possitive. Fight everyday to have a positive attitude!

Thank you al for your positive responses! My negativity is a huge problem and I get stuck in it often.