No experience or frame of reference, help please

Post Reply New Topic

I'm posting here because I haven't been able to find help elsewhere, and had until now been unwilling to spill out into this forum.

The short version:
How do you deal with unrequited feelings?

The long version:
I've known this girl for many years, and two years ago I realised I had slight feelings for her. I know now that nipping it in the bud may have been better (i.e. say something right off). The feelings grew over time to what I now admit is love. Literally on the day I decided to tell her how I felt, she announced her new relationship to the world. It lasted for over a year.
During this time, she had some trouble with the guy, and I think she turned to me for (a more physical) comfort, i.e. close contact, lounging on me, doing what I would call 'girlfriend things'. After the break-up, I waited for a short time before telling her how I felt. She told me that I was perfect for a long-term relationship, but she wanted a bit of fun after what she'd been through. Fair enough, I though.t We remain friends.
But recently she met an unextraordinary guy, who as far as I could tell, she immediately decided to go for (seriously, I overheard the conversation 5 minutes after he first appeared). Lately they seem to have been going steady, and posting about it on social networking sites.
We socialise in the same circles, but I haven't seen her in some time. I don't know what the protocol is, or on a more basic level, how to behave around her. You may be tempted to call it obsession, and you could well call it that, but I don't. It is more "unrequited love". I feel the compulsion to see her, and want her to be happy, but I can't stand to see her with him. Yes, there is some bitterness there, but more self pity, which I don't want to lead to depression.
How do I deal with the social interactions? How do I lessen the effect of negative emotions? How do I move on? Or should I wait?

Simply posting this has helped somewhat, but any advice, personal experience, etc. would help greatly. Thanks in advance for any posts.

This is called friendzone Level 90.

It sucks.

I am very well aware of the sucking of high level friendzonedness, which is why I waited so long to say something initially.

I think Boo's saying you waited too long before you said anything. Not to mention, this didn't happen to you once, but twice. Chances are if she falls out with the recent guy, she might turn to you again for comfort, and declaring your love for her again might just continue the cycle. Based on that, I can only see two choices:

1) Stick with her as a friend, but know that you might not be able to go any farther than that.
2) Completely cut off all contact with her

Personally, I'd go with the first, but it's up to you.

My exact thoughts, except i personally would go with number 2 option

i was in love with a guy when i was in school. he was a study partner. he didn't reciprocate. we kept studying together and after a while i fell out of love. we stayed friends.