what did I miss?

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Hi! I've been reading WP for a while now, but this is my first time posting. I need some advice.
A couple of months ago I ran into an old friend from school. We used to spend a lot of time together first year, talking and writing, and helping each other with projects. I liked him a lot back then, but he had a girlfriend. We haven't seen each other in a LONG time, so we met for drinks and talked for several hours. He told me that he was in the middle of breaking up with his girlfriend, and trying to find a place to live. I told him about my AS. (I was just diagnosed last year.) I had to explain what that meant, but he seemed accepting, and said that it made sense from what he remembered of me back at school. He walked me home and met my dog, and when I was talking about something, he surprised me by leaning in and kissing me. He said he'd really like to see me again. A few days later he sent me an email saying that he was finding that leaving his girlfriend was more painful than he'd imagined. I didn't respond. Two weeks ago he emailed, telling me he'd finally moved and would I like to go out for a St. Paddy's day drink? He asked me to choose the location, saying that he figured I'd be more comfortable in a familiar setting. Again, we spent the evening talking. He told me about his mother coming for a visit to 'check up on him' after his break-up, and that he's been seeing a therapist. I talked about quantum physics and Brian Cox. (my current obsessions) When we left the restaurant he gave me a hug and said good-bye.
A few days ago he sent me an email inviting me over for dinner at his place. He'll cook, bring my toothbrush. What? Can he really be expecting sex so soon? What did I miss? And the thought of spending the night in a strange place is making me really anxious. I like him, but this is going very fast, it seems. I'm worried that if I tell him about how overwhelming I find all of this he's going to think I'm just a lunatic. What should I do?

I'm a guy and I'm saying don't give in so soon (EVEN if you stay the night).
If he's the right guy for you he'll wait.
I waited for three years; we've been together for 18 years now.
I don't suggest you make him wait that long but definitely don't rush it.

I think (I hope) he was kidding about the toothbrush. Nevertheless, you can respond that you'd be delighted to come to his house for a home-cooked meal, and you can offer to bring something. But stand your ground, sexwise, don't be railroaded into too-soon sex.

Is there any possibility he meant "stay over, for non-sex snuggling"?

He is on the rebound,

I would highly suggest that you turn down the invite to his house, and suggest an alternative- a REAL DATE --- like a restaurant and movie, or similar. He is rushing things because he wants to jump into another relationship as a way of escaping the pain he feels from his recent break up.

If you are not comfortable with a casual sexual relationship, I would not got to his house. Even if he thinks he has good intentions, the fact is that a healthy relationship is not likely to happen when someone is this fresh out of a breakup. Rebound relationships almost never work. Go slow and be careful of your heart.

I don't know what he meant, mv. And my NT girlfriend said the same thing about him being on the rebound, bookworm773. But should I talk to him about my concerns? It seems completely illogical to me that he's ready to have sex with me, but it's too early to really [i]talk [/i]and be honest, but NTs have strange expectations....

Guys sometimes get over their previous girls by diving right into sex with other women. You are the other women in this case, so you should be cautious and give it a long time. If he still feels the same way a couple of months from now when he's healed from his breakup, then pursue a relationship.

I've just been on this earth long enough to know when a guy is up to a rebound encounter.

Thanks everyone, for your input! I've sent him an email saying I'd like to have dinner, but that staying over (and what that implies) is something we might plan to do in the future. Hm.

Maybe this is just the Aspie in me, but I at first assumed the comment about the toothbrush was because the food he was going to make was so bad you would want to brush your teeth immediately afterward.

Yeah, it sounds like his expectations are radically different from yours. In your position, I would feel very uncomfortable about going to his place for dinner. Do you think it might be possible for you to counter offer to have dinner at a restaurant? Obviously he might take this as a mild rejection, but frankly if he isn't willing to accommodate your needs, then you probably don't want to go much further with him.

LOL! Honestly, my first thought was 'mmm, he's making something garlicky!'

Well, ask him what his expectations for the evening are. Maybe that'll help clear things up. Like what he plans on doing and stuff. >.>

This I thought too but I also can't forget him leaning in to kiss you after he mentions breaking up with his girlfriend If you do go over don't drink too much, stay on your guard.

i imagined i was in your situation and my first instinct was to ask him: "why would i bring a toothbrush?"

i kill romance with questions like that, but i am never uncertain as to a person's intentions. i had a friend at my house once when i was younger and there was some chemistry but i didn't know where things were going. he asked if he could stay overnight and i said that i would grab a blanket for the couch. he said, "i thought i could sleep in your bed." and i asked, "why? there isn't much space." he blushed and said, "i thought maybe we were going to... i might be mistaken but i thought we could.... have sex."

so, that was the least sexy moment in the history of the universe, but at least i was completely aware of what was going on and i could respond accordingly.

my advice to you is to ASK HIM. be blunt, be open. ask what his intentions are for that night and then TELL HIM what you want. it will be awkward but 1000 times less uncomfortable than wondering over and over what he wants and getting stressed about it the whole evening you are on a date.

you might be surprised at his answer.

This is my problem. More than two months ago he kissed me once; two weeks ago he hugged me. I don't know what his intentions are. He did email me back today saying he doesn't want to make me anxious, so why don't we just plan on dinner and a drink? I guess I'll take curlyfry's advice and not drink too much. Erisad and hyperlexian, i'll ask him over dinner what his expectations are.

Okie dokie. Just remember to have fun too, mmkay?

Thanks for the reminder! Maybe now I can relax and do a bit of that.

No problem. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that too.