This ball of crap I call life

Post Reply New Topic

Hello to whoever may be bored enough to read this post.

I met this great girl, whom we will call T, about three months ago.
She was in a very serious long term relationship, and when he left her,
of course she was devastated to say the least. Instead of moving the hell
on with the steps of healing you would expect, she hung onto it, becoming
disturbingly attached, borderline stalker status.

She isolated herself from the world, having nothing but her incredible drawings to keep her company.
She tried everyday for two years to contact her ex, and he just blew her off.
That's where I come in, and at first, yeah I was thinking of how I could use her,
but something happened, and I could actually relate to this girl.

After all, if anyone can relate to being shunned and the coldness that grows, it would be me.
I invested 24/7 into this emotionally(something rare for me)
All I wanted to do was save her from the feelings that led me to hate the world.
Eventually I was able to revive her emotional well being. But, at what cost?

You see, I was so busy focused on her needs, that I failed to keep myself from falling for this girl.
I think it may be because I have never experienced openness from any other "normal" before.
She has told me things that her own mother doesn't even know, let alone her best friends.
She actually thinks I am cute! ( I didn't realize what that means)

Well I decided to face her with my interest directly.
And then back to reality I go....

No, I hope you don't like me in that way because even though you are my hero, I am not ready for a relationship.
I prefer construction and automechanic types, not the nerdy types who sit in an office.
She says she has no need for an "IQ type" because thats her job(wtf?)
(and here is the messed up part)
And I like guys who aren't afraid to hurt my feelings, and not be afraid of my reactions.
(Maybe I shouldn't over compensate against my AS?)
So I start being my normal a**hole self.
But still cautious not to make her drop me completely.

She calls me after work...
Hey there! Whats up?
Not much, you?
Picking up a girlfriend to hang out for a while.
Ok...

hour later - still on phone

She is calling me her sweetie and honey, and telling her friend all about me.
(because I am convenient, perhaps?)
Her friend is in a relationship, I'm guessing she wants to look desired?
She has an iphone, which gets super hot, and I told her I would call her later if she is still awake, *click*
(she works nights as a nurse)

I called but she is asleep now.

Should I just ignore this girl and act stand offish?
Any insight into why she may act this way?
She knows about AS, and thinks it's bs thanks to south park.

I am struggling to come to grips with the best way to overcome my inability to close the deal.

Don't act like an a***hole just because she likes that in a guy.

You did your job of helping the girl out, if she doesn't like you for being there for her then she doesn't deserve your love.

I am saying this more for your benefit then if the relationship could work.

If she likes being hurt by her feelings when why did you put all that effort in for nothing?

Sounds like it'd be a waste of time dude.

You can go for it if you want to but I can only see it not working.

Hope this helps even a little.

Not having the IQ type? Does she think she's that clever or something? The cheek to say that to you after you helped her out and calling you geeky tells me she isn't very considerate of your autism.

Thanks you kindly for your words.
I don't know if I should even talk to her anymore.
Man she seems like more of an idea to me than what she actually represents.
She seems incredibly inconsistent.

I get the feeling that to her I am simply a tool to be used only when needed.

This girl sounds like trouble.

But it's worth being honest with yourself and facing just how you ended up in this position yourself. Main reason being: unless you like this, you might not want to do it again in the future.

She's just using you as a convenient ego boost in my opinion

I know this sounds horribly cynical but from my observations of how it works for most people
(including those on the autistic spectrum as we can be just as shallow):-

In life there are hierarchies of how much 'value' is put on a person

The really attractive lively types are at the top and people on the autistic spectrum are mainly at the bottom although a good looking person with autism can be higher ranking but their lack of NT social skills will make them less appealing to the average NT - they will tend to get too fed up of the person not being social/flexible enough

Some people can jump out of their league and get closer to a 'higher ranker' by helping them out, providing emotional support etc as you have been doing but the person's interest in you is directly linked to how useful you have been to them, not necessarily on any attraction at all (I don't know, she may well fancy you as well but you get the gist)

It's human nature to aim for people higher up in the hierarchy as people tend to want to better themselves but if you do this you are outside of your own league and there are penalties to pay ie the person wont fancy you as much as someone in their own league and their interest will vary according to mood and how useful you are at any one time and of course if a higher ranker (in their mind) comes along you'll immediately lose your position/become less important to them.

It all depends on how much you value what this girl is giving you - if you prefer having any contact with her to no contact, carry on, but I wouldn't expect her to change and suddenly see you as the love of her life as in my opnion she's already categorised you as lower than her in the hierarchy - which is in no way an indication of your actual worth - it just means she is acting like a typical person who is in a higher league than others ie with arrogance, as she knows there will always be takers for what she has to offer

It's like stocks and shares - her stock is high so she has more power.

If you stopped being so attentive she might get more interested but by the same token she might just find someone else to take interest - she sounds that type.

I can't stand people like her who think they can click their fingers and have men come running but it's how life is - men will always be interested in women like this as they are seen as having high genetic value via their looks no matter how obnoxious their personalities are.

I wold not invest all my energies on this girl - seek out other girls/people to make friends with - the more people you have to talk to etc the less risk there will be of getting hurt if the girl acts flighty like this - you can just focus on another girl or friends instead.

I'm in a similar position myself - I see someone on a casual basis and I'm obsessed with him yet he gives me the bare minimum to keep me still interested - we're all suckers for a pretty face in my opinon and often put up with appalling behaviour just to be close to someone we fancy. Our genes make us do it.

South Park did comedy on AS? Must have missed that one... what episode hanjis?

If she likes the guy don't try to be a dick to her about it.