Would you do this?

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This question is mostly directed at the aspie males, I'm sure this can apply to aspie females as well.

Say your in your late 20s or older. You havent dated very much due to obvious reasons. Would you ever try to get a depressed, possibly suicidal, very naive aspie who's significantly younger then you fall for you? Your desperate for a significant other.

Edit: I am not trying to do this. I had it done to me as the younger naive aspie 4 years ago. And I wanted to get your opinions on the morality of this?

Honestly, no.
The only reason I say that is that as Aspies, we carry around enough baggage of our own and to become emotionally involved with someone who has the additional needs of support for depression and possible suicidal thinking, would be too much of a strain to start off a serious relationship.

Now if you wanted to know if it was OK for a friendship, that's different. You aren't wearing your heart on your sleeve then and would give you more time and space to work through issues without a romance mucking things up.

And once you work out everybody's issues then there will be a better chance of starting a stable intimate relationship

I think this is an important question for Aspies and NTs, both.

It's important to remember that there are different levels of depression... I would never tell anyone that they shouldn't date someone who sometimes gets depressed. It happens to everyone, and even deep depressions can sometimes be worked through.

If you're talking about someone who is suicidal, starting a romantic relationship can be more dangerous. The main reason for this is because the suicidal partner may (even unconsciously) look to their partner to "fix" them, or even save their life.

Unfortunately, I am speaking from experience... I dated someone who was bipolar (I know it's different) and was suicidal. I thank God he's ok now, but it got hairy and involved (I called police to his house and he wound up in treatment for a month). We're not together, I'm dating someone else now, but he still tries to get in touch with me and has a hard time letting go.

So, the short version is, depression can be workable. Suicidal, and you end up in a major codependent relationship, It's not good. You really don't want to become anyone's savior, no matter how lonely you feel.

No, for a couple of reasons.

First of all, I wouldn't feel right dating someone significantly younger than me. I would feel like I'm using her, because guys who date girls significantly younger than them have that reputation. The naivety - that's just major guilt waiting to happen. Plus, I'm usually attracted to girls 1-5 years older than me, not the other way around.

If she was depressed, it might be even more uncomfortable. I would love to be there for a girl and wouldn't dump her if she eventually got depressed. But I wouldn't get into it with a girl who is overly depressed. I could say the wrong thing, or something that could be taken the wrong way, and that would not only depress her, but also I would feel guilty about it myself for a while.

I'm only 18 though so I'm just going by where I am at now and what I plan on being like at that age.

This is kind of a trick question.

Of course, I wouldn't. I think this is rhetorically implied that such behavior is wrong.

At the same time, you assume the person to be desperate.

NO, I wouldn't actively try to find someone with those qualities, but if someone came to me and we did well together and that person wanted a relationship with me, I might. I would probably date just about anyone who actually wanted to date me, but I don't see myself actively pursuing anyone like that. On top of that, I am generally more attracted to people who are a few years older than me, but when I'm in my late twenties that might be different since people who are older than me then would be really old.

I have had a similar experience, though, but with younger people. I was the young person who got taken advantage of, and the significant other tried to kill me. I'm actually kind of tired of telling this story, though, so I don't think I'll go into anymore details.

Honestly, yes.

If she's above the legal age and there's minimal attraction, and if I am desperate enough to get some intimacy and sex, then yea...why not.

I mean hey, i am 30 and never had a gf or sex, would you blame me if I don't want to throw away a such free opportunity to live some experiences I never lived before? (regardless how bad might be, and it might turn out to be a good relationship too)

Why? just because I have to be an ideal moralist? f that, I am done with that.

It would be a tricky situation if I was attracted to a very vulnerable girl. The best option might be to help her get her life back on track. After it's back on track, it would be less manipulative to try for a relationship. But even this option has a creepy feeling about it, since it could carry the implication that I deserve a relationship out of gratitude.

I think the key point is that both parties ought to be equally vulnerable to each other. If someone told me that they were suicidal, I would want to reveal some dark thing about myself so that it's fair. Otherwise it's an unfair balance of power, where one person can pretend to be cool and confident and the other one can't.

As for the age issue, I think that would be an additional turn-off independent of her depressed state. I wouldn't want to go out with someone much younger than myself, even if I felt that we were emotional equals. It's just an awkward thing to get involved in.