Just something some of you may want to think about

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So I met G at an event about a month ago and he and I have been hanging out a couple of times a week since then.

G is a great guy but he has a problem regarding women that will be discussed in a more detailed manner soon.

Today we were doing some group sport(just an excuse for meeting up) and at the break he started talking about girls.

He has some sort of self steem issue(Im guessing) that makes him think that his life is meaningless unless he has a partner(any willing girl would do).
There were several people that knew him better than me and we all started teasing him about his dating approach(we tease each other a lot, Im teased plenty of times for different things and so is every other person in the group):
-For example he started saying this girl I met x years ago was incredibly beautiful. And one of us would jump in and say lets be specific G which girl isnt incredibly beautiful according to you(not saying that they arent but he uses the exact same words with every girl)
And we tried to help him see whats wrong with his approach.

Whats wrong with his approach?.
Its incredibly easy to see through it and nobody wants to be wanted just because they are the only person that will give someone else a chance.
The day I met him he was trying to sweet talk some girl, this girl was laughing at his approach most of the times because none of the things he was saying could be serious considering its extremely easy to see through his approach and I joined in just to tell her that she had a lot of tolerance because Id have asked him to get lost a while ago

Feel free to share your opinions/different experiences with this sort of issue and hopefully we can have a topic thats actually helpfull instead of a pointless online discussion

Generating small talk is key for building a friendship between two people.
I know this from my only real experience when you talk with people you haven't met before.

I have to agree with this. Wether or not him stopping just getting what he can and tries to get what he wants will achieve some sort of success with women is harder to determine. Im more willing to bet on no due to personal experience.

I used to belong to a young adult group, and one day I got what seemed like the most random call from one of the guys, asking me out. We had barely interacted, never flirted, and the whole thing felt .... odd. I tried asking him why he was asking ME and he couldn't answer. I turned him down.

Turns out he had gone through the women on the phone list for the group in alphabetic order and we had all turned him down.

Which made me realize what was missing, in addition to the fact that I wasn't attracted to him: nothing about it felt personal or special. He was clearly looking for a date, any date. it just seemed ... desperate. Him and I weren't even friends.

If you are going to be with someone you want to feel special, that there is something unique about you that makes them interested in you, in particular. People dream of that special, unique connection, not just of being the next one on the list.

What do you do when you have strong love/romantic feelings for a bunch of people, and you have no chance with any of them?

The easy/wrong thing to do would be to find problems with those people and all the good things about yourself. Hahaha!

Okay seriously,

I can only answer this from how I am now cos I wouldn't have been able to do this in the past. I just learn to stop feeling for them in that way. And if I can't I just distance myself entirely from that person.

I can't speak for you, but I did that as an avoidance mechanism. It can be a subconscious way of reconciling "I want a relationship" with an internal knowledge that you don't really think you are in the right space for one.

Yeah, wrong approach.

And yet ...

If a woman seems like she maybe has interest in me, sometimes (not all the time), there can happen an attraction that maybe didn't exist or didn't much exist previously. It might also be the case that some of my preferences were actually formed this way, stuff that just stuck ever afterwards.

(In theory) Almost any approach is better than not approaching someone and wondering how things would have been....
That being said this is just about one of the most unsuccessful approaches and maybe some of the members can learn why it doesnt work through this thread

@SabreToothBadger OP was looking for personal experiences/info on the subject, you provided your own personal experience and thats cool.

I get what you're saying, but some people might misinterpret you as encouraging standards that are too critical. Having no standards is pretty bad, but at the same time, you can't always have precisely exactly what you want. Never get anywhere if you're not at least a little open to possibilities.

I think you & your friends could be seen as very unsympathetic & even cruel by teasing that guy like that. I was like that when I was single & if I was teased like that by so-called "friends" I would get very upset. I really don't think there is anything wrong with that if he could meet a woman who's the same way.

As I said its done to every member on the group(I get teased about my irational fears/social anxiety whenever I do something irational because they know Im trying to work on this sort of thing and every other member is in a similar situation about something else that they do).
Its quite a common group dynamic around here and from my experience it works better than talking behind peoples back/avoiding the situation because you get a chance to work on your issues and how people see you.

Its our way of reminding each other what we need to work on, I guess.

Whats wrong is that the number of women that fit the criteria you mention is very slim and sticking to this would be a criteria thats too restrictive which is what those that know him better told him.

We are supportive of him when we need to(just last week I spent over half an hour translating a letter he wanted to write to a foreign girl because he wanted to make sure it was good and he needs to work on his English) and they support me when they see that something is upsetting me but we all try to help each other overcome our own issues.

If thats being unsympathetic then Id rather be around a group of unsympathetic people than around people that pretend everything is ok and then leave me because they can no longer put up with my issues.

spongy, i think i understand your group dynamic. my daughter and former husband and i are like that to some degree, like when i swear too much they tell me i have Tourette's. or they will tease me about having an "aspie moment". i do the same with them about their quirks. it's all done in a loving and friendly sort of manner, not in a mean way.

your friend sounds like he gets crushes really easily. i think that people can sense that and will be turned off is it is excessive. i remember reading that people could tell when they met someone at speed dating who was not picky enough. basically, a person can sense if a potential partner is interested in too many other people. it is not known how people sense it because they don't see the potential partner interacting with other individuals, but somehow they just KNOW.

i think it's a delicate balance between crushing on too many people and getting stuck on someone.