Three months ago....

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Three months ago, I lost my job..... The reason why I got that particular job in the first place, was because of this guy that was working there, I came in as a shopper and met him one day, in the spring of 2010. I admit to being a stalker, and applied to the company over and over until they hired me eventually. This guy, he was always a teeny bit friendly to me, and kind of nice, but didn't go out of his way to really be flirty as I would define it.
I know now that he's probably more aspie/hfa than I am, very closed off to people. I tried to love him and bring him with me to a place where love is real, but he would have none of it. Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had never met him, but.....the times when I was so high and so full of love for him were pretty deliriously awesome. Every time I hear that song "Secret" by Seal, it makes me cry over him. I need to get a spotless mind and erase everything that reminds me of ever knowing who he was. I tried praying over it, and it works a little, but the progress is very slow, very very slow.
I have learned never ever, no matter what, never write a love letter to somebody if you don't want to get your heart stomped on. How stupid could I be??? I thought I was being brave. I'm such an idiot. Now I'm a jobless idiot too.

"[Love] is the type of disease that spares neither the intelligent nor the idiotic." - Albert Camus

What Albert here forgot to mention in this quote is that love from an idiot is meaningful in it's own way. It isn't bad that you did that, Chimera, even if the results were bad. You tried to connect, and it failed, but that doesn't mean that there won't be other outlets to your plug willing to connect and establish electric currents. You might be mourning the last 2 years of your life or so, but don't. You learned something here, but what you learned ISN'T that you shouldn't try to connect. What you learned is that some people don't love you back even if you love them, if not anything else. But you can't stop trying because of the unknown.

Good luck.

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