This love poem makes me depressed?

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MonsterCrack
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03 Oct 2015, 12:26 pm

I wrote this several months ago about a childhood crush....


Shall I entrust you with my heart and key
As thine eyes do, promise, solace and warmth
Or will you let me down and let me be
As thy lips’ crease itself bring pleasure forth

Or shall I wait and wait with lover’s strength
Thy shining name bring forth a gushing stream
Your spark’ling name was life which grew in length
And stars lie outshined by lovely eyes that beamed

For I know I’d hold you in, rad’iant rose
Friend of early times who taught love to me
My sweet friend of whom I had rightly chose
Who I carry, in rad’iant sight, I see

I know you as my secret first, friend to bloom
You are a part of me in mem’ry room
How do I stop feeling depressed?



kraftiekortie
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03 Oct 2015, 12:29 pm

It's great that you've gotten the meter and rhyme thing pretty down pat.

I think a girl of poetic sensibility will like this.

Get to know the girl fairly well before you show it to her, though.



MonsterCrack
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03 Oct 2015, 12:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's great that you've gotten the meter and rhyme thing pretty down pat.

I think a girl of poetic sensibility will like this.

Get to know the girl fairly well before you show it to her, though.

I haven't seen or talked to the girl in YEARS! I moved away from Florida years ago!! ! How am I supposed to get to know her better?!



kraftiekortie
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03 Oct 2015, 12:36 pm

I don't mean HER.

Could you adapt this poem for another person?



MonsterCrack
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03 Oct 2015, 12:38 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't mean HER.

Could you adapt this poem for another person?

No because this poem is clearly describing my first love.... or maybe you're right, I don't know...