Inhibitions frustrating passion

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xero052
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26 Apr 2012, 2:38 pm

So I met a girl online at the end of last month. It really seemed like we hit it off, we talked for like 2hrs when we first met. I took her out for the second time, and we ended up back at her place. I know (in hindsight) she wanted me to make a move, but I just couldn't figure out how to transition into sexytime. I haven't been with someone in years, and never in a satisfying way since I was a teen. I eventually did make a move late in the evening, but it was after 4am and she had to be up, we did make out a little though. I texted her the next few days, but she slowly stopped responding, and by wednesday had stopped altogether. I didn't send her a lot of texts, and never more than one per reply... I called her a whole day after her last text response, got a voicemail, left message. I sent a 'miss hearing from you' text the following evening. I finally sent a 'well, looks like you've moved on' text that Sunday, which got no response.

I guess Im just confused, if she had decided to not date me couldn't she at least said so? I said I would call her the last time I saw her, and she seemed enthusiastic. I mean, we talked about going to see a show together that night. The whole thing seems weird. I don't get many opportunities like this, as I am picky and not exactly socially outgoing. I guess I don't want to take 'it's lost' for an answer. What do you all think?



Mack27
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26 Apr 2012, 3:19 pm

They don't usually say anything when they decide they're not interested anymore. I don't know why that is, but it's the way it is.

Maybe it's like a switch that clicks when you don't make a move even though in her mind she's screaming at you to without actually saying anything. I've reasoned out that it might be better to try and make a move as soon as there's any suspicion at all that she wants you too. I think they get much less upset at unwanted moves then they do the absence of wanted ones. A quick heartfelt apology for an attempted kiss when it's clear that's not what she wanted is readily accepted while an apology for not doing anything may not be.



Stargazer43
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26 Apr 2012, 5:49 pm

"No response" in my opinion is even worse than getting a "Not even if we were the last people on Earth" response...it always keeps you wondering. From my perspective though the ball's in her court now, if she wants to contact you she will, and if not she won't. And you never know, she may just be busy, or have other things on her mind....so my advice is to just wait and see if she ever gets back to you.



Last edited by Stargazer43 on 26 Apr 2012, 7:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

xero052
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26 Apr 2012, 7:54 pm

Yea, I figured, I am just really kicking myself. This sort of thing happens a lot, I get to the point where a NT person would just have instinct take over, only I don't have those instincts. I'm really good at moving through the NT world, but that's mostly because I'm able to observe other people and mimic them. I also read a lot of fiction, so I can emulate characteristics of characters I like. However, romantic situations are intensely private, and even fiction fails to truly present how they unfold, probably because a NT person operates on instinct and couldn't describe it even if they wanted to. So I'm left feeling like if I could just keep at it, maybe I could find a path forward where I could make my own kind of romance, much like I manage other NT feats like having friends and being (non romantically) enjoyable socially. Sure, these things take a lot of effort, but then again I'm able to exercise my analytical skills with great ease, and others must put forth effort. Doesn't mean that they can't be good analytical thinkers, so that doesn't mean that I can't have romance. I just need to figure out a way to manage it with what abilities i have. Any advice people may have on 'shortcuts' ie stock phrases that are good to transition to intimacy with, or clear telltale signs that she sends when she wants to. Or really anything that would help get over what seems to be a 'last gap' for me



DogsWithoutHorses
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27 Apr 2012, 2:47 am

If you're already hot and heavy, making out etc. "Do you have a condom", or "I have a condom" is a decent option. It's kind of like asking so she has a chance to say "no thanks" and it shows you are concerned for her well being, guys being unwilling to wrap it up is a huge turn-off

this particular woman seems like she's done. If she is still interested and for some reason has been prevented from getting back to you she'll contact you. You've already made your interest known so there is no reason to contact her again unless she initiates.

Sometimes women 'fade away' instead of outright reject for safety concerns. I have weathered some hateful verbal abuse, threats, stalking and physical assault from rejected guys and to be careful in that situation is unfortunately a lesson a lot of women learn early and often.


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