Need advice

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Hi again guys, it's good to be back. (Even thou most of the ones I knew probably are gone at this point.)

As none of you knows, I've managed to put myself into probably the most complicated love situation since... well ever for me, and I could sure use some fresh prespective on this.

The situation is the following:
I might have messed up. (Wow, this took about three A4 papers in my head, I'm a rephrasing genious. ^^)

Background:
I have known this girl for a long time, about seven years in total, she's had some rough patches in life even by our standards, but she's managed to pull throu and emerged stronger from it, she's the daughter of my best friend (this alone is complicated enough) and they have had their fair share of controvesity between them.
In this time I've known them I've been well aware of what's going on in their lives since both have turned to me to vent and get advice (Aspie trait #3, ventilation system. ^^), and we have all spoken very open and honestly to each other, something I've truely appriciated, and she (the girl I like) has always been very amused by my rejection of physical closeness, so she's spent most of the time she's been around me trying to find ways to have physical contact with me and doging my smacks for her doing it. After a few years I started to enjoying having her cuddle up against me in her weird way, but since I could only take it for short moments and I knew she enjoyed our little play, I kept trying to dodge her, so it went on untill she'd finaly managed to nag her way throu my defences, but after some consideration of her age and her current situation in life I decided that it would not be right to persue my feelings for her (plus I thought she viewd me as more of a big brother), so I basicly put my emotions on hold and thought nothing more of it. This changed recently when she and I had a very confusing conversation in which I took the plunge and told her that she fitts my girlfriend-criterias and she fessed up and said she wanted to try, so we did. It was without a doubt the happiest week of my life, and very important for my personal development aswell. Sadly it wasn't the right time for her to be dating me, so we parted as friends with a promise to pick it up later when the times where better.

Disclaimer:
I would like to state for the record that this look back is my memories of it only, any conclusions I draw in the text previously and forward are equal to the conclusions I drew at the time and these might have changed as time went on, these are listed in their chronicle order.

Adorable little story isn't it? Should be set up for a happy ending (or atleast another week or two). But ohh no, nothing is ever easy, is it? Just beacuse everything is set up just right and you have a long and solid history of trust and good friendship doesn't mean that things will turn out the way we want, we are aspies after all. -.-'
To make this pain go away faster I'll take the short version, after we agreed we should only be friends she did something that confused the hell out of me (no, I'm not going to be more specific) and when I had a reaction to that, even thou I tried to cut it off, I didn't really know how to handle the situation in any other way so I just did the best I could.
Sadly this set the scene for the first of my major setbacks in this story, we'd been sending each other cute little youtube vids with songs, and I sent her one without really thinking about what the text said, she got annoyed at it and said I shouldn't send her stuff like that since it violated our friendship agreement. I replyed honestly as always and said that there where no such intentions from my side and that I merely wanted to share a song I liked, but I don't think she belived me.
This went back and fourth a few times and I started getting the impression she was trying to "hint me off" most likley because she'd found someone she liked better, in my world this should not have been difficult.
If there's anything I dislike more than that way of breaking contract with someone (I guess I'm not alone in that regard in here) it's the people who uses it, so I got somewhat angry at her and cut back severely on contact. After a week or two I resumed contact with her to see if my inital conclusion was correct, and I don't remeber exactly what happened, but apparently whatever it was was a test that I failed, at this point I was very certain she was toying with me and took some time off to execute my own test to once and for all determain if this was the case.
Strangely she passed my test with flying colours, something I didn't even thought possible, but it really creeped her out (I might have to redevice that test) and sent our relation back another nodge towards an ice age.

I have to admit to my great shame that at this point I was so stuck in my defence pattern that I got blind and caused the last temperature drop and Snowball Earth was inevitable. I noticed that her PM on a chat was very strange, in one way it could be very happy, in another it could be very sad, so I unblocked her and asked which one it was to get the response "You obviously have no clue how it's like to always having to find out things for yourself". Which I instantly (and I'm still ashamed of it) translated into "You don't understand anything", which has always been synonomus to "Piss off. Fast." I replyed "I guess that's one way to view it." and took my leave.

(Can you imagine we're not even at the really complicated part yet? )

I have to admit I was really hurt by that... I won't call it conversation, but quick exchange of words, considering our extended history of sharing problems and helping each others, so I blocked her and deleted her contact info. But for some reason this last thing tugged into my head like a tick and I couldn't help going over it again and again during the months, untill it came to me not too long ago that if I applyed the personal translations pattern I have for her (instead of the one generaly used on people), her last sentence was "Please help me, I feel lonely". And I can tell you that knowing you walked out on the most important person in your life with a snyde remark when they ask for help = feeling like a huge pile of s**t, in a surprisingly large number of ways.

I really owe her an appologie, so I began waiting for us to run into each other, this would be inevitable at some point, so I took it with ease since things wouldn't get any worse than it already where, but when I started looking I noticed that she was intentionaly avoiding me, it didn't bothered me much thou since I was still sertain that in time I'd meet her again.

But things never stays simple do they? Last week something happened that forced my hand in a way that nothing els can, my grandfather collapsed on the floor in his kitchen while making lunch, fortunetly I was there and could catch him before he went down, but he's 90 and collapsing with muscle spasms are not a good sign at any age. So when I was checking his vitals and making the very unconfortable desicion that only if there was a moderate condition I'd call for help, otherwise I'd grant him to let him die in his home with me present, or recover and seek whatever help he sees fit, I realised that he is one of the few people I acctually cares if she meets, and this little event put a very real time table that can't be ignored. This was utterly reinforced when they whole thing repeated itself less than 10 min later. (He's fine btw.)

Here's the really tricky part. When I took a dumpster dive in my PC I uncovered her contact info and added her again she responded, not harty (or even positive) but atleast she seems open to one last attempt for communication. This is the biggie... What the hell do I do?

I have admited I probably misunderstod her, and that I'm sorry about that to which she replyed "I'm sure you did, now could you stop writing so I don't have to block you?". And I have no clue what I'm supposed to do next, nor what she expects/hopes I'll do.

The only thing I'm sure of that the girl that I consider the most important person in my life ever (not easy competition she has there, another girl saved my life), has agreed to let me speak as long as I don't talk.
I don't think she knows I'm an aspie, nor if she's ever even heard of it, but I know her mother (my friend) knows, but I can't really ask her to speak for me since she didn't react very well to the fact me and her daughter liked eachother from the get go and we have no mutual friends that can explain things for her either.

I'm stuck in catch 22 and worse is that I've never even told her how much she really means to me, for all she knows I might just be toying with her.

Now I have to go and hug my dog a bit more.

Aw geez, this is an Aspie trait too? Can't there be anything left that's just mine and mine alone as a unique individual?




Hrrm, you were far too vague with some of the specifics to really say.

Cant you just e-mail her and ask her "what was that pm about? Whats going on with you?"

Basically you have feelings for her. And you dont know whether she wants resume with you or not.

If she felt the same way as you-then what?

You have to decide which problems youd rather have- the problems of being romantically involved with your best friends daughter, or the problems of not doing that ( which would mean never speaking to your best friends daughter again if she feels the same way).

No, I know for a fact that as the situation is right now she won't want to get together again, that's what I need to change, but I don't know how.


Sadly it's not that simple either, I know now what it was about and no, she does not respond to texts or e-mails, I've tried both.
The second desicion is easy, point is that I don't really care if we hook up or not, I'd settle for her and me being friends, my problem is bypassing her defences so I accually can talk to her.


That's my real problem that I have no clue how to get passed. I fit was as easy as e-mailing her, do you think I'd be asking for help?

I do realise it was a long post, but seriously guys, if you don't read, then don't reply and if you're having difficulty understanding what the porblem is, ask so I can explain. (Sorry if I'm comming across as rude, but I have barely slept in two weeks and my brain is not at peek preformance.)

You seem to have two problems with your potential GF.

1. She seems to have misinterpreted some of your actions and words.

2. She is under the delusion that you can read her mind, and should therefore not need to have things explained to you.

These two problems are very common among women. I am a woman myself and have noticed this happening a lot, in things I've read, watched on TV, and dealt with myself. Although I am sometimes guilty of misinterpreting other people, I never make the other mistake--of thinking people can read my mind, but so many women do make this mistake. They often give subtle hints of what they want or are feeling, but all too often those the subtle hints are aimed at either don't realize the woman is hinting at them, or don't understand just what the hint means. And then the woman has the nerve to get mad that the person they were hinting to didn't understand the hint.

I am not a mind reader. Fellow ladies, if you want someone to understand what you are trying to say, then say it, don't hint it.

My mother cracked me up once. She came to me and asked me if there was anything on TV that night that my uncle--her brother--might be watching that night. He lived in another state, and I had no knowledge of his TV preferences, so I naturally told my mother to call him and ask him. It turns out that she had wanted to call him, but hadn't wanted to call while he might be watching TV. So, this is proof that I can't read minds, but also that my mother thought I could.

Well, she's fairly right about that, I can usually tell what she' thinking, (and like to demonstrate it) but throu text... That's near impossible unless I have a few days to decode.


Or have agreed upon signals for it. ^^


Thanks, that cheered me up. ^^

What sort of time frame is this set over ??

Sounds like you're smothering her which is never cool.
And after said things you should never think that you'll be able to go jump straight back into dating, especially after your"major setbacks".

Work on the getting a the friendship back then take it from there.. Time is the best healer and all that

He said he has known her "seven years".

Sorry I didn't make it very clear, I meant from the first of the "major setbacks" to how it is now.