I think I'm done

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I think I just broke off my relationship with the only person I've ever loved.

I just do not think I can face romantic entanglement any more. I have been in this relationship for almost two years and while this may sound really cowardly... it is just too difficult. I am beginning to feel very drained by what seems like the political nature of being part of a couple. You know, my decisions belonging in part to someone else; having to be so careful about the way I speak and behave; just having to think about someone else all the time. It is really difficult for me to deal with his need for comfort when he is in a bad mood, and he says I am never there for him when he needs me even though he tries to help me when I am very upset.

I do not know if he is right or not. I don't know anything anymore. I just feel the need to be back on my own, and I do not know when, if ever, I will be ready to enter a relationship again. Prior to meeting Mark I did not think I could feel "love." Now that I have felt it, I don't know if I can feel it for someone else, or if I ever want to. I don't know if I want someone to have that sway over me again.

This is a sad and confusing day. I'm going to go have a bottle of wine and lose myself in special interests.

I can relate. Despite loneliness, I'm feeling more and more like it's just impossible to find anyone that I don't have to actively fight against just to make things work. People talk about "the game" or acting in specific ways or deliberate ways of thinking, about changing yourself to fit a certain type. If I can't feel completely natural, I doubt it would be much better than feeling as lonely as I do now. Why would I want to be with someone who I would have to lie to all the time?

My heart goes out to you.

I am in the same boat....

I am already wayyyy happier though, it was the other way around for us though.

I wanted a connection, and I was just in his way.

He only wanted his video games and weed..... and I dare want to watch a movie, or have companionship, and I was then an inconvienience....

Life seems so cruel sometimes, but you will probly feel way better in a few days.

It comes in waves, the grieving part, but in between there is a sparkle of life and happiness that wasn't there when I felt like such a burdon to someone..