The Hell I Have Gone Through

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My parents divorced when I was 3 or 4, I lost a girlfriend the day before hers and my 2 month anniversary because she didn't know if she loved me anymore, lost my maternal grandparents two months apart after I turned 16, got diagnosed for a dreaded disease called Asperger's Syndrome when I was a preteen, have neurofibromatosis which causes me to be short, have failed to find love when all my other friends have, can't even remember to do my own chores and/or homework because of my loneliness, and to make matters worse, I am an only child. So, there are a lot of things that people don't know what I have been through. I just don't know what to do anymore. After my grandparents died, I failed a class for the first time in my life. I still graduated the year after I failed that class in high school, but I just don't know what to do. I saw so many of my friends who are still in high schools prom pictures and I said that if I don't get a girlfriend by the time my high school alma mater's prom comes, I am joining the Marine Corps. My mom doesn't want me to. I am 5'2" and weigh only 105 pounds. She says I will get killed in boot camp doing things that will make my heart explode. I have made up my mind. Since no one wants to date me, I am going to join the Marines whether my mom wants me to or not. I am sick and fed up with being single. I am just unable to think of what to do next.

You shouldn't join the military just because you couldn't find a girlfriend. It's not a positive reason to join, and you'll end up stuck not being able to leave until your term is up should you decide it's not what you want to do.

Focus on getting good grades through the end of school, going to trade school/college as appropriate, and getting a fulfilling job and once you've done all of that you'll either have a girlfriend or be in a better position to get one.
If you really wish to serve in our armed forces, that's an honorable way to move forward in life, but only try that if it's a choice you would have made if you didn't have problems in your love life.

Have a back-up plan, even if uniformed service is what you want to do, because NF may disqualify you from serving.

Oh please, don't do this, don't join the army. Loneliness is heartbreaking indeed and you've been through a lot of pain. But you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. If the only reason to get drafted is because you don't have a girlfriend, you will hate it. Please don't deny yourself the chance to meet a girlfriend in college or at a job. Your loneliness will get even worse in the Marine corps.

When you look at your friends, keep in mind that most of them will not get to marry their current partner later in life. Relationships are fleeting at this age, they don't last long. And you have plenty of time to find a good partner for yourself in the years to come.

But, for the moment, you really need to sort through this huge pain in your life and grieve for your losses, for there have been many. Have you ever tried psychological counselling or psychotherapy for it? Psychotherapy helped me really get over the death of my mother and all my pain. I might be single now, but now I'm able to see life as worth living again, due to therapy...

Well then, why have I gone through all this hell? I am sick and tired of being single and if i have to go through one more rejection, I am moving away from my hometown permanently and will refuse to contact any of the people in my hometown ever again.

This is a better idea than joining the military. Just I wouldn't reccoment doing it do extreme. There could be benefit to goin somewhere new but don't forget everybody else. I wish I could gaurentee you find somebody for you but I can't, I will say its possable so don't give up.

You've gone through all of this hell because you've got some underlying problems that you need to work on.
If you change towns but don't change you, then you'll have the same problems, but brand new scenery for the same problems.
If you can get counseling or psychotherapy, etc for your social problems and/or mental health challenges, you've got a chance that you can reverse your fortunes without leaving town.

You've gone through all of this hell because you've got some underlying problems that you need to work on.
If you change towns but don't change you, then you'll have the same problems, but brand new scenery for the same problems.
If you can get counseling or psychotherapy, etc for your social problems and/or mental health challenges, you've got a chance that you can reverse your fortunes without leaving town.

Tommy, I just can't go through any more because all my friends (male and female) have a significant other now or the girl is not interested in me. I am about to just give up altogether. I need someone now. If I don't move, then I will be stuck with the same shallow girls the rest of my life

Tommy, I just can't go through any more because all my friends (male and female) have a significant other now or the girl is not interested in me. I am about to just give up altogether. I need someone now. If I don't move, then I will be stuck with the same shallow girls the rest of my life

I did not even date until I was 20 my friend. And while still not overwhelmingly successful at romance, I did end up dating one of the prettiest girls in my city for over three years. Plus a couple of others that were decent looking, too.
All the while still on this spectrum..
One thing I can say, if you think you are in Hell now, wait until you move & know not a soul! You will find out how severe having an ASD can be! IME here, sadly.

Sincerely,
Matthew

My parents divorced too. I also lost both grandparents on my father's side and am about to lose my maternal grandfather. I got diagnosed with AS. I'm kind of goofy looking. I am also an only child, although I have two half-siblings. I also feel lonely every now and again. My high school GPA was crap. Something in the 1.0 - 2.0 range. I also attempted suicide 3 times. Two of them were fake and were meant to get attention. One was real, and it left me crying in a corner for what felt like days.

I also did what you are doing now: blame absolutely everything but myself for everything bad in my life. Grades fell? The school is a prison! Got no girlfriend? They don't appreciate me! Blap yap flap blap

My childhood sucked, but a lot of that was my fault. I moved in with my father who I have not seen in many years. My mother finally decided that she could not figure out what to do with me. He actually threw away all of my meds so I would go cold turkey (he believed they were poisoning my mind). He was willing to pull me aside and tell me exactly what was wrong with me. I remember how much that sucked. I did not want to hear that I was undisciplined, narcissistic, entitled, spoiled or insecure. After learning some humility, I am now doing much better (clicky). Like, 3.93 GPA better. Picture in the paper next to Fred Haise as a tech leader better (clicky).

Let's rewind a bit

Just six years ago, I would have blamed you for my failings. I would have insulted you for having an opinion. I would rain gloom and doom on you for simply being happy, because it was easier to hurt you than deal with the fact that I was horrible to others. If you tried to help me, you would have only nurtured my expectation to never deal with any problems myself. Oh yeah, and I weighed 285 pounds and took seven pills a day to suppress supposed emotional imbalances that could have been addressed by growing up.

If I was a girl, would you date me?

If you really believe the stuff you are typing, your self-confidence is in the toilet. You have yet to understand just how much say you have in how you feel about life. I would advise you find someone who knows you deeply, and you respect greatly. This person has to be willing to tell you things you don't like out of love. This person could be a teacher, a coach or a friend. Don't know one? Get out more.

Ask him for an opinion about you. Tell him not to pull any punches, and get ready to feel the worst temptation to argue in your life. Whatever you do, DO NOT ARGUE. LISTEN. FOR GOD'S SAKE, LISTEN.
Believe me, whatever this person says would be easier to digest than the words of a drill sergeant who does not give a rat's ass about you.

This is not about you not finding a girl you are somehow owed. This is about you not knowing humility.

If you just move to a different town far away to avoid shallow women, you're probably going to wind up in a new town with just as many shallow women.

You want to be socially successful?
Get a therapist. Work on making your headspace happy, productive, and able to communicate with others.

If you increase your earning potential, you'll have more options, be able to live where you like, pursue the hobbies you like, and have more control over who you meet.
One way to do that is to go to a trade school, community college or university.
Additionally, you'll have the opportunity to meet a group of men and women who are (mostly) not the kids you are in school with right now.
Make friends in school, write down phone numbers, call your friends after college and stay in touch, hang out every few weeks or couple of months. You can have a ton of friends if you do that.
Get your mind right, though. Get started figuring out your emotions.
Think positive thoughts and work on making your future self happy and productive. Even if you don't feel positive right now, do thinks that will make you productive, and do the thinks you WOULD do if you were happy. Smile enough, and happiness will show up occasionally.

Think you'll never find a girl?
NEVER ACT LIKE YOU WON'T FIND ONE OR YOU WON'T FIND ONE.
There's a girl who is a good fit for you.

I was depressed and friendless for years. I decided to stop being depressed and focused on getting ahead in life and getting through college and establishing a profession. It worked. Now I have a partner that I love, who "gets" me, plans for marriage and a house, and a career and job that give me enough income that I don't really have to worry about money unless I want to.

This game is all about the brain, the mind and the soul. Unless you want to lose the game, you need to work on getting that right.