Thank god for work

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My work is all I've got to keep me sane. Thank god for it and my hobbies, because otherwise I'd have blown my head off from loneliness already. As is I'm dreading another weekend alone. No woman to spend it with, and it's beautiful out.

Someday though, I'll have made a really beautiful work of art, and people will see it, and see me for who I am, and someone will love me for it.

Your statement does not make sense. An artist, producing work wants to have time alone to produce that work, yet you say you want to hang out with a girl so you will not go insane. These two events are diametrically opposed. You do not "date" to make art. No wonder "someday" is your due date for producing this work of art. I'm a producing artist, and have been a full time artist, and there is not much time (or money) for dating. You have to choose one or the other, or have a "friend" who does not mind reading quietly in the corner while you work.

Otherwise, I grasp what you are saying. Life can be unfair. I wish you luck with either one or two of these "wishes."

Not opposed at all. I make art so that I might reach people, and they might see who I am. Because all my life I've been judged by how I look or act outwardly, and no one bothered to know the real me. I'm a filmmaker, and I discovered when I made these cute little films, that people laughed, they liked them, they liked ME. Suddenly I was approachable, I was somebody. I could connect.

I've struggled to recapture that, because my more recent films have been failures in this regard. People didn't see them, and they didn't get into festivals. They failed to connect, and so I despised my work, and despised myself for failing. But I keep it, for one day making a really great film, on par with The Civil War, or The Thin Blue Line, that people will adore, and people will love me for.

Something about this statement "work...that people will adore, that people will love me for" disturbs me. For instance, take the great composers (Beethoven, Brahms, Tchaikovsky, etc). Their works are loved and admired today but I can assure you seeking to be adored and loved was not the impetus for their creations. They simply knew they had something to say which, at times, pushed the boundaries. This satisfied them in the end. The same can be said about artists. I highly doubt DaVinci was thinking, "Oh boy, they'll love and adore me once they see this Mona Lisa!" He himself never married. He could care less. He created art because it was in him to do it, come hell or high water. Of course, a certain percentage of your creation requires some commercial appeal (to pay the rent, etc) but it shouln't depend on adoration. People will see through that right away, how it lacks depth, and rightfully ignore it.

Start directing porn. Seriously.