I dunno. I mean, speaking as a male who is quickly approaching middle age... An older aspie guy can probably bag a much younger NT girl since he'd have the maturity factor working in his favor. It certainly puts you in a more dominant position since you'd be seen more as an "authority figure" type rather than an equal match. Someone your own age will expect you to be into the same kinds of things she is. If you are awkward around her, she'll end up becoming the dominant in the relationship; but when you try to reassert yourself as an equal, she'll just get her feelings hurt and think you're a jerk...and then what'll you do?
Or you could go for much older women, and you'd be a boy-toy--which, had my circumstances been different, I might find appealing for myself. But I'd think you'd have to really be dedicated to go cougar hunting.
People closer to your own age--that's tough. My wife is just over a year younger than I, so I consider myself lucky. While doing grad studies I snagged a cute little inexperienced freshman girl. It was fun, but the feeling I always had in the relationship was that I was more a mentor type than a co-equal in the relationship. I don't MIND having that role, and having all the control in the more romantic or sexual aspects of the relationship is enjoyable. And those relationship can certainly work out and probably often do. But I feel that tighter-knit relationships do put both partners on the same level. It's inappropriate for a mature person to sink to the level of an inexperienced person, and it's unreasonable to expect a naïve person to act and think like a grownup.
If you want to "make" someone fall for you, keep a good 10 year age margin (within the law, of course. I'd prefer at my age NOT to be with someone less than 20, or 14-15 years difference. Corrupting the young no longer carries the same appeal that it used to. It might have a little bit to do with the fact that every time I see a college-age girl, I picture my daughter in 15 years). If you're looking for something that could turn into marriage and family, DEFINITELY don't go the older route. If you are capable of being the sole breadwinner, all the better for having children with someone younger since younger adults will generally be more energetic when it comes to caring for children. Contrast that with my wife and myself--we had our first gray hairs before having our first child, but that does at least put us in our late 20s. 23-25 is a good age to start a family, and the pleasantness of making babies drops off very shortly after that. Sure, the lovemaking is great...but then you have diapers and potty training. Blech...
I realize this is about just dating, but it's helpful to look at the big picture, about where you ultimately want this to go. I for one would not want to be with someone I wouldn't want to be with long-term. These are the kinds of the things that are in the backs of everyone's minds and useful to consider. Girls like guys who have goals.
19 May 2012, 12:46 pm
