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CuriousNotion
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24 May 2012, 2:03 pm

Currently having 8 weeks of placement and then a free summer. I am attempting to do as much as I can this summer to make myself more appealing to women. That means working out , confidence building and generally just trying to be fun to be around while still being appealing to women socially. I generally do care about people but Im not to sure if that side of me shows well . The major problems are I usually stumble back into the same routine, I have 7 hours work a day and the most defining point, A mild form of aspergers . The knowledge of having it makes me more nervous around women. Any advise from anyone here to help me?



JanuaryMan
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24 May 2012, 2:13 pm

I am a mild Asperger's case, too, Amigo :)

My advice is if you are close enough to where you work, jog there and change at work and shower there. If not, go for a run before work and shower at home.

Also, if you can't fit exercise into your daily routine, change your eating habits. I have changed my eating habits and without exercising I lost like 16-18lbs in under a month. Also, look after your hygiene daily. If you can't remember to (I sometimes have this problem) set an alarm on your phone for every thing you need to do and also have family remind you.

Overall, the improvements in your body will boost your confidence. It has for me. I couldn't make sex jokes or stuff like that and now I can at least interact with those sort of conversations (even though I don't like to).

Also do people watching in social environments (like go to pubs and bars with your friends). But listen more than anything, and avoid the aspie stare as they call it.



CuriousNotion
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24 May 2012, 2:21 pm

Thanks January man.

Yeah I forgot to mention Im 73kg and 190cms so Im rather thin. Im thinking of gaining muscle, so that might mean gain weight . 16-18lbs ! thats really good. Well done ! :D

Oh god the dreaded sex jokes . I cannot do those so I wont try . Listening and avoiding the aspie stare.. I'll make a note of that! thanks :)



JanuaryMan
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24 May 2012, 2:26 pm

Yeah if you aren't veggy or vegan just eat more protein based food like meat (make sure it isn't fast food else there will be lots of other crap in it) and then exercise later in the day. it's a little vague but works.



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24 May 2012, 4:33 pm

It's kinda funny how many times I read posts where basically it's all about "how to get a girlfriend." Why is that? Are women these special unattainable beings that you have to have money, looks and prestige to get? My opinion (not that anyone's asking) is that single women are asking the same questions: "How do I go about getting this or that guy? Should I work out in a gym? Jog 5 miles every day? Change my lipstick? Invest in botox?

And then I realize this - it's not that people have difficulty landing the perfect mate; they have difficulty landing the perfect mate that looks like a male model or super model. People set their goals so high! That's definitely got to lead to a life of loneliness and isolation. I want to blame the media. I want to blame movies, music and TV as being negative influences. I think plain Janes, males or females, are absolutely perfect to date. And they're not unattainable because their numbers are overwhelmingly high. :cheers:



JanuaryMan
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24 May 2012, 5:45 pm

There's also a case where both genders would happily accept much less than footballers or supermodels, robin, but they succumb to peer pressure to try to obtain what is (for them at least) the near impossible. It is pretty much what cripples most peoples' chances on dating sites.

Quite frankly, being less picky is the way to go. It's not settling, it's just being realistic.



edgewaters
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24 May 2012, 6:08 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
There's also a case where both genders would happily accept much less than footballers or supermodels, robin, but they succumb to peer pressure to try to obtain what is (for them at least) the near impossible. It is pretty much what cripples most peoples' chances on dating sites.

Quite frankly, being less picky is the way to go. It's not settling, it's just being realistic.


It's definately a question of being realistic - you've got to be compatible. I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a supermodel or anyone of that sort. Flat out of the question. It just couldn't work. I doubt I could relate to them at all, and vice-versa. There'd be all kinds of self-esteem and codependance problems too, I would think. It kind of sounds like a nightmare, all things considered. So it's not a matter of reducing expectations or being less picky at all, it's actually having higher expectations and being more picky when you narrow your focus to the people you're most realistically likely to be compatible with and relate to.



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24 May 2012, 8:22 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
It's kinda funny how many times I read posts where basically it's all about "how to get a girlfriend." Why is that? Are women these special unattainable beings that you have to have money, looks and prestige to get? My opinion (not that anyone's asking) is that single women are asking the same questions: "How do I go about getting this or that guy? Should I work out in a gym? Jog 5 miles every day? Change my lipstick? Invest in botox?

And then I realize this - it's not that people have difficulty landing the perfect mate; they have difficulty landing the perfect mate that looks like a male model or super model. People set their goals so high! That's definitely got to lead to a life of loneliness and isolation. I want to blame the media. I want to blame movies, music and TV as being negative influences. I think plain Janes, males or females, are absolutely perfect to date. And they're not unattainable because their numbers are overwhelmingly high. :cheers:


Sounds like settling to me. There are no standards that are too high and nobody should be forced to lower them.


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Apple_in_my_Eye
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24 May 2012, 8:50 pm

I haven't had the impression that the problem is people having impossibly high standards. Rather, it sounds like even if the person lowered their standards to zero they'd still get nowhere (maybe not the OP of this thread in particular, IDK). So, they try to work on various areas that they can to try to make up for the areas that are problematic, with the hope of competing on a similar level as most others. Self-improvement doesn't seem like a bad thing.

It would be nice if every person's desires met up with at least one other person's self, but that isn't how that works. You're probably right about the media. We have the top 0.1% of the population's most beautiful and charming people shoved in our faces in every movie and TV show. But, unfortunately, knowing that doesn't change anything. You can't change other people's desires. I.e. thousands of screaming teenaged girls at the airport lusting after 4 guys (The Beatles).

For those who can truly be themselves and attain relationships I guess it could seem weird that anyone couldn't pull it off unless they had some weird notions in their head.



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24 May 2012, 9:13 pm

edgewaters wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
There's also a case where both genders would happily accept much less than footballers or supermodels, robin, but they succumb to peer pressure to try to obtain what is (for them at least) the near impossible. It is pretty much what cripples most peoples' chances on dating sites.

Quite frankly, being less picky is the way to go. It's not settling, it's just being realistic.


It's definately a question of being realistic - you've got to be compatible. I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a supermodel or anyone of that sort. Flat out of the question. It just couldn't work. I doubt I could relate to them at all, and vice-versa. There'd be all kinds of self-esteem and codependance problems too, I would think. It kind of sounds like a nightmare, all things considered. So it's not a matter of reducing expectations or being less picky at all, it's actually having higher expectations and being more picky when you narrow your focus to the people you're most realistically likely to be compatible with and relate to.


I'm a little worried I'm agreeing with one person too much today but ^this is very good.
People let outside factors influence who they're attracted to, or who they give a chance and they miss out on genuine compatibility in favor of what is superficially "acceptable"to a society that privileges thinness, whiteness, class, and income.


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25 May 2012, 12:47 pm

Watch your posture. Try not to seem rude. This I have trouble with because I don't recognize people looking at me to return a look, smile or gesture. Then it's too late.



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25 May 2012, 8:23 pm

For me confidence was the major difference between getting nowhere and somewhere with girls.
Its the confidence to be yourself that matters, nobody wants to date an actor and then figure out its a different person later.

And about the workout, if you want to gain muscle, eat protein and do strength exercises, push-ups and sit-ups are a great start. make it simple, that makes it easier to get done :) and remember it takes time!


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