I'm really confused
So last night I was at a chess club with some friends, and one of them- we will call him John- was talking to our mutual friend- we will call her Nicole- over the phone. Nicole was at an all girls sleepover sort of thing with a few other girls. Nicole has known for a long time now that when you have a science question, I'm the go-to guy. One of Nicole's friends- we will call her Sarah- had a science question. The connection really sucked, and neither of us could understand each other, so Sarah gave the phone to Nicole and I gave the phone to John. We communicated as follows: Sarah asks Nicole a question, who relays it to John, who relays it to me. Then I give my answer to John, who relays it to Nicole, who relays it to Sarah. She asked me a question related to psychology, which I answered. Then- and I have no idea how this topic came up, but I think I somehow brought it up- she asked me to explain string theory. I asked her if she had a solid understanding of general relativity and quantum mechanics, and she said no, so I told her I couldn't even begin to explain string theory unless she understood GR and QM. Then Sarah asked if I had any questions for her (Why would I have questions for her when I'm the scientific consultant in this case? They're supposed to be asking me questions). I did ask why she carries a knife on her person (Which is one of the few things I have heard about Sarah, though I've never met her personally), and she said because she's paranoid. I told her to look into paranoid personality disorder, as she might have it. She asked if there was anything I wanted to know about her, and that question sort of caught me off guard, because I thought we were talking about science. Before I could answer, John, who seems to know more about these sorts of things than I do, asked if she was trying to get me to ask her out, which seemed to come completely out of the blue, because I don't even know this person. Then she said that she was, "interested in me."
Tonight Sarah is going to be going to the chess club for the first time. Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on, and give me advice as to what I should do?
*No real names were used, just so everyone is aware.
Once you've been a young woman alone, at night, and/or in an iffy area, and realize you can't get from A to B without a high risk of being harassed by men much stronger than you - often in groups - you learn to take defensive measures, or be a victim. Without a man around to scare off the predators, I am as armed as the law permits. A weapon is no different than a fire extinguisher: you hope you never have to use it, but you'll be very glad to have it, in the unfortunate event that you need it.
What you experienced was standard high school shy feeling-things-out. She'd noticed you and liked you but was too shy to approach you directly. So she created an excuse to see if it was mutual. Especially in the romantic realm, NTs do that all the time. Instead, for having realistic and legitimate concerns, and using one poorly chosen, inaccurate word, you casually diagnosed her as crazy - as if you have an MD. Sarah, Nicole, and all their friends are talking about your reaction now, and probably think you're smart, but you're a dick. Any girl who carries a weapon has probably had something terrible happen to her, and is looking for a bit of a protector. Instead, you mocked her fears. I'd be surprised if she's still interested. If she is, ask all about the knife, because there is almost certainly a very important story behind it. I'd also ask John to teach you everything he knows.
Once you've been a young woman alone, at night, and/or in an iffy area, and realize you can't get from A to B without a high risk of being harassed by men much stronger than you - often in groups - you learn to take defensive measures, or be a victim. Without a man around to scare off the predators, I am as armed as the law permits. A weapon is no different than a fire extinguisher: you hope you never have to use it, but you'll be very glad to have it, in the unfortunate event that you need it.
What you experienced was standard high school shy feeling-things-out. She'd noticed you and liked you but was too shy to approach you directly. So she created an excuse to see if it was mutual. Especially in the romantic realm, NTs do that all the time. Instead, for having realistic and legitimate concerns, and using one poorly chosen, inaccurate word, you casually diagnosed her as crazy - as if you have an MD. Sarah, Nicole, and all their friends are talking about your reaction now, and probably think you're smart, but you're a dick. Any girl who carries a weapon has probably had something terrible happen to her, and is looking for a bit of a protector. Instead, you mocked her fears. I'd be surprised if she's still interested. If she is, ask all about the knife, because there is almost certainly a very important story behind it. I'd also ask John to teach you everything he knows.
Oh... I didn't mean to mock her fears. I just meant that since she is paranoid- her words, not mine- she might want to seek help for that, and that will be easier to do if she gets a diagnosis of PPD. I was just trying to be helpful. Actually, I don't think they're talking about my reaction, because Nicole knows about my AS and probably explained it to Sarah. I will ask about the knife. I guess I just failed to take her perspective. After all, Aspie logic at work here, if I've never been in a situation where a knife is necessary, then neither has anyone else. Also, to anyone else reading this post... I wasn't trying to act like a dick. I feel really bad about it now. ****.
Hey Postmaster! Glad to hear from you again. Seems Chess club is stirring up trouble again! Lol
Okay yes this was a "set up" of sorts. The girl is interested in you and needed a way to see if you are interested in her too. Are you interested in her? If so I'd go to Chess Club and strike up a conversation with her and see where that goes. Don't mention the knife. Leave that alone unless she brings it up. Then at that point you'll have a chance to "fix" what you said about her having ppd. If you bring it up you might make things worse. It will be like "here he goes again with the knife".
She likes you buddy! I'm happy for you. And as always keep us posted!
DON'T FEEL BAD!! !! I kind of thought Nicole might have been the girl from your other posts. I had a feeling she knew about your AS. I'm sure it was explained way before the phone call. The fact that she said she was interested AFTER you said what you said is a good sign. Don't stress over it. All is not lost.
(...)
John, who seems to know more about these sorts of things than I do, asked if she was trying to get me to ask her out
(...)
she said that she was, "interested in me."
Tonight Sarah is going to be going to the chess club for the first time. Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on, and give me advice as to what I should do?
Sarah is interested in you. That means she might try to ask you out when you meet next time. I would prepare some conversation topics, because she will most likely try to get you alone to talk. I would also think about what your feelings about her is, are you interested in her? If not, try to find a way to decline her gently.
_________________
AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200
It's pretty clear that the girl is interested in you. Now, you have to decide if you are interested in her, and then you have to decide on what you are going to do about it.
_________________
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
What blownmind said. Also I've got the (possibly wrong) impression that most of the other people involved were already aware of the situation, which answers your latest question - she was told about you by someone who seems to think you two would be a good fit. It seems like they intervened during your conversation to prevent disaster right after you suggested she had a personality disorder, and I also get the sense that the whole thing was a collaboration of sorts, like the group engineered you into the conversation. With the best of intentions I am sure, but it's an awkward sort of situation to be in. I've been in a similar situation once, I handled it maybe with a little more tact, but I couldn't deal with it and I (diplomatically) put a stop to it. To me private and public are completely separate spheres and I have no idea what to do when they collide.
She has gotten to know about you the same way you have gotten to know about her knife, social interaction with mutual friends. Why she is interested? You would have to ask Nicole about that, but possibly because you are the "go to science guy".
_________________
AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200
This is school stuff. So this type of "set up" happens all the time. Usually after the couple gets together there isn't any more intervention.
Well, I guess there's no reason not to. I'll just meet her tonight at the chess club and we'll see where-if anywhere- it goes.
Yup, it was high school when it happened.
Doesn't really matter that it's a one-off intervention. That doesn't help me cope with that one time, and even if the intervention is just once, the situation isn't. E.g. if you screw it up, everyone knows all about it. I prefer my failures to not be public.
Yup, it was high school when it happened.
Doesn't really matter that it's a one-off intervention. That doesn't help me cope with that one time, and even if the intervention is just once, the situation isn't. E.g. if you screw it up, everyone knows all about it. I prefer my failures to not be public.
I see where you're coming from. Sometimes people don't know or are just too shy to act alone so they employ the help of an intervention team. Not thinking about the consequences.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I'm just peculiar. When public and private converge, I lose all my landmarks and can't tell where the boundaries are anymore. That's not just limited to this particular situation.
