Throwing in the Towel

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I've been single for about a year and some odd months, got out of a 2-year relationship, and tried to recover myself emotionally before I thought about going back.

So I went into my first full year of college and enjoyed it, meeting people and living life.

A woman that graduated from the same high school as I did (year before) had broken up with her ex and started to talk to me. We talked on and off for about a few months, hung out, kissed, etc., but then I found out she wasn't ready for a relationship. She wanted to get herself straightened up with her 3 jobs, eventually buying her own car, which i respected and couldn't blame her.

Towards the end of this past spring semester, it didn't bother me much, until I found out that one of my neighbors (who was picked amongst my friends as the last guy to get laid) got laid and lost his virginity at 20. For some reason it bothered me and I started to panic: everyone amongst my friends had lost it and I was the last one standing. The initial week that this happened, I talked with some people and i got the whole spiel ("You're a really cool dude, you'll find somebody," I'm trying and i'm waiting for that day to find #2).

I've thrown in the towel and I told myself that I would wait it out and focus on what I needed to do. I have done so, but this little thing about relationships drives me crazy because I've been trying to wrassle with it for a while now.

I know that hopefully somewhere down the line I am going to find a woman, but I want to at least try to find someone while I am in college.

Hi Kaufmancab,

I understand your position of judging your performance based on you friends 'successes' or 'failures', but this is a falacy. As humans we tend to be comptititve within groups and that's somewhat healthy. But when the competitive nature supercedes the relative importance of the objective it's the wrong approach. What I mean is that finding a compatible mate is a basic human drive, like eating and sleeping. But in groups humans can become competitive in finding said mate. So the importance is placed on timing, not the quality of the relationship. Somebody wins the prize of 'getting laid first', but the quality objective (s/a wow my new girl is amazing!), may not be met.

What I'm trying to say is that I think there are two things happening with you. 1) is that you seem to show extremism: either you are in a sexual relationship, or you are throwing in the towel. That's an all or nothing attitude. Try being more flexible, like, maybe I can meet/hang out study, etc., with some folks and see if any gals strike my fancy. 2) At your age and place in life you are very well suited to find girlfriends, so be confident! You are young and smart, try to do what you can to connect with friends. In my experience, the best relationships occur rather organicalky, not when you expect or are in some sort of competition to win someone. They are the result ot meeeting and engaging with enough people that you find someone you click with. Then when this happens Dont let the opportunity slip away. This is advice coming from an NT girl. Hope it helps! Also, pls disregard spelling errors. Im answering on my phone!

I think that is the best thing to do, work on your skills/craft and be the best. If you can keep your focus up you will do well. When you gain success the girls will come, there will be no shortage. I know its really hard but you cant let yourself get derailed. We are in a global economy and you can sell your skills anywhere you like, don't think small. The same goes for women you have the whole world literally. This may not be politically correct but you really have a lot more options than the high school mindset that is troubling you. For now its mary palm and her five sisters and stay focused on being the best.
If the socializing and getting laid stuff does not work out, so what. Things could be worse. A knocked up a girl who will hate you, try to destroy your path to success and drag you down. Its going to happen to some of those guys getting laid now. Also dont believe everything you hear, dont let things you hear make you feel bad, like everyone else is really going somewhere socially and otherwise, a lot of what you hear is total BS, its all about people making themselves look far better than they actually are. But as a young aspie it it is nearly impossible to tell. Just dont let the BS get you down.