AS/NT Relationship?

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Hey fellow WPers, Does AS/NT relationship exist? I've been told (by a professional) it's really RARE and most aspies are married between themselves. Is AS/NT relationship successful? Do you think an NT would even CONSIDER dating an aspie... since he/she has a different kind of communication and relatedness to things? Another professional (NT) told me he would never consider dating an aspie.... because it is not what he "should" look for...

answers?

The fact that there's still that attitude of it all boiling down to neurology is quite bothersome. Yes, AS/NT relationships exist and yes, they can marry. Just like AS/AS relationships, NT/NT relationships, and any other combination you can think of. As for the professional who says he "shouldn't" be looking for an Aspie...based on what criteria???

I am 99% sure I am an Aspie, and my boyfriend is NT. He wasn't looking for an Aspie, of course, and when we first started dating he thought my differences were due to a quirky personality and mental health issues - I'd had problems with depression.

We've been together a wee while, and our relationship is good. The minor issues we have seem to be slightly different than NT couples, but there are some positive things too. Sometimes I do wonder what he sees in me, and I worry he will wake up one day and think 'What am I doing with her!' but so far that hasn't happened - we've been together nearly four and a half years.

Despite the big neurological differences, we are similar in other important ways: we have similar views about money, politics, how to bring up (hypothetical) children and we agree on our plans for the future and we both want the same things out of life. I think those are quite important things for any couple. We communicate quite well too considering, he asks me direct questions because he knows I can't read between the lines. It saves a lot of energy and we don't tend to have misunderstandings like some couples seem to.

I've been married to an NT women for 9.75 years. We are separated now, with little hope for a reconciliation but I firmly believe that if I knew about my condition sooner we could have made it work.

Now id like to date a fellow Aspie to see how it compares, maybe it would work out better?

You do realize there are plenty of people here who are in mixed relationships, or at least have a history of being in one, right?

Obviously a good many NT's will date someone on the spectrum.

I am NT and dating an aspie man. Personally knowing he has aspergers has really helped. He told me after we had been seeing each other for 3.5 monthes. At first, i was afraid he was lying to me about something, like another girlfriend or a major addiction or something, because I knew something was different, but couldn't put my finger on it. He's very charming and funny and we got along (and still do) great. But he would dissapear for a few days and not contact me, so I wondered what he was hiding. I assumed it was another girl because my last man had cheated, and i was in shock from that, and full of distrust. Or I thought maybe he was a drug addict, because i know some addicts will dissapear for days on end.

Then he told me he had AS, and things began to make more sense. But he would still spend several great days with me and then retreat with barely a peep of communication. I began to worry if he just didn't like me that much, AS or not. So i posted a queiry on wp about this and a boy named nathan suggested that maybe he just didn't know that his lack of communication was alienating me (we live about 3 hrs apart, so have to rely on txts, callts, etc. part of the time). So i mustered up the courage to tell him that i needed him to call, send pictures, or texts every day, so that i don't have to worry. Well what do you know, it worked!! ! Sence then he has maintained contact every day. I'm not saying things are perfect. I still wonder if he cares (he doesn't communicate about it). But he travels great distances to be with me. And I care alot about him. Still there seem to be many barriers to forward momentum. I'm not too worried about the future, but I do ponder the possibility of moving past this stage if he's never able to verbally articulate his depth of emotion for me.

If you are thinking of dating an NT, I suggest honesty about AS, after you hav achieved a level of comfort. Also, please try to maintain contact even if you are busy, a simple txt or goodnight call. Also, please try if you can to tell this person verbalky that you care. That's so important to NTs! Hope that helps.

*raises hand*

Just check my user name

*raises hand*

Just check my user name

I'm an NT who's had/has(?) a relationship/friendship with a 45-year-old AS man, to some extent or other, for 15+ years. He is not diagnosed, which I imagine is true for many, if not most, aged 30+ or so. I figured out myself what was going on, only a couple of years ago. So I'd say absolutely, of course AS/NT relationships exist, and in many cases, neither party even knows it.

Whether AS/NT relationships exist, however, is an entirely separate question from (A) whether they last, and (B) whether they are successful. I can only speak for my Aspie, but they are not successful, so they don't last. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that his relationships have been abysmal disasters, and end in spectacular fireballs (by NT standards). He says I'm the only one who doesn't hate him, stays in contact, and is not only willing, but eager, to try again. So if he's a freak, well then, so am I. Good.

In my view, it is just as much issues on the NT side, as on the AS side, that caused all his relationships to fail - if not more so. Personally, I think most NTs are just not up to the challenges of a relationship with an Aspie (and there are MANY that are not encountered in NT-NT relationships - as well as many benefits and advantages). But some NTs are up to it - perhaps roughly the same percentage in the population as AS. The trick is, finding each other. I've worked to impress upon my Aspie that we were very lucky to find each other, which is NOT something we should just blow off. He agrees. He just takes a bit longer than I do.

In brief, I think these "professionals" are talking out of their rear ends.

My paternal grandparents were NT/AS and stayed married until my grandfather died. My grandmother was described as having no tact, never had a desire to drive and had special interest in claw foot furniture

My first marriage was with NT but too many factors beyond AS, like abusive backgrounds marrying young played major part in the end to the relationship

My current I'm not sure I'm thinking very high functioning Aspie. He is a bit clingy but also doesn't care if I don't answer him when he compliments me.

If a Mennonite can marry a Catholic and it works out, then yes, it is possible.

Of course they can and do work out. Just like any other relationship between 2 people.

Here's the way I see it:

My girlfriend and I fell in love because of the person. Neither of us knew anything about each other's potential/actual "diagnoses" or quirks or anything else.

We just fell in love with the person.

And that's how it goes. Neuro-differences aren't the person. They're just layers on top of personality, character.

My girlfriend, whether she was AS or not, would still be the person that she is, inside. And that is who I'm in love with.

The only thing at issue is: How discerning, accepting, and "condition"-less (unconditional) loving of a person are you, or can you grow into, inside? How far can you "see" into the heart and soul of another person?

If you're good at that - really seeing a person, inside - and when you look you see a beautiful person that you're deeply in love with and admire and value, inside - then you can and most likely will have a successful love relationship.

Always remember it goes both ways. (That just b/c you might be so-called "NT" - doesn't mean that there's not a lot of "looking to the person within" that your AS/Aut mate has to do, in return, to successfully be with you. We're all diamonds in the rough.)

I'm NT and my boyfriend is an Aspie. We hit a bump in the road recently and I became a little down about it (see thread floating around here somewhere) but I love him and wouldn't trade him for a NT man even on the worst days!

So, in short, yes there are plenty of NT/AS relationships out there!

My husband isn't really NT but he can be considered one if he wants to call himself one since he does not have autism. Things work out between us. But then again he is not a typical NT due to his disabilities and he is also not very social. He has thought he could be a borderline aspie but I don't see it in them. He said he was more like me when he was younger and more like me when he was my age but he was better. But he has better social skills than I do. He has to tell me what is not appropriate and if I am getting too weird with my talking, he has to tell me to stop talking because I am getting inappropriate. He may tell me to get on my computer or play my game. He doesn't care what people think.

My last ex was aspie and he did not accept me and he acted like I was ret*d because he said he felt like he was with a child than with an adult and he was embarrassed by me and he cared too much what people thought of him. Plus he was very bigoted so I used to give him a hard time. But my husband is not like that and finds me cute. He does see me as a child but he also sees me as an adult. But he does not act like I am ret*d.


My husband and I talked online for three weeks. We both were always online talking to people and I always stayed signed on whenever I be on the computer. I hardly ever did phone calls.

Never dated a aspie girl only dated NTs but would love to date a aspie.

I think NT/AS partnerships do exist, and they can work, but they are hard work.