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Dating-Anxiety-Problems

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Ark
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16 Jun 2012, 11:14 pm

Well earlier tonight I kind of had my first date. It didn't last very long, by my own choice. I ended it because of my anxiety. I was so anxious that I couldn't even enjoy the time that I was spending with her. I tried my best to keep the conversation going, the small talk. Which I did pretty good with (except for a couple of awkward silences that passed quickly). But the I remember just thinking to myself that I was not enjoying it one bit but I wanted to. The anxiety is almost crippling. My mouth was extremely dry and I don't think that I was very 'fun'. Lately I've been trying to build up my ego and then use it to my advantage to become more confident. But for some reason it only works in my mind, when I'm alone fantasizing about being my ego's Ubermensch or whatever. I guess my goal is to learn how to use my ego in social situations but for the most part I haven't had much luck. I don't see my therapist again for another week so I decided to post here. Does anybody else go through this? Have you defeated these feelings? If so could you give me some advice? I don't know if I blew it or not.. Shes seems interested in me for the time being but I don't know how long that is going to last. So I want to captivate her before its too late.



edgewaters
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16 Jun 2012, 11:42 pm

Haha, I don't know and I doubt very much you can change it that much in any fast time frame. I'm still like that, though not quite as bad. I used to flinch when anyone touched me. Some people do seem to overcome it but I imagine it takes a few years, at least.

All I can say is don't assume someone isn't interested simply because you're awkward. You'll just sabotage yourself and make yourself more awkward, when maybe they didn't even care in the first place. You might even hurt someone, if they invest in you emotionally and you run because of your awkwardness. You may not even be coming across as awkward as you feel. Also, at least for me, it passes. Takes a good long time, but it definately passes.



Ark
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16 Jun 2012, 11:48 pm

edgewaters wrote:
Haha, I don't know and I doubt very much you can change it that much in any fast time frame. I'm still like that, though not quite as bad. I used to flinch when anyone touched me. Some people do seem to overcome it but I imagine it takes a few years, at least.

All I can say is don't assume someone isn't interested simply because you're awkward. You'll just sabotage yourself and make yourself more awkward, when maybe they didn't even care in the first place. You might even hurt someone, if they invest in you emotionally and you run because of your awkwardness. You may not even be coming across as awkward as you feel. Also, at least for me, it passes. Takes a good long time, but it definately passes.


True. Time heals all wounds as they say and so far throughout my life it has. I don't want to be apologetic, anxious and awkward anymore. I want to take control. I want to be confident. Being careful has its perks but being too careful to the point of paranoia and/or anxiety is just useless. Thanks for your input.



edgewaters
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17 Jun 2012, 12:12 am

Ark wrote:
I don't want to be apologetic, anxious and awkward anymore. I want to take control. I want to be confident. Being careful has its perks but being too careful to the point of paranoia and/or anxiety is just useless. Thanks for your input.


It's important to have courage and try to fight it in the moment even if you can't change it, just don't beat yourself up over it. Do what you can. Some women can be quite understanding about it, as long as they can see that you're making an effort. Everyone knows that it mostly passes once you get comfortable with someone.



singularity
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17 Jun 2012, 8:12 am

Try and imagine your date in a positive way. If she noticed you were awkward maybe she thinks you're nervous because you like her and want to make a good impression. She'll be flattered by that. And if you ended the date early, perhaps it's left her wanting more. Do your best, and don't give up! :-)



Ark
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17 Jun 2012, 10:52 pm

singularity wrote:
Try and imagine your date in a positive way. If she noticed you were awkward maybe she thinks you're nervous because you like her and want to make a good impression. She'll be flattered by that. And if you ended the date early, perhaps it's left her wanting more. Do your best, and don't give up! :-)


Thanks for the encouragement, shes still texting me so I guess that means shes interested. We have plans to hang out again so hopefully I can work on my anxiety. Next time we're going to see a movie so perhaps if there is no need to keep up conversation at first, I can relax a bit.



singularity
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18 Jun 2012, 8:13 am

that's great, Ark! A movie is good, it means you'll have something to talk about afterwards. :) And keep in mind that's she's probably nervous as well!