Hi. On the topic of expressing romantic feelings

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Hello my fiance is diagnosed with asperger's. It's mild but it does create difficult situations sometimes. I am NT.

She just told me that she had asperger's a few weeks ago. I do not care. It changes nothing of how i feel for her but i realized that i should now take an active role in understanding what it is like.

I am very mushy with her all the time and she gets frustrated by it because she can't respond back to me. I always joke and say that she loves it but a few nights ago i seriously asked her how frustrating it is because before that i hadn't taken how it affects her seriously. She said it was like 'Wanting to say i love you but not having the words to say it'.

My question is, how is it like for others with asperger's? How frustrating can it be at times?

Thanks.

Depends. We're like NT's in that aspect. Some of us can express our emotions freely. Some of us have incredible difficulty with it.

I don't have romantic feelings, thus there's no need to express them.

I hate to be cliche, but perhaps it would be easier for her to express her emotions physically?

I'm very similar to your fiancee in that regard, especially in the beginning. To make up for it, though, I try and show it in other ways until, eventually, I'm able to express it through words. It may take a while to get to that stage, and perhaps it may never happen. IN either case, be mindful of it and try not to be too endearing on the terms if she doesn't like it.

It can be frustrating for sure. When I was younger I didn't even like being touched even though I wanted to do all those things couples do. And some people stay like that forever. Then there's the situation which your fiancee has where she experiences things but can't share them. That is equally frustrating as you want to show someone you like them but they end up going cold on you and those bottled feelings are wasted and hurt.

I'm a girl and I am the exact same way.

It's so frustrating that I can't ever get stuff out verbally (especially emotional stuff). Sometimes I just want to give up and beat my head against a wall rather than even attempt it because I already know I won't be able to. Even the simple stuff, like "I love you" is hard to get out. Because that's not the way I work, I don't work think in words, I think kinesthetically. It's horrible to have so much going on in terms of your thoughts or feelings but never really being able to express them verbally, let alone accurately.

But sometimes it also makes us a bit uncomfortable to have someone who is so verbally expressive, because we don't always understand them or know how to take it or how to react.

It just becomes a case of I revert back to the physical, because that is the way I am most comfortable expressing anything. It's also much easier for me to understand a guy if he expresses something physically also - kind of like speaking the same language.

Her language might not be physical (but you know it's definitely not verbal) - so find out what hers is. She will understand you much more easily and be able much more able to express things to you if you find out her language.