Not able to talk to multiple girls at once.

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Xenu
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11 Jun 2012, 11:42 am

So here's the thing, I am aware that while dating or on sites like Okcupid you are expected to talk to or go out (in real life) many people of the opposite sex to try and figure out who you might be compatible with before you enter the relationship. My issue is I was raised really old fashioned in regards to relationship and for some reason I can't bring myself to do that even though I'm single and feel terrible when I force myself to do it because I realize i'm probably just being stupid... Like when there is a girl i'm interested in I'll just talk to her despite the fact that there might be several others I might be interested in as well because I just can't bring myself to lead several girls on only to get into a relationship with one of them... Am I being really stupid or what?



spongy
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11 Jun 2012, 11:56 am

Xenu wrote:
So here's the thing, I am aware that while dating or on sites like Okcupid you are expected to talk to or go out (in real life) many people of the opposite sex to try and figure out who you might be compatible with before you enter the relationship. My issue is I was raised really old fashioned in regards to relationship and for some reason I can't bring myself to do that even though I'm single and feel terrible when I force myself to do it because I realize i'm probably just being stupid... Like when there is a girl i'm interested in I'll just talk to her despite the fact that there might be several others I might be interested in as well because I just can't bring myself to lead several girls on only to get into a relationship with one of them... Am I being really stupid or what?


Some people choose to message several people others think thats inappropriate behaviour.
I find that theres no fail-proof way of succeeding at online dating/dating and you usually have to figure out what works for you by yourself.
Others can be a bit helpful polishing the profile and whatnot but if the resulting profile doesnt represent you you are unlikely to go anywhere.

On the original topic if you are only feeling comfortable talking to one girl at a time stick to that for a while and see how it goes.
You may have to wait longer for a response and whatnot but if you wont feel ok the other way theres no point on trying to force yourself.

Maybe stick to this message one girl for a months and reconsider then based on how things went/how are you feeling about the whole thing?.



thewhitrbbit
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11 Jun 2012, 2:05 pm

I laud your morals; but I do think they might be a bit extreme.

It's certainly OK to message lots of people. Quite simply but, the online dating world is a numbers game. You kind of have to play the rules of the game.

Perhaps you can split the difference.

Talk to a lot of them online, but then only meet the one you think might work out.



Who_Am_I
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11 Jun 2012, 8:11 pm

On dating sites, just like you said, it is expected that you'll be talking to multiple people, so you aren't really leading anyone by doing so.
Leading someone on in that context would be doing something like telling them that you were talking to them exclusively when you weren't.


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JanuaryMan
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11 Jun 2012, 8:19 pm

I sometimes end up doing this as well. I think if you remember you are still single when you are doing this it will help you consider branching out more when only at the messaging stage.



Wolfheart
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11 Jun 2012, 11:51 pm

Never assume anything is set in stone or at least don't assume until you have both made verbal agreement to have a trusted relationship or commitment. You will most likely feel the one girl you are talking to obliged to be with you or put her on a pedestal which won't help in any case.