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NoGirl
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13 Jun 2012, 3:25 am

Has anyone had problems not cheating on people they're involved with? Or, for that matter, found they don't feel at all guilty afterwards?



BlueMax
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13 Jun 2012, 5:01 am

Sounds dangerous... no remorse after knowingly hurting people is a key trait of a sociopath. :(



Mummy_of_Peanut
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13 Jun 2012, 5:49 am

No, absolutly not. I've been with my husband for almost 24 years and the thought of cheating on him would never enter my mind. To not care that you've hurt another is not connected to ASD.


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Roxas_XIII
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13 Jun 2012, 9:15 am

Not on my part. In fact, just the other day I was "solicited" by two girls over Yahoo chat who wanted me to visit their webcams for obvious reasons. I told them I had a GF and put them on my ignore list. This, considering that despite having a close emotional romantic relationship, my GF and I have not yet had any encounters of the physical kind (other than the occasional making out in the elevator of Orr Hall dorms), and that she's in another city for the remainder of the summer, is proof that I am an honest person. I would never, EVER knowingly hurt her, and that includes keeping things from her.


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JanuaryMan
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13 Jun 2012, 9:17 am

Roxas_XIII wrote:
Not on my part. In fact, just the other day I was "solicited" by two girls over Yahoo chat who wanted me to visit their webcams for obvious reasons. I told them I had a GF and put them on my ignore list.


Those are what we call bots. They are scripted robots that promptly say hello, have a string of cued responses they say triggered off by key words, and ask you to view their cam, or go to an external site.



Roxas_XIII
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13 Jun 2012, 12:23 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
Roxas_XIII wrote:
Not on my part. In fact, just the other day I was "solicited" by two girls over Yahoo chat who wanted me to visit their webcams for obvious reasons. I told them I had a GF and put them on my ignore list.


Those are what we call bots. They are scripted robots that promptly say hello, have a string of cued responses they say triggered off by key words, and ask you to view their cam, or go to an external site.


I kind of figured as much, because they had the same goddamn response when I finally outright rejected them "Whatever, you're prob a virgin anyway... peace". Of course, I had to laugh because I've had two sexual partners in the past and my GF might be my next when she comes back (she's the virgin, and while she's not exactly the abstinence until marriage type, it's going to take more than half a year of dating before she's willing to give that up for my sake, regardless of how close we've gotten. Which is cool, like I said I'm not a virgin and while I do find her extremely attractive, I'm chill with waiting until she's ready for something like that. Done it already, I'm in no hurry.)


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Wolfheart
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13 Jun 2012, 1:09 pm

No, I'm an honest person and I don't see the point in cheating or understand why people do it. Isn't it easier to just not exclusively see or commit to anyone and just engage in casual relationships if you aren't ready for a relationship? You would save the other person a world of hurt by doing that and there would be no need for deception.



Homer_Bob
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13 Jun 2012, 3:55 pm

People should know what they want prior to relationships. If people want to go around and have several different partners, than that's their right. They just shouldn't string anyone along. If they want many people, than they shouldn't try to be in a relationship at all unless both people agree they can see other people openly. Staying single and having several partners is pretty common today anyways.


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mds_02
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13 Jun 2012, 4:17 pm

I expect my partner to remain faithful to me. I consider being faithful to her in return a small price, and one I pay happily.


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Xenu
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13 Jun 2012, 4:42 pm

No, because I'm a good person. I couldn't even think of cheating on a partner let alone actually do it...



DogsWithoutHorses
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13 Jun 2012, 6:01 pm

Some people just aren't built for monogamy and that's okay.
It doesn't make you bad or a sociopath or whatever.
I think it would be helpful though if instead of beating yourself up over not fitting into a typical relationship box, you focused on building relationships that meet your needs (maybe an open relationship? or more casual commitments).
To make that happen the first step is going to have to be being honest with yourself about hat you really need and want from a relationship without worrying about what you think you are supposed to want.


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BlueMax
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13 Jun 2012, 6:17 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Some people just aren't built for monogamy and that's okay.
It doesn't make you bad or a sociopath or whatever.
I think it would be helpful though if instead of beating yourself up over not fitting into a typical relationship box, you focused on building relationships that meet your needs (maybe an open relationship? or more casual commitments).
To make that happen the first step is going to have to be being honest with yourself about hat you really need and want from a relationship without worrying about what you think you are supposed to want.


He's NOT beating himself up over it - that's the point. If he wants to be a Glen Quagmire and screw anything that moves, that's his choice. If it's consentual all around, that's fine for everyone involved.

If he's manipulating and tricking people to get that sex, it's hurting people. If he's in what's supposed to be a monogamous relationship but he's cheating then he's hurting his partner. If he's knowingly hurting people with zero remorse, he could be a sociopath.

Just be honest about what you want in a relationship - it's that simple.



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13 Jun 2012, 6:23 pm

I've never had a problem. I don't cheat.

If you can't stop, why not:

A. Find someone who's willing to enter an open relationship.

B. Just stick with friends with benefits, as that's a situation where the faithfulness of a relationship isn't expected.


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13 Jun 2012, 6:24 pm

I think it's contextual.

If your not going to be faithful; don't get into a relationship that expects it. Do an open relationship or just date around. No guilt, no shame.

Now if you are cheating on people that is wrong.



bruinsy33
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13 Jun 2012, 6:54 pm

Many men with AS[myself included] have a hard enough time trying to get into a relationship let alone remaining faithful. I am generalizing but would assume the Aspies who do struggle to get into a relationship,if they are successful in doing so, wouldn't jeopardize it by being unfaithful.



mds_02
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13 Jun 2012, 7:21 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
I think it's contextual.

If your not going to be faithful; don't get into a relationship that expects it. Do an open relationship or just date around. No guilt, no shame.

Now if you are cheating on people that is wrong.


Yes, absolutely. Cheating is different than simply not being monogamous. Somebody who has open relationships, or only has casual sex, is not harming anyone.

But cheating implies faking monogamy. It can do immense damage to the psyche of the person being cheated on. While there is nothing wrong with being non-monogamous, being so when you have allowed your partner to think you will be faithful is a despicable act.

I could give a long list of bad things that've happened to me, most of which would sound more dramatic and awful than simply being cheated on. But the pain of being cheated on was as great as, or even greater than, any of the other s**t.


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