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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Jun 2012, 5:54 pm

Yes, I am meeting/ phoning/ skyping/ chatting with girls lately who were first contacted on okc, or them contacting me (most of them at least).

One of the first tings they're asking about is about ex-relationships (in the first chat or meetup!), and I have... none! When told there's none, they'd start asking why and how comes... leading the conversation to an awkward direction that it's too early to talk about and I really would like just to avoid it because of its negative connotations because let's face it, a 30 years old guy with no previous relationship is something extremely out of the norm, and anything too out of the norm is usually worrying/scary.

So how can I dodge these types of questions?

ps: the title is random.



curlyfry
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21 Jun 2012, 6:09 pm

Say you were focusing on creating a stable career for yourself and now that you reached that level you want to share your life with a like minded lady. I think you have had opportunities but did not pursue them knowing they were not compatible.



1000Knives
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21 Jun 2012, 6:13 pm

First off, post that you got an iPhone 5 on OKC to appear more successful.

The easiest answer would be....say you were incarcerated for the last decade. Or you were part of the PLO, eh, eh? Makes you seem like a bad boy. Or for a more neutral answer maybe...coma. Yeah, much better than just saying "Yeah, so I was a loser and I'm socially awkward and terrible at relationships." And then when the girl responds be like "Yeah so what?"



IlovemyAspie
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21 Jun 2012, 6:14 pm

curlyfry wrote:
Say you were focusing on creating a stable career for yourself and now that you reached that level you want to share your life with a like minded lady. I think you have had opportunities but did not pursue them knowing they were not compatible.


LOVE IT!!



Stargazer43
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21 Jun 2012, 7:32 pm

That's also the question I have the hardest time answering. I think that the answer above is a great way to respond. Another way is just to be perfectly blunt and say something like "I apologize, but I'd rather wait until we get to know each better before we start talking about our past relationships"



BlueMax
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21 Jun 2012, 8:09 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
That's also the question I have the hardest time answering. I think that the answer above is a great way to respond. Another way is just to be perfectly blunt and say something like "I apologize, but I'd rather wait until we get to know each better before we start talking about our past relationships"


Many might see that as avoiding the issue and having something to hide though - I think I would too.

"Without going into too many details on a first date, I just haven't found someone really compatible..." or something?



DogsWithoutHorses
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21 Jun 2012, 8:42 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
That's also the question I have the hardest time answering. I think that the answer above is a great way to respond. Another way is just to be perfectly blunt and say something like "I apologize, but I'd rather wait until we get to know each better before we start talking about our past relationships"


*screech* now that's a conversation/rapport stopper (imo)
I also liked curlyfry's suggestion. Frame it as a conscious choice, not a lack of luck/ability and point out a positive (more time developing as an individual, more focus on career/passion)
The only issue with this is being careful to not sound too much like you're "spinning" or overcompensating (don't make these points too emphatically)


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thewhitrbbit
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21 Jun 2012, 9:32 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Stargazer43 wrote:
That's also the question I have the hardest time answering. I think that the answer above is a great way to respond. Another way is just to be perfectly blunt and say something like "I apologize, but I'd rather wait until we get to know each better before we start talking about our past relationships"


Many might see that as avoiding the issue and having something to hide though - I think I would too.

"Without going into too many details on a first date, I just haven't found someone really compatible..." or something?


Yeah; you don't want to seem sketchy. You wouldn't believe how many people on OKC have girlfriends and want a second. Plus; you don't want to say "My last relationship ended in the nuclear option."

There are some good ones here.



Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 10:11 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Stargazer43 wrote:
That's also the question I have the hardest time answering. I think that the answer above is a great way to respond. Another way is just to be perfectly blunt and say something like "I apologize, but I'd rather wait until we get to know each better before we start talking about our past relationships"


Many might see that as avoiding the issue and having something to hide though - I think I would too.

"Without going into too many details on a first date, I just haven't found someone really compatible..." or something?


I think this might be the best one, personally. They can't really say much else about it if you haven't been compatible enough. Then again, they might think you nitpick at everything... Hmm...



bizboy1
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21 Jun 2012, 10:22 pm

You could always make up one lol.



Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 10:27 pm

bizboy1 wrote:
You could always make up one lol.


LOL! Good way to begin a relationship: lie about previous relationships. Hahahaha.



bizboy1
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21 Jun 2012, 10:36 pm

Kinme wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
You could always make up one lol.


LOL! Good way to begin a relationship: lie about previous relationships. Hahahaha.


Hey if telling the truth gets you nowhere then why not? Sometimes being honest ends up hurting you more. Doesn't make sense to be honest then. If a guy puts a gun to your head and says he'll pull the trigger if you tell him that you're gay, and you're gay, would you tell the truth? I think not.



Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 10:38 pm

bizboy1 wrote:
Kinme wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
You could always make up one lol.


LOL! Good way to begin a relationship: lie about previous relationships. Hahahaha.


Hey if telling the truth gets you nowhere then why not? Sometimes being honest ends up hurting you more. Doesn't make sense to be honest then. If a guy puts a gun to your head and says he'll pull the trigger if you tell him that you're gay, and you're gay, would you tell the truth? I think not.


Good point, but it's still not a reason to lie.



Boxman108
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21 Jun 2012, 10:44 pm

Kinme wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
Kinme wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
You could always make up one lol.


LOL! Good way to begin a relationship: lie about previous relationships. Hahahaha.


Hey if telling the truth gets you nowhere then why not? Sometimes being honest ends up hurting you more. Doesn't make sense to be honest then. If a guy puts a gun to your head and says he'll pull the trigger if you tell him that you're gay, and you're gay, would you tell the truth? I think not.


Good point, but it's still not a reason to lie.


Spinning the truth is pretty much just as bad as lying. That's what everyone in this thread has been suggesting so far.

If someone is too much of a p**** to put up with the fact you haven't had a girlfriend before, they're not worth your time. Of course, it's been apparent that Boo and a few others here try to look at this as more of a strategic game than actually dealing with other human beings.


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DogsWithoutHorses
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21 Jun 2012, 10:45 pm

bizboy1 wrote:
Kinme wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
You could always make up one lol.


LOL! Good way to begin a relationship: lie about previous relationships. Hahahaha.


Hey if telling the truth gets you nowhere then why not? Sometimes being honest ends up hurting you more. Doesn't make sense to be honest then. If a guy puts a gun to your head and says he'll pull the trigger if you tell him that you're gay, and you're gay, would you tell the truth? I think not.


yup cause not getting laid when you want is just like being the victim of hate crime


It's not smart to lie when you're looking for more than a casual hook-up (though in that case it's still a jerk move) because at some point, you're going to get caught or have your energy get caught up in lie maintenance.


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