Feel like I'm running out of options on OkCupid and Match

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Brianruns10
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19 Jun 2012, 10:37 pm

I've tried Match and OkCupid and plentyoffish. Messaged dozens and dozens and dozens. I've lost count. Got a few replies, but none really went anywhere, and now I'm just getting dimishing returns. I'm starting to cycle through familiar people, and running out of people.

I just don't know where to go next. I get so damn scared engaging strangers face to face...I've contemplated speed dating, but I just don't think I could handle that. Meetup just totally freaks me out...showing up to a group of strangers...most seem to be older anyways. I have so much trouble just finding people my own age it seems...

Where else can I go? What else can I do? I'm trying to be more realistic, and not putting so much hope on a single date. Now, I'd just be really happy to go out with someone for lunch and a movie or something. Just to interact with someone of the opposite sex who isn't a coworker.

Dare I ask one of my friends if they can fix me up? I just feel so ashamed to do it, like my friends will lose respect for me and think, "Jeez what a loser that he hast to ask for help to find a date."

Any suggestions on what I can try next, so I can keep meeting people?



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 10:43 pm

You can always try to meet people on here instead. Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting. Just my opinion, but lots of people on here are looking for love, too.



MXH
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19 Jun 2012, 10:48 pm

Kinme wrote:
You can always try to meet people on here instead. Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting. Just my opinion, but lots of people on here are looking for love, too.

location and the large difference in men/women make dating in wp hard



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 10:49 pm

MXH wrote:
Kinme wrote:
You can always try to meet people on here instead. Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting. Just my opinion, but lots of people on here are looking for love, too.

location and the large difference in men/women make dating in wp hard


And yet I'm dating scubasteve, lol. There's always a chance to find someone if you're willing to deal with distance and make an effort.



Brianruns10
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19 Jun 2012, 10:52 pm

I'd certainly be interested. Is there anyone in the Kansas City area?



1000Knives
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19 Jun 2012, 11:03 pm

Talking to strangers isn't too hard, just tell yourself "I'll never see these people again" Then you can be relaxed and treat it like a video game. Now if you have to see them again, uh...that changes things.

EDIT, by video game, I mean like a JRPG or a game like Shenmue, not Fallout. Just saying.

As far as the friends, that's what friends are for. That and helping you move.



MXH
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19 Jun 2012, 11:14 pm

Kinme wrote:
MXH wrote:
Kinme wrote:
You can always try to meet people on here instead. Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting. Just my opinion, but lots of people on here are looking for love, too.

location and the large difference in men/women make dating in wp hard


And yet I'm dating scubasteve, lol. There's always a chance to find someone if you're willing to deal with distance and make an effort.

Ive met and had been living with a female wp member. Who i had to travel quite a long distance to meet. So I know its not impossible. But its highly unlikely i would have done such a thing if i didnt have the circumstances i have



Zinnel
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19 Jun 2012, 11:21 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I'd certainly be interested. Is there anyone in the Kansas City area?


Yeah, I live in the Kansas City area too and I would suggest (if you haven't already) that you try Okcupid because there are plenty of lonely girls on the site who are also within the area.


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Wolfheart
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20 Jun 2012, 2:31 am

Join various social groups in the area and get to know people, show positive traits to your personality and observe how other people are socializing in these groups.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt193178.html This thread I made may also help you.



thewhitrbbit
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20 Jun 2012, 7:28 am

Online dating is one of the biggest hit or miss things I've seen.

Many people who don't use it act like it's a god send for people who struggle to meet people; but it's really not. There are a few who hit it out of the park; some on the first pitch, but these are not the rule.

Remember; a woman has the potential to be exposed to suitors any time she goes outside. Many, but not all, women will view online as a supplemental.



ToughDiamond
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20 Jun 2012, 11:03 am

Kinme wrote:
Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting.

I guess that's because the bulk of humanity is shallow and uninteresting, at least to us.

I don't think it makes any great difference what medium you use to find people to love. There are special problems for those you first acquaint with at a distance via media and with a view to a relationship, but in the grand scheme of things that doesn't matter much.

I never did online dating as such.......though I used to answer some of the small ads in the "heart-to-heart" column of the local paper, and similar "quick-fix" methods. I got 4 relationships and one flirty pen-pal out of the thing.

1. Once we met, she rapidly took control of the relationship and strung me along, eventually dumping me for another guy. No good points at all except she was quite good looking.

2. Seemed to play a few hidden power moves, and was rather judgemental and aggressive (high testosterone, apparently). Also couldn't cope with any anger from me. But she was a decent enough girl in most ways.

3. Had a boyfriend all the time but didn't tell me for a few weeks, then expected me to stay on as her "special friend." Wonderfully good fun to talk with though, very warm and ful of jokes.

4. Kept flipping one way and then the other about one of my important partner selection criteria, used deception on me, history of infidelity. Otherwise a damn fine girlfriend.

5. Too full of herself and domineering, didn't really care about me although tried very hard to be a good partner on her own terms. Emotionally disappointing somehow. But she never gave me any crap over other men, and although she was always late, she was basically reliable. And she tipped me off that I had Aspergers.

I did also have an understanding with a lady online, but it's too freshly-dead to describe objectively. I'll probably do a thread on her when I've got over the grief better.

Anyway, I hope that lot aren't representative of the population, though the ones I met in real life weren't usually any better. Somebody once told me that if a person can't go and get their own totty, they're probably not going to succeed either when they take the easy way out. I don't fully agree with that, but I know where they're coming from, and the word "desperate" does spring to mind when I think of these media-mediated dating methods. I think there are likely to be a lot of disordered personalities and outcasts in that pool, though I don't know they're worse than the general population.

I fI were ready to try again with a partner, I think I'd start by seeing if there's any way I can get to meet more new women of similar outlook, in real life, without just ending up staring at people's backs at noisy parties. But I see the attraction, going online means you don't have to leave your fortress of solitude until there's somebody definitely interested in meeting you.



1000Knives
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20 Jun 2012, 11:18 am

My friend met his wife on some anime forum, then played WoW with her for years, and finally met her in person like 5 years later. They married when he was like 20-21, and her 19, and I think he knew her since he was like 13 or something. So you could just PM random attractive girls on forums and see what happens. I gotta say, my friend did quite well with his wife, he'd not find anyone better if he tried a few thousand more times.



Wolfheart
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20 Jun 2012, 12:23 pm

1000Knives wrote:
My friend met his wife on some anime forum, then played WoW with her for years, and finally met her in person like 5 years later. They married when he was like 20-21, and her 19, and I think he knew her since he was like 13 or something. So you could just PM random attractive girls on forums and see what happens. I gotta say, my friend did quite well with his wife, he'd not find anyone better if he tried a few thousand more times.


Seems like a good idea but location differences would make it more difficult, I think it would be easier for him to just start approaching random women and getting involved in social groups in his area. I don't know how many of these internet relationships exist or how many last but he needs to get out and experience socializing in real time so he can learn from his mistakes. I think using the internet to talk to the person you like is fine for initial contact, anything beyond that isn't ideal.



1000Knives
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20 Jun 2012, 1:06 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
My friend met his wife on some anime forum, then played WoW with her for years, and finally met her in person like 5 years later. They married when he was like 20-21, and her 19, and I think he knew her since he was like 13 or something. So you could just PM random attractive girls on forums and see what happens. I gotta say, my friend did quite well with his wife, he'd not find anyone better if he tried a few thousand more times.


Seems like a good idea but location differences would make it more difficult, I think it would be easier for him to just start approaching random women and getting involved in social groups in his area. I don't know how many of these internet relationships exist or how many last but he needs to get out and experience socializing in real time so he can learn from his mistakes. I think using the internet to talk to the person you like is fine for initial contact, anything beyond that isn't ideal.


My friend lived in CT, and his wife lived in Colorado when they met, eventually she moved to NYC for art college, and yeah. But I think that was divine luck with his case...



rabbittss
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20 Jun 2012, 2:39 pm

Kinme wrote:
MXH wrote:
Kinme wrote:
You can always try to meet people on here instead. Seems to me like those dating websites are a bunch of crap. All the people I've met, with the exception of about two or three, were shallow and uninteresting. Just my opinion, but lots of people on here are looking for love, too.

location and the large difference in men/women make dating in wp hard


And yet I'm dating scubasteve, lol. There's always a chance to find someone if you're willing to deal with distance and make an effort.


Distance is insurmountable if you have no extra income to spend on traveling. There is a big difference between going on a date, and going on a date that requires you to drive more than 2 hours/fly some place..

But I feel the same way.. I've finally gotten beyond OkC with one girl, and now we are talking on facebook.. but It's taken me months to get to this stage and I just don't have any faith it will turn into anything deeper than facebook buddies. The problem is, she already lives more than 2 hours away which basically makes it extremely unlikely we would be able to be anything serious. Unfortunately I just don't have any more options at this point, all the girls within 25 miles I've either messaged already and gotten no reply, or I'm simply not interested in them.