What did I do wrong? (OKCupid Fail)

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ShadesOfMe
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19 Jun 2012, 3:44 am

May 23, I contacted a guy on okcupid. I normally don't, and I usually don't respond to people. I'm more curious than anything. Anyway, This guy was actually in my area, and had Asperger's and was a 97% match with me! I was excited and explained that I was sorry my profile is empty (because I am shy) but I was excited he was on the spectrum because I am too.

No response. Day before yesterday I read more of his profile, found out his answers matched mine an insane amount. I recontacted him and said "let me try again." our match had gone up to 99% due to my answering questions, or him answering questions, or maybe even both. I even filled out a bit of my profile, explaining I have AS, because I thought maybe he was scared of the blank profile.


Today I log on. His profile has been deleted.

What did I do wrong?? Why couldn't he have had the decency to at least send me a "Thank you but no thank you." note?

Was it my fault?

I'm utter fail when it comes to dating. I haven't met anyone I've liked since I ended my first and last relationship last January.


Was this my fault? Okcupid is scary, and I just would like to find someone nice to go on dates with. I don't even care about the gender!



redrobin62
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19 Jun 2012, 3:46 am

There...there...he probably found someone and didn't want to break your heart.



Tim_Tex
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19 Jun 2012, 4:00 am

What happened to OWA?


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ShadesOfMe
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19 Jun 2012, 4:00 am

actually, I did some internet searching and found out her moved to Indiana. :(



ShadesOfMe
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19 Jun 2012, 4:01 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
What happened to OWA?
Broke up last January. We became completely different people, and long distance was too hard. I actually haven't seen him since october of 2011, but we're still friends. We talk on the phone. :)



again_with_this
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19 Jun 2012, 4:20 am

Question for you, and I'm dead serious about this and would like to hear your response:

If you don't have the decency to at least send the guys that contact you a "thank you but no thank you note," then why do you expect the same in return??

You have no qualms ignoring people you're disinterested in, but then seem shocked an appalled when you receive that kind of treatment from someone else. I don't think it was right of him to just ignore you, but I don't think it's right of you to ignore others either. Practice what you preach. Obliviousness to one's own hypocrisy is appalling.

By the way, his profile probably wasn't deleted, he just blocked you.

Reread through you own OP, I bolded the irony:

ShadesOfMe wrote:
... I usually don't respond to people. I'm more curious than anything. Anyway, This guy was actually in my area, and had Asperger's and was a 97% match with me! I was excited and explained that I was sorry my profile is empty (because I am shy) but I was excited he was on the spectrum because I am too.

No response. Day before yesterday I read more of his profile, found out his answers matched mine an insane amount. I recontacted him and said "let me try again." our match had gone up to 99% due to my answering questions, or him answering questions, or maybe even both. I even filled out a bit of my profile, explaining I have AS, because I thought maybe he was scared of the blank profile.


Today I log on. His profile has been deleted.

What did I do wrong?? Why couldn't he have had the decency to at least send me a "Thank you but no thank you." note?

Was it my fault?



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jun 2012, 4:34 am

Welcome temporarily to the male realm of okcupid.

To answer your question: you can't know, maybe he got a gf, maybe he figured out to be gay, maybe he didn't like you back, maybe he didn't even see the message.... there are tons of possibilities. Most probably not your fault.



blue_bean
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19 Jun 2012, 5:09 am

again_with_this wrote:
Question for you, and I'm dead serious about this and would like to hear your response:

If you don't have the decency to at least send the guys that contact you a "thank you but no thank you note," then why do you expect the same in return??

You have no qualms ignoring people you're disinterested in, but then seem shocked an appalled when you receive that kind of treatment from someone else. I don't think it was right of him to just ignore you, but I don't think it's right of you to ignore others either. Practice what you preach. Obliviousness to one's own hypocrisy is appalling.

By the way, his profile probably wasn't deleted, he just blocked you.

Reread through you own OP, I bolded the irony:

ShadesOfMe wrote:
... I usually don't respond to people. I'm more curious than anything. Anyway, This guy was actually in my area, and had Asperger's and was a 97% match with me! I was excited and explained that I was sorry my profile is empty (because I am shy) but I was excited he was on the spectrum because I am too.

No response. Day before yesterday I read more of his profile, found out his answers matched mine an insane amount. I recontacted him and said "let me try again." our match had gone up to 99% due to my answering questions, or him answering questions, or maybe even both. I even filled out a bit of my profile, explaining I have AS, because I thought maybe he was scared of the blank profile.


Today I log on. His profile has been deleted.

What did I do wrong?? Why couldn't he have had the decency to at least send me a "Thank you but no thank you." note?

Was it my fault?


She says she's too shy to message people back. She made a big step out of her comfort zone just to message this one guy.



ShadesOfMe
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19 Jun 2012, 5:29 am

again_with_this wrote:
Question for you, and I'm dead serious about this and would like to hear your response:

If you don't have the decency to at least send the guys that contact you a "thank you but no thank you note," then why do you expect the same in return??

You have no qualms ignoring people you're disinterested in, but then seem shocked an appalled when you receive that kind of treatment from someone else. I don't think it was right of him to just ignore you, but I don't think it's right of you to ignore others either. Practice what you preach. Obliviousness to one's own hypocrisy is appalling.

By the way, his profile probably wasn't deleted, he just blocked you.

Reread through you own OP, I bolded the irony:

ShadesOfMe wrote:
... I usually don't respond to people. I'm more curious than anything. Anyway, This guy was actually in my area, and had Asperger's and was a 97% match with me! I was excited and explained that I was sorry my profile is empty (because I am shy) but I was excited he was on the spectrum because I am too.

No response. Day before yesterday I read more of his profile, found out his answers matched mine an insane amount. I recontacted him and said "let me try again." our match had gone up to 99% due to my answering questions, or him answering questions, or maybe even both. I even filled out a bit of my profile, explaining I have AS, because I thought maybe he was scared of the blank profile.


Today I log on. His profile has been deleted.

What did I do wrong?? Why couldn't he have had the decency to at least send me a "Thank you but no thank you." note?

Was it my fault?


See, it's not that I'm shocked and appalled. It's that I sent him two messages. If someone sent me more than one message, I'd respond. But this is also an Aspie, and most of the people I've been dealing with are NT's. Also has Blue_Bean said i went way out of my comfort zone, and I told him that I was going out of my comfort zone.



blue_bean
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19 Jun 2012, 5:33 am

Also, who with good intentions would send messages to someone with a blank profile? It's as if the guys messaging her were just taking desperate potshots in the dark.
If I had a blank profile and received a message from someone I wouldn't reply either, as I'd know he's just interested in ANYTHING WITH ANYBODY and not me. What's there to get interested in? My profile is blank. Personally I find it creepy when a guy does that to girls who joined 5 minutes ago and haven't even had a chance to fill in the basic info in their profiles.



ShadesOfMe
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19 Jun 2012, 5:39 am

Yes, some of he messages sound like the "Hello dear" ones you get on here.

When I was 15 i started a stumbleupon account, until I was 19 or so I'd get all kinds of messages from older (20---45) men in different countries asking to be my friend. I will say a lot of them lessened when I removed "swinging" as on of my interests. :lol: I had no idea it could mean something other than swinging on a swing set!



blue_bean
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19 Jun 2012, 5:40 am

Quote:
Also has Blue_Bean said i went way out of my comfort zone, and I told him that I was going out of my comfort zone.


Yes. Y'see there are other reason why girls don't respond. Could it be because they're too socially anxious? No, nevah!



again_with_this
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19 Jun 2012, 5:46 am

blue_bean wrote:
Also, who with good intentions would send messages to someone with a blank profile? It's as if the guys messaging her were just taking desperate potshots in the dark.
If I had a blank profile and received a message from someone I wouldn't reply either, as I'd know he's just interested in ANYTHING WITH ANYBODY and not me. What's there to get interested in? My profile is blank. Personally I find it creepy when a guy does that to girls who joined 5 minutes ago and haven't even had a chance to fill in the basic info in their profiles.


Not necessarily...based on your logic, a girl with a blank profile may just be very shy, and he wants to possibly help her emerge from her "comfort zone."



again_with_this
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19 Jun 2012, 5:49 am

Anyway, OP, do you at least have a picture up on your profile?

If the answer is no, then you must realize that if you're not willing to participate to even some degree, then all the explanation in the world isn't going to help.

He probably thought, "Who the hell is this? Why can't she even put a picture up? She's free to see me and my profile, but I have no way of gauging hers."

It's a give-and-take. If you're not willing to give, don't be surprised when you can't take either.



again_with_this
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19 Jun 2012, 5:50 am

blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Also has Blue_Bean said i went way out of my comfort zone, and I told him that I was going out of my comfort zone.


Yes. Y'see there are other reason why girls don't respond. Could it be because they're too socially anxious? No, nevah!


Well then, maybe he's very socially anxious. Could that be? No, never...