What did I do wrong? (OKCupid Fail)

Post Reply New Topic

May 23, I contacted a guy on okcupid. I normally don't, and I usually don't respond to people. I'm more curious than anything. Anyway, This guy was actually in my area, and had Asperger's and was a 97% match with me! I was excited and explained that I was sorry my profile is empty (because I am shy) but I was excited he was on the spectrum because I am too.

No response. Day before yesterday I read more of his profile, found out his answers matched mine an insane amount. I recontacted him and said "let me try again." our match had gone up to 99% due to my answering questions, or him answering questions, or maybe even both. I even filled out a bit of my profile, explaining I have AS, because I thought maybe he was scared of the blank profile.


Today I log on. His profile has been deleted.

What did I do wrong?? Why couldn't he have had the decency to at least send me a "Thank you but no thank you." note?

Was it my fault?

I'm utter fail when it comes to dating. I haven't met anyone I've liked since I ended my first and last relationship last January.


Was this my fault? Okcupid is scary, and I just would like to find someone nice to go on dates with. I don't even care about the gender!

There...there...he probably found someone and didn't want to break your heart.

What happened to OWA?

actually, I did some internet searching and found out her moved to Indiana.

Question for you, and I'm dead serious about this and would like to hear your response:

If you don't have the decency to at least send the guys that contact you a "thank you but no thank you note," then why do you expect the same in return??

You have no qualms ignoring people you're disinterested in, but then seem shocked an appalled when you receive that kind of treatment from someone else. I don't think it was right of him to just ignore you, but I don't think it's right of you to ignore others either. Practice what you preach. Obliviousness to one's own hypocrisy is appalling.

By the way, his profile probably wasn't deleted, he just blocked you.

Reread through you own OP, I bolded the irony:

Welcome temporarily to the male realm of okcupid.

To answer your question: you can't know, maybe he got a gf, maybe he figured out to be gay, maybe he didn't like you back, maybe he didn't even see the message.... there are tons of possibilities. Most probably not your fault.

Also, who with good intentions would send messages to someone with a blank profile? It's as if the guys messaging her were just taking desperate potshots in the dark.
If I had a blank profile and received a message from someone I wouldn't reply either, as I'd know he's just interested in ANYTHING WITH ANYBODY and not me. What's there to get interested in? My profile is blank. Personally I find it creepy when a guy does that to girls who joined 5 minutes ago and haven't even had a chance to fill in the basic info in their profiles.

Yes, some of he messages sound like the "Hello dear" ones you get on here.

When I was 15 i started a stumbleupon account, until I was 19 or so I'd get all kinds of messages from older (20---45) men in different countries asking to be my friend. I will say a lot of them lessened when I removed "swinging" as on of my interests. I had no idea it could mean something other than swinging on a swing set!

Anyway, OP, do you at least have a picture up on your profile?

If the answer is no, then you must realize that if you're not willing to participate to even some degree, then all the explanation in the world isn't going to help.

He probably thought, "Who the hell is this? Why can't she even put a picture up? She's free to see me and my profile, but I have no way of gauging hers."

It's a give-and-take. If you're not willing to give, don't be surprised when you can't take either.

I read somewhere that only 10% of messages are ever responded to on dating sites