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If you believe you are very low status material...

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Uprising
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18 Jun 2012, 9:44 am

...then what are the reasons to make you believe that?

Did people tell you the reasons in your face or did you figure them out yourself?



MXH
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18 Jun 2012, 9:52 am

Uprising wrote:
...then what are the reasons to make you believe that?

Did people tell you the reasons in your face or did you figure them out yourself?


both.



HisDivineMajesty
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18 Jun 2012, 10:11 am

Both, also.



Wolfheart
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18 Jun 2012, 10:12 am

Define status material, I think people can easily exaggerate or distort their perceptions and views when it comes to negative self core beliefs.



HisDivineMajesty
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18 Jun 2012, 10:32 am

I've literally been told "not even a blind, mentally ret*d girl would find you attractive." out of the blue, when I was talking about something completely different.
How's that for people telling it to my face? In fact, the woman who said that is one I still respect six years later - I know the rest of them think that, but don't say so.



Uprising
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18 Jun 2012, 10:34 am

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
I've literally been told "not even a blind, mentally ret*d girl would find you attractive." out of the blue, when I was talking about something completely different.
How's that for people telling it to my face? In fact, the woman who said that is one I still respect six years later - I know the rest of them think that, but don't say so.

Why do you respect her?



Uprising
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18 Jun 2012, 10:39 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Define status material, I think people can easily exaggerate or distort their perceptions and views when it comes to negative self core beliefs.

Appearance, social skills, job, independence, popularity...



thewhitrbbit
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18 Jun 2012, 10:42 am

Uprising wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Define status material, I think people can easily exaggerate or distort their perceptions and views when it comes to negative self core beliefs.

Appearance, social skills, job, independence, popularity...


Some of those can be improved through effort.



Wolfheart
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18 Jun 2012, 10:45 am

Uprising wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Define status material, I think people can easily exaggerate or distort their perceptions and views when it comes to negative self core beliefs.

Appearance, social skills, job, independence, popularity...


They can be improved but you have to make a concious effort, you can either sit around, blaming your problems on women and circumstances or you can take control and work on improving yourself and your situation.



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18 Jun 2012, 12:15 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
Uprising wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Define status material, I think people can easily exaggerate or distort their perceptions and views when it comes to negative self core beliefs.

Appearance, social skills, job, independence, popularity...


They can be improved but you have to make a concious effort, you can either sit around, blaming your problems on women and circumstances or you can take control and work on improving yourself and your situation.


Yeah but sometimes life doesn't always reward the work you do trying to improving your situation. Thats the case for one of my friends, he honestly has the worst bad luck I've ever seen anyone have. I also don't know too many people who blame their appearance, independence, and current job status on women...


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HisDivineMajesty
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18 Jun 2012, 12:25 pm

Uprising wrote:
Why do you respect her?


For being honest. I prefer hearing the truth over being lied to, because the truth won't change if it's lied about.



Uprising
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18 Jun 2012, 12:50 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Uprising wrote:
Why do you respect her?


For being honest. I prefer hearing the truth over being lied to, because the truth won't change if it's lied about.

Sometimes if the truth is too ugly, it would rather not be told. This is why I'll never let me screen myself for cancer or hearth disease for example.



ValentineWiggin
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18 Jun 2012, 1:03 pm

Uprising wrote:
HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Uprising wrote:
Why do you respect her?


For being honest. I prefer hearing the truth over being lied to, because the truth won't change if it's lied about.

Sometimes if the truth is too ugly, it would rather not be told. This is why I'll never let me screen myself for cancer or hearth disease for example.


Cancer is curable, heart disease, reversible.
People's looks, personality, what have you, can all be changed if they so-choose.

I wouldn't care what such an ugly person thought of me, however.


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Kurgan
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18 Jun 2012, 1:41 pm

I'd rather hear the truth even if it's painful. Lying to someone when they clearly want the truth, is similar to when parents tell their kids that "Derp the rabbit went to live on a farm where he can play all day long with the other animals", when he was actually run over by a car.

No girl has ever called me ugly, but I've been called weird a lot.



TM
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18 Jun 2012, 1:58 pm

Kurgan wrote:
I'd rather hear the truth even if it's painful. Lying to someone when they clearly want the truth, is similar to when parents tell their kids that "Derp the rabbit went to live on a farm where he can play all day long with the other animals", when he was actually run over by a car.

No girl has ever called me ugly, but I've been called weird a lot.


I'm somewhere in the middle on this, in some cases the harsh truth is required to break a person's self-deception should that deception be harmful. On the other hand, for some people the self-deception has a value at that time, and needs to be left unharmed.

I call it the suicide vs "I'll f*****g show you" theory. In effect, some people are so volatile in certain periods of their life, that telling them the harsh truth, could drive them further down. On the other hand, other people have pursued their destructive path because doing so has been the path of least resistance. These people can get very motived to show you how wrong you are.



DogsWithoutHorses
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18 Jun 2012, 3:20 pm

TM wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
I'd rather hear the truth even if it's painful. Lying to someone when they clearly want the truth, is similar to when parents tell their kids that "Derp the rabbit went to live on a farm where he can play all day long with the other animals", when he was actually run over by a car.

No girl has ever called me ugly, but I've been called weird a lot.


I'm somewhere in the middle on this, in some cases the harsh truth is required to break a person's self-deception should that deception be harmful. On the other hand, for some people the self-deception has a value at that time, and needs to be left unharmed.

I call it the suicide vs "I'll f***ing show you" theory. In effect, some people are so volatile in certain periods of their life, that telling them the harsh truth, could drive them further down. On the other hand, other people have pursued their destructive path because doing so has been the path of least resistance. These people can get very motived to show you how wrong you are.


I think I agree with you here.
It's good to be honest, but it's also good to have a filter and not just say what you think of everyone all the time regardless of context.
I generally (especially when dealing with someone's appearance) go though this series of checks

-does this need to be said?
-does this need to be said by me?
-does this need to be said by me now?

If I get three yes's I will be brutally honest, and if I can see than someone else's brutal honesty is coming from a thoughtful place and not just a desire to be hurtful, I appreciate it.


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