Should I change my appearance?

Post Reply New Topic

I've never cared about my appearance before. Throughout my whole life my appearance has been the epitome of sloppiness. My hair is untamed. It is curly, down to my shoulders, and sort of shooting out in every direction. I never comb it. I shower as infrequently as I can get away with socially. I've had a problem with acne for a few years now. I've basically dressed in whatever I felt like, regardless of the situation, except for times when my parents make me dress a certain way (like a wedding).

I've never thought it mattered what I looked like. Now I sort of think it might. You see, there is a girl I am interested in, and we have a mutual friend who has told me that my chances with her would be greatly increased if I got a haircut or straightened my hair. She's also told me that I should change my style of clothing. I love wearing my black trench coat. I recognize the stigma that it's gotten over the years, though, and I wear it unbuttoned, so everyone can see I'm not hiding anything. Even so, our mutual friend tells me that the clothes I wear normally are fine except for the trench coat, which I should lose. I love my coat, and I feel as though it's integrated itself into my personality. I can't simply stop wearing the coat. I'm considering doing something with my hair, though, that's not an issue. But should I? Should I change myself to match what society expects of me? I've never really cared what people thought of me before. In fact, I still don't, except for this girl that I met.

Another thing, if I do decide to alter my appearance, how do I go about explaining it to my parents? A sudden shift in behavior might seem suspicious to them. They may pick up on the fact that I'm actually doing my best to emulate a normal teenager for once. They may be smart enough to figure out that the changes in behavior have been gradual since I started associating with the girl and our mutual friend, and they may even be smart enough to realize that I am experiencing sexual attraction for someone, which they have never seen me experience before. I think they've just assumed that I'm asexual.

Do I cut my hair? Do I start worrying about my acne problem? Why? If I do, then how do I explain it to the parental units? We're not very close in the sense that I don't really tell my parents much about my social life, and I certainly never share my deepest inner thoughts with them.

Also, what do I do about my coat? I love my trench coat, and I'm not prepared to stop wearing it based on either social expectation or the idea that it might make me more physically appealing. Some of my male friends have said that it's "badass," but I doubt that many of the opposite sex would share that opinion.

Just tell your parents you're doing it for a girl.

As far as changing your appearance, I'd say it's mostly for the better. I did mine years ago. I got profiled much too much, I used to wear lots of camo and black, and a lot of the time had long hair. It made people think I was a "school shooter" in combo with my quietness and "Aspie"ness. It also led me to a very bad experience with a particular cop who profiled me for that. So in this day and age, of "terrorism" and post-Columbine, I recommend nobody dress like that in public.

As far as hair, you could probably get away with what you have now, as long as it's groomed well. I personally hate long hair on me and it becomes a pain to wash. So if you just comb your hair, and shower once a day, you should be good to go. That and shave. As for acne, a lot of acne in my opinion is nutrition related. Despite the whole "aww pizza doesn't give you acne" it does for me. If my nutrition is good, I'll get like one pimple or something, but if it's bad I'll start seeing way more pimples. Green tea helps acne, either injesting it, or putting it on your face. Also, vitamin B5 is supposed to be really wonderful for acne, as it helps fat metabolism. I don't see much of a reason for acne supplements, but then again, mine hasn't ever been too bad. And also, don't scratch/pop pimples off too hard, you will get scars, especially if you pick the scabs after. This is a bit controversial, too, but you might not wanna overdo it with shampoo/soap. I personally haven't used shampoo or soap in the shower for over a year now (outside of washing off car oil or something) and it's been pretty positive for me. I've got less back acne because of it, the thing is, soap will take the natural oils off your skin and your skin will make more oil, thus acne. I believe it's still important to wash in water once a day, though, and my showers are longer than they were soap, but yeah. Shower, and also, a little bit of aftershave or cologne is good, too. Obviously deodorant, too.

For clothes, do whatever. Me personally, I actually switched to "preppy" clothes. They don't cost me any money really. My shirts are all like 50c a piece at Salvation Army, and they're Hilfiger/etc, and I usually get jeans for $3-5. Honestly, "preppy" brands are nicer clothes. They fit better, like a Hilfiger t-shirt fits you much nicer, feels better, and looks better on you just formwise compared to a Hanes 3-pack shirt or something. Whether or not preppy clothes are worth the money you spend new on them, is pretty debatable (they're probably not) but they are quite nice. One thing too, wear brighter colors. Brighter colors are good. I noticed after changing my clothing, the way people dealt with me was like instantly different, it was night and day, people were much more respectful to me, I didn't get stared at, etc. What you decide to is what you decide to do, but yeah.

I have changed to fit *more* toward the social norm and get away from being lumped, unfairly, into certain categories.

For example, I used to wear *nothing* but sweat pants or sleep pants (cute ones, but still) no jeans, skirts, or shorts. Ever. This is socially "unacceptable" even though it is immensely more comfortable (jeans tend to be far too tight for my tastes, especially given the style of women's pants, as all of my clothes have to be stretchy, but I found a brand that is so stretchy they feel like yoga pants (still bother my stomach, but I'll deal) and now wear them exclusively when in public, all other times I opt for PJ pants.

Another example: I was born with black hair and pale skin, nothing I can do about that, but with my lack of outward emotion, I was far too frequently asked if I was a goth. I don't much care for sunlight, as it majorly hurts my eyes, even with sunglasses, so I tend not to be tan, and I can't exactly figure out how to be more expressive of emotions I don't feel... I'd feel like an idiot walking around with a smile plastered on my face all the time, and that's the only thing I can think of that would prevent statements like "You look angry/depressed." or "Why are you so mad?" (I got that a LOT, not so much anymore) So I started dying my hair red, which I tend to think looks pretty OK with my complexion, and has completely gotten rid of the problem of being associated with goths.

Change is not always a bad thing, and it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, compromise is your friend . Sometimes little things make a world of difference.

Perhaps consider getting a coat like yours but in a different color? Or reserve it for one or two days a week (while in school/social settings) and wear it all you like when you are not around people?