Am I the only one who doesn't ever want to marry?

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First, I'm not sure if this really belongs in love and romance, given the usual postings, so I'm erring on the side of caution, and putting it here, instead. (please feel free to move it!)

I don't mean that I have no interest in dating, finding a mate that I can tolerate for years, having a family, etc. I just find the idea of marriage barbaric. The custom was created a long long time ago, for specific social reasons, and when the expected lifespan was much shorter then it is now. It was not meant for the enjoyment of both parties, and not necessarily for either of the two, but for the creation of children and transfer of property (women in most cultures were considered useless other then to bear offspring, hence dowries) and frankly, times have changed. People marry for "love" and "responsibility", but often do so much too soon or for the wrong reasons, that may "feel right" at the time, and divorce is very very common as a result. Add to that the current life expectancy and potential life span, and the fact that throughout life, people grow and change, and it just seems like a setup for failure with very few exceptions..

If it wasn't a legally binding contract for life, like say if it was like a lease that had to be renewed every few years or the agreement would end and both parties walk away, I'd be game for it. As it is, I plan to, should I find the right person, have a "commitment ceremony" (like a wedding, only without being legally binding, mostly for the families, because if you love someone and they love you, that's all that matters) because I know full well that my interests change from year to year. I almost made the mistake of getting married to my abusive ex before I realized how toxic he was, and honestly, that has scared me out of ever wanting to go through with legally binding myself to another person, other then offspring. Divorce is expensive for both parties, even if they are in complete agreement, and it's a major headache. Frankly, I'm of the opinion that if I split up with a long-term SO, and we have things cooperatively purchased, and he/she wants them, he/she can have them; I can always get more. (Though I don't like the idea of sharing finances, either, I believe that bills/dates/necessities should be FAIRLY paid based on % of income of each party from separate accounts, and any money left over belongs to the party who earned it, to do with whatever he/she wants, within reason.)

I also don't like the ritual of buying an overly expensive ring for the woman and the man getting absolutely nothing of equal value in return. Much better to use that money for something *useful*, like a car, or a house; something both parties can potentially use, rather then something neither of them can use for anything other then bragging rights..

Am I alone in this?

I have no plans to ever get married - and no desire for any long term relationship of any kind - even friendships often are too much for me - I just do not like having some sort of obligation to another person - it feels like having my freedom taken away because they often want my time, and I am rarely willing to give it away (unless it has to do with special interest stuff.

I feel like I'm "married" to my special interests - mainly music. What I mean by that, is that I spend almost all of my time on them - and everything else bores me easily.

On top of that I also do not like the legal aspects of marriage, and I think the social aspects of marriage are just ridiculous.

Everyone has different needs, so while you find marrying 'horrifying' others find it attractive, especially when children are concerned.

Just think of it this way - each persons nervous system gives them a unique nature. So your nature is not necessarily someone elses. i.e. trying to use yourself as a standard by which all behavior or customs should be judged is foolhardy because you're not taking into account people have different natures and hence have different makeups.

The human mind does not perceive reality in a literal way, see here:

http://bit.ly/dYaWUc

I don't ever want to get married not because I dislike the ritual itself, but because the only person who I've ever loved never reciprocated my feelings. I've been in love with her for 7 and a half years even though we stopped being on speaking terms a really long time ago, and at this point I doubt I'll ever meet anyone who made me feel the same way she did. I like to imagine that if she had reciprocated my feelings, that we would have gotten married a long time ago and might have even had children by now.

When i was about then years old i realized that i would never get married and i stuck to this decision and never regretted it. My main reason is that i can't stand people in my "territory" and all that fuss caused by living together. For instance, living on my own means that i decide when to clean the house, when and what to eat, when to do the laundry, what to spend money for etc.

In my early twenties i gave it a try and it fulfilled my worst expectations. I let her move in but made very clear that i would never get married to her nor ever would have kids. Therefore, we were kind of roommates who simultaneously had a sexual affair. I liked the latter but hated the former and that's why for the next 30 years and yet today i can enjoy affairs but would never want to live with a person. Really, really NEVER. That's not about the person concerned, though. It's about the fact that i can't live with human beings. There is no such miracle as "when the right person appears it will change." That's BS. And even if a person would want to make things which are contrary to their personality out of infatuation or a strong sexual attraction accompanied by a temporary upheaval in their brain chemistry, sooner or later they will feel uncomfortable with the situation and try to re-balance according to their own needs and preferences.

Completely agree with you, marriage as a concept is outmoded, and those who remain in a marriage for decades often live with rotten compromises in a chronic no-win situation.

Most people might get married out of love and divorce their spouses when the love-part is over and attraction ceases, but i can as well love without getting married.

When I was 8 years old I decided that I would never marry or have kids. I am now in my early 50s, and I never changed my mind, and never did marry or have kids. I never wanted to do either, and I would have made a lousy wife and mother anyway. I realize that the societal norm is to marry and have kids, but it is not necessary or required for everyone to do so. If you want to marry with or without kids, great, but if you want to go solo, that's great, too. It's a matter of personal choice. I have always been okay with my choice. It was the right one for me.

I found in my childhood, and since then, that I am not able to meet many of the expectations of family, and others. This is due to my then unknown Asperger's. Their negative reactions to my not meeting their expectations are uncomfortable at best, and usually it is worse than that. I have no desire to enter into yet another relationship where I will be unable to meet someone's expectations, and have to deal with yet more negative feed back. I prefer being alone far more than being with others because of that.

We each need to find our own path, and not take a path chosen by others, that we don't care for, but have been pressured into.

I remember even when I was 15 years old saying I wanted to be an old maid.
I think I've kept to that as I prefer being a lone wolf.

If I had known before I got married what I know now, I never would have gone through with it. The first couple years were pretty good, but ever since then, it's like we're just roommates.

Redacted due to thread move