How do the older members (30+) cope with singleness?

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I am just curious, I hope I do not offend anyone for asking any willing older members to put their experience of singledom into this thread.

Do you prefer the freedom? or does it feel worse then the younger members being single (emotion wise)?

Let me know your thoughts!

For everyone else, please be understanding.

I'm 45, and in my experience, the only thing worse than being single is not being single...

I like not having to be accountable to anyone else. Also, I'm a bit rigid when it comes to things like compromise, I tend to get resentful, so I don't think relationships are for me. I'm not unkind, per se, it's just that my inborn rigidity only allows me to see one way to do things, and all other ways are therefore wrong or less well-intentioned or less informed. Not really the makings of a good relationship.

Occasionally I miss the good things about relationships, but I just cannot overcome the difficulties, so I stay out of it completely. It's comforting to accept that and not try and force myself to "be normal", which I did for so many years (with *stunning* failure and misery). It's very hard, societally, to be an older single woman. People tend to think you have no options instead of having made a conscious choice. Worse, some people assume you're predatory and so they behave cautiously around you.

I wish I had known about ASD sooner. I might have learned more from my experiences, contextually.

I came out of a 10 year relationship last February, had a bit of casual fun then made the mistake of getting seriously involved with a girl for 6 months because she was 'very like' my previous ex. I think I felt some sort of shock and felt freaked out by being single after so long, and being with her made me feel comfortable. It turned out to be a nightmare because she disclosed she was bipolar just like my ex and behaved similarly. In some ways, I'm grateful for the experience as it confirmed my exe's behaviour was actually related to her condition and not just her being a total c**t. From recent experience I'm weirdly glad to be single. I'm not even looking and I'm happy being on my own.

I have just turned 30 yesterday

I don't understand how to be anything but single.

I do like having the freedom to make whatever choice works for me at the moment. If I suddenly want to drive out to the desert and take some photographs, no one is going to complain that I should be doing something else. One of my greatest fears has always been that I would have to set aside doing the things I enjoyed in order to be with another person. In reality, I'm not likely to date the kind of woman who would demand I stop being me, but I still feared losing myself in a relationship.

I think that I am a lot happier now than I was in my teens, twenties and thirties. When you are younger, the hormones can be pretty difficult to deal with. Also you don't have enough years of experience to have as good a perspective on life. At nearly 47 I just don't take the prospect of a relationship all that seriously. I don't expect to have one and there are more important things to do with my life. That said, if I meet a woman with whom I can make a lasting relationship with, I am happy to pursue that too.

At my age, being single isn't much of an issue, but the isolation is. What I regret most about how I live my life is I tend to let friendships drift away. I find it hard to keep up regular contact with people and so I often lose track of old friends. When I was young, I was in contact with enough people that I had my fill of social interaction. At school or at work, there were people to talk to and I couldn't let the friendships drift away because we saw each other every day at school.

I suspect most Aspies tend to gravitate toward jobs where they can work alone. I certainly have done this and while I like the people I work with, it just isn't enough to fill my need for companionship.

But with all that in mind, I have been lurking on the love and dating part of this forum a lot lately. That suggests that maybe I wouldn't mind the prospect of a relationship right now. The idea sounds both appealing and terrifying at the same time.

I did try to socialize as a child and in my early teens, but was unable to fit in. The nastyness of many of my "peers" turned me off wanting to have anything to do with them. I also didn't fit in with adults or younger children, although I often did get along with them for short periods of time. Not being accepted as I was by everyone else forced me to be a loner. I eventually came to prefer being alone, as my life is less stressful and more peaceful that way. I am now in my early 50s, and a hermit by choice. I lived with relatives for most of my life until several years ago. I occasionally go to family functions, but as few as possible. I do not want to live with anyone ever again. The peace and privacy of my solitude are too precious, for me to want to have it violated by living with anyone again. There is no way I can fit in with others, and they won't accept me as I am, so there is no way I can co-exist peacefully in a home with someone else.

I need to get onto my message to you OP.

How do I cope? Badly, for the most part My cats are the only thing that makes life bearable.

I'm in a rather unusual situation though, because I have zero social contact. I guess single people who have regular contact to friends and family members are able to cope much better.