Asperger couple?

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07 Jul 2012, 11:53 pm

How does that work? If neither of them feel comfortable expressing romantic stuff, is the whole thing just going to die out?

Been thinking whether it's worth to learn to fake being a neurotypical in terms of romance (could be exhausting) or just find an AS partner (as if that was easy either).

Wolfheart
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08 Jul 2012, 12:35 am

Of course not, a relationship isn't based on romance alone but many factors such as compatibility, common ground and mutual understanding or respect. If romance is too stressful for both people on the spectrum and they don't necessarily need it, I don't see why it would be a problem not to have it.

Forcing yourself or putting up a façade will only hurt you in the long run because you will be cheating yourself and you will be cheating the other person as well, you will be selling yourself short of who you really are. My advice? Find someone who has similar needs to your own or someone that doesn't require romance to be a determining factor in a relationship.

paxfilosoof
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08 Jul 2012, 12:39 am

OlivG wrote:

It works VERY good. It's easy (in my opinion) to express romantic stuff in an aspie-aspie relationship.
I have problems in romantic neurotypical-aspie relationship because it's hard for both (neurotypical, aspie) to empathise.
But if you meet someone with asperger, being romantic is almost intuitive.

I met someone with asperger by writing poems and songs.

Wolfheart
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08 Jul 2012, 12:53 am

paxfilosoof wrote:

But if you meet someone with asperger, being romantic is almost intuitive.

I met someone with asperger by writing poems and songs.

How many people on the spectrum have you met? If this is based on the one experience you have had with someone on the spectrum, it would be stereotypical to assume that it is equally true for everyone else.

People on the spectrum can have rigid views that differ from one another, they can have rigid routines that don't agree with each other when it comes to living together.

paxfilosoof
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08 Jul 2012, 1:26 am

Wolfheart wrote:

paxfilosoof wrote:

But if you meet someone with asperger, being romantic is almost intuitive.

I met someone with asperger by writing poems and songs.

I've met like 3, but ofcourse you can't have this with every aspie but in the general population neurotypical people can't have a romantic relation either with every neurotypical...

let say their were 20 female aspies, their is a big chance that their is atleast one aspie who think the same as you do.
However, today we maybe meet only a couple of aspies, so aspie relationships is not always possible.
You could meet aspies with much different views, than yours.

Last edited by paxfilosoof on 08 Jul 2012, 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

paxfilosoof
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08 Jul 2012, 1:28 am

Wolfheart wrote:

paxfilosoof wrote:

But if you meet someone with asperger, being romantic is almost intuitive.

I met someone with asperger by writing poems and songs.

I would argue, I'm not sure thought, that when their were more aspies you had more choice and you would automatically be attracted by some aspies.
I think I've luck that I met an aspie who's like me, but of course their are difference in aspies aswell.

Teredia
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08 Jul 2012, 1:28 am

not all Aspies are emotionally inept!! (sp).
Ive dated a couple of aspie guys. appart from them forgetting im also aspie, n thats when things got complicated, the relationships were good =)

Im not Socialy or emotionally inept, but i am defiently an Aspie =) but im a girl =P

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08 Jul 2012, 1:34 am

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

I can understand how the lack of empathy can sometimes lead to two people not seeing eye to eye and how that could effect the relationship. It's important that both people remember their difficulties and have a mutual understanding towards each other.

paxfilosoof
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08 Jul 2012, 1:37 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

Do you know what?
I would even argue that we do not lack empathy, but that we only sometimes met people who are similar, which is easier to empathise with.
Neurotypical I think have a lack of emapthy too for us.

Teredia
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08 Jul 2012, 1:39 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

You're the 'Grammer Police,' and I'm the spelling/word 'Grammer Police!!' =) (Well this could get complicated).

Wolfheart
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08 Jul 2012, 1:41 am

Teredia wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

You're the 'Grammer Police,' and I'm the spelling/word 'Grammer Police!!' =) (Well this could get complicated).

Oh dear.

Wolfheart
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08 Jul 2012, 1:49 am

paxfilosoof wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

Yes of course, NT people can have a lack of empathy and a lack of judgement as well. It's good that you have a common ground to be able to relate to, sometimes it's good when you can understand the difficulties you both face.

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08 Jul 2012, 2:05 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Teredia wrote:

Grammar, my dear, the grammar police are here. :wink:

You're the 'Grammer Police,' and I'm the spelling/word 'Grammer Police!!' =) (Well this could get complicated).

Oh dear.

you love me =P :heart:

Anyways, yeah, i have a friend who is NT who choses not to have empathy mainly cause he feels it gets in the way...
so yeah NT's can be just as aspie when they want to be -_-

paxfilosoof
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10 Jul 2012, 3:02 pm

OlivG wrote:

More about:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt203434.html

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10 Jul 2012, 8:10 pm

OlivG wrote:

The phrase "romantic stuff" & the word "romance" are relative & can mean very different things to different people. An Aspie/Aspie couple can be quite romantic but their version of romance may be different from a typical NT. I don't believe it's good to fake being neurotypical because you won't be able to keep up the act forever because it will get to you after a while & then your partner would feel like your not the same person when you do slip up. I think most any good relationship is based on honesty & both partners trying to compromise when necessary

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