How to get a girlfriend.

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Hi!

(sorry for my bad English)

I'm 20 years old aspie (diagnosed).

I can't get a girl.

I try many methods, but it dont work.

For example:

-Dating Portals - very dificult to find anyone from my region.

-Finding in college - Im studying in extramural (i'dont know exactly english word - in polish is "zaoczne") studies so in college is not too many girl in my age.

-Finding via NGOs - In my region is not too much NGOs. And they generally don't accept new members.

-In pub's - doctor forbade me it. Because in pub in poland is easy for aspie to be beaten.

-teraphy in doctor. he told me that I'm should accept that I'm don't have girl. But I can not

How to I should do in purpose getting a girlfriend?

Have you ever thought of going to school in a different country?

Yes.

But i'cant(because personal reasons)

Not to sound cold or uncaring or anything... but keep trying.

It takes time, its not something that you try once and miraculously get a gf out of. Plenty of people, non-aspies included, don't have gfs by 20 and later.

Keep trying... school is a good option, even if there are few girls in your major (but regardless of major, if you're school has other majors, may be girls there too).

Later on you'll have a job which you may find girls there too... keep checking out online sites looking for people are are AROUND your area, don't limit to them just within your city/town... if there has to be a little drive.... its worth it if its someone you like, no? And even if it turns out to fail because of the long distance, you can gain experience and confidence from it, and that may reflect positively for trying around here. Supposedly girls can notice if a guy is confident or not, and if you're constantly feeling insignificant for never having had a gf, least after that you will have one so can feel a bit better about yourself.

I don't know what NGOs are, but there are still clubs and meetups and other things around you may be able to find... librarys and stuff as well, if you happen to see a girl in you're favorite book section you could recommend some books to her and stuff (just don't be too creepy... its rare to happen, but you never know, might end up sitting down for coffee and getting together again).

There are plenty of avenues, and it seems that a lot of it happens w/o one actively looking... someone in an everyday place, rather than a bar.

And while yes, bars may NOT work for you... you won't know until you give it a try... but if you get easily discouraged and hurt from nothing working then don't... but if you think you can control those emotions, try, you never know... there are actually girls out there who do not like the cocky "stud muffins" and prefer real people.

But you just have to make sure you don't seem desperate... maybe you'll have to become friends first... it varies upon the person, but desperation isn't a good thing, generally makes the girl feel creeped out.


But again, you are only 20. Keep trying those many methods, it doesn't happen simply because you decided now you want a gf, and you'll try this and they'll come... it is something that comes with time, and the more open you are to chances, and more you try (--- again, not desperately ---) more likely it will happen.


Another thing to think about... why do you want a gf? The answer varies amongst different people, and girls are generally interested for completely different reasons... but it helps to evaluate exactly what you want out of it.

As a girl, when I see ppl wanting a gf for reasons such as "to get laid," "to fit in," "because its something to do," "because everyone else is," or "because its fun." I get discouraged... if it was "because I want to find someone I like"/"for the future"/"for companionship"/"someone who means a lot to me"/"because I want to share my time with them" and stuff, its much more oriented on WHO your gf is, rather than merely having a gf... that is a lot easier for me (note: "me," not other girls, there are plenty out there for the same exact reasons... but feels so shallow to me) to handle.... usually those reasons come later on, and in early 20s, the reasons tend to be the former... but its still something to consider

If you're reasons are the former, then you may try appealing to partying girls and stuff... try to find parties and bars and stuff to find girls... but if its the later, then you should look more in your area of interests, school, everyday ppl who aren't actively searching for a guy, because they don't wish to be a trophy, but rather be valued for who they are.

Just some things to think about, you don't have to agree with the last stuff, its from a particular girl's pov after all (me), but the first half hopefully should help you.

Just hang in there, things change with time, but don't give up and become pessimistic about it, nothing will come from that. (Now, you may stop actively searching for someone and still find someone, but if you say... go "noone likes, me, forget this, I hate girls anyways" then no, nothing will come from it.)

Good luck!

I enjoyed this very much - it's so true, but I don't think most doctors in my country would be so brash as to actually say so.

It seems to be a numbers game. Learn how to build relationships. Become a healthy person. Then it will be a matter of time.

Sometimes girlfriends happen when you least expect them. That's how it's happened in my case.

I'm almost 30 & nothing remotely resembling a gf anywhere on the horizon for me.

Girls go after bastards and jocks, so if you can't at least defend yourself, i only wish you luck in your endeavours.

How about a singles meetings, got any of those to go to?

SIngles meetings? No it here in my voivodship

what? if this were the case, then only bastards and jocks would ever get girlfriends, and that is obviously not true.

what are your interests? like hobbies or work or education?

This is highly immoral and unethical behaviour! He shouldn't have said that. You have the right to make a formal complaint.

Pretty girls in 20's do. So unless you're rich or drive a BMW, there's really not much of a choise. But that's just my experience... Also it depends on your standards, how low are you willing to set them to get a GF? Let's be honest, everyone is looking for a decent gal, "beauty is on the inside" is just BS.

i understand that maybe you might have had some negative experiences right? but the problem with generalizing like that is that when you look around, you can see that lots of un-pretty and un-rich people are successful in relationships.

the author of the book Quirkology completed a study where he set up a sample speed-dating event with many subjects. he wanted to know what makes a person more successful when first meeting potential dates. the details of that study are extensive, but the applicable point here is that the author found that every single subject was able to connect with one other individual, and was able to obtain at least one phone number from a potential love interest.

the people in the study were from all walks of life, and each subject was rated for attractiveness (by each person who met him/her). regardless of how attractive (or unattractive) each person was, he or she was still able to attract at least one other person...

yes, definitely, attractiveness (as defined by each individual) is a factor in dating, but it isn't the only factor, or even necessarily the most important factor. you may be speaking from your own perspective on what you consider most important in the opposite sex... but that doesn't mean it is true for everyone else.

NGO stands for nongovernmental organization.

Suck it up for the next decade and make money. Look into the effects of compounding interest over a 10 year time frame and don't get into trouble.

When you hit 30, come back.

Women in their 20's (NT's so no one who regularly posts to WP) are out of your emotional and mental reach and simply don't want to deal with you. If they did want you, in 5-10 years they're entirely different people and you probably don't want to deal with them.

Aspies are in it for the long haul. It's like school - you don't make money but you know that when you graduate, you're in a better position than the guy who dropped out of highschool and started working.